Am I Right To Be Annoyed?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has been with us since April she takes care of our two children our 19 month old and our 5 month old.
I feel as though lately she's overstepped boundaries and has been careless. My complaints are as follows:

1. She went into my and DH's room to get library books to return to the library. They were missing and she texted me to let me know she found them.

2. She used my charger to charge her phone without my permission.

3. She often doesn't finish the kids' laundry by the end of the day, and will put the load in the dryer before leaving which is fine. We keep the detergents atop the machines, and today they had fallen, and the fabric softener had spilled. I realize the agitation of the machines could have caused this, but having to clean up the mess was annoying.

4, I think she lets the 5 month old sleep to much, by my calculations she sleeps 4 to 5 hours during the day, and is still getting up twice to eat at night.

5. I don't like how she says goodbye when she leaves. There's no hugs etc. It's goodbye Larlo & Larla I'll see you next time, and then she walks out. Sometimes she'll wave as she goes if my 19 month old is watching but it's all so quick and seems cold.

I stayed home with the first, so I'm a first time nanny employer. Is this normal nanny wear and tear so to speak. Should I address it.

[Anonymous]

These all seem extremely petty to me..

[Anonymous]

So I should let it go?

[Anonymous]

My first time ever saying this, but TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Alert!!!!
Really, OP??? Co0me on! Ask your friends about this and wait to see what their answer is. Charger? this she steal it? You got home before the she had time to do the kids laundry (I suppose its only the kids laudry), and the way she says bye to the kids? She spends the whole day with them and has that time to bond and play with them. Find something else to complain about.

Did you hear what happened in France today? those are serious subjects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first time ever saying this, but TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Alert!!!!
Really, OP??? Co0me on! Ask your friends about this and wait to see what their answer is. Charger? this she steal it? You got home before the she had time to do the kids laundry (I suppose its only the kids laudry), and the way she says bye to the kids? She spends the whole day with them and has that time to bond and play with them. Find something else to complain about.

Did you hear what happened in France today? those are serious subjects.

Yes and as sad as that is I still have to care for my kids, and make sure things. Most people I know use daycare, so I don't know what is normal. I hear bad nanny stories and I worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first time ever saying this, but TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Alert!!!!
Really, OP??? Co0me on! Ask your friends about this and wait to see what their answer is. Charger? this she steal it? You got home before the she had time to do the kids laundry (I suppose its only the kids laudry), and the way she says bye to the kids? She spends the whole day with them and has that time to bond and play with them. Find something else to complain about.

Did you hear what happened in France today? those are serious subjects.

Yes and as sad as that is I still have to care for my kids, and make sure things. Most people I know use daycare, so I don't know what is normal. I hear bad nanny stories and I worry.

You don't have a bad nanny.

[Anonymous]

I'm an uptight bitch, but none these are a huge deal. Certainly not offenses worth firing over at ALL.

Tell her:
1. Please keep the little one's naps to a max of 3 hours (or whatever you don't want it to go over).
2. Please do not go in my room without my express permission.
3. Please be sure anything liquid is secured tightly and not precariously placed, so it won't spill and make a mess.

As long as your kids are happy with how she says goodbye, it's not worth saying anything. Everyone has the right to have the level of physical contact they're comfortable with, even adults. Even nannies. Maybe she's "touched out" by the end of the day and doesn't want to do hugs by then.

[Anonymous]

I think her finding the missing library books was a nice thing for her to do. She probably wanted to save you the stress and trouble of having to scour your house. I would have been extremely grateful.

Also, her using your phone charger would only be an issue if she broke it. Otherwise, who really cares?

With two young children to care for, why is she also responsible for the laundry duties of them as well? She surely has her hands extremely full already. And you do not know for sure if she was the one who let the stuff spill over, and she probably was so busy with your two children, that she didn't have the time to clean anything up.

She has zero control how much time your baby snoozes during the day, I personally would hate having to wake up a sleeping baby during the day. No one should have to do this.

How long is her shift? If it is long, she probably longs to go home and rest. Caring for two young children under two, having to be responsible for their laundry are really stressful and tiring duties. At the very least, at least she says "Bye." If she didn't, then you would have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Waking up a 5 month old baby sounds insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

1. She went into my and DH's room to get library books to return to the library. They were missing and she texted me to let me know she found them.

She was doing something relatednto her job. If you don't want her in your bedroom, then either keep the kids' stuff (like library books) in common areas or tell her explicitly that you'd rather pay a fine than have her in your room.

2. She used my charger to charge her phone without my permission.

Uh, what? I have borrowed phone chargers from my employers many times and no one has ever objected at all.

3. She often doesn't finish the kids' laundry by the end of the day, and will put the load in the dryer before leaving which is fine. We keep the detergents atop the machines, and today they had fallen, and the fabric softener had spilled. I realize the agitation of the machines could have caused this, but having to clean up the mess was annoyiing

Take a look at how many chores she has to accomplish each day. Some Saturday, try caring for both children alone AND doing everything on your nanny's list. Is it actually possible? If so, then address with her the timeline for laundry.

As for the spill, you say you have no way of knowing if it happened on her watch or after she left, but you still think she should have cleaned it up. How? Is your nanny psychic?

4, I think she lets the 5 month old sleep to much, by my calculations she sleeps 4 to 5 hours during the day, and is still getting up twice to eat at night.

Your baby is uo twice to eat because she's 5 months old. 4-5 hours of daytime sleep is perfectly reasonable. If you want to work on baby's sleep, discuss a plan with nanny, instead of trying to limit your baby's naps, because that is going to backfire big time when you end up with and exhausted, overtired mess of a baby.

5. I don't like how she says goodbye when she leaves. There's no hugs etc. It's goodbye Larlo & Larla I'll see you next time, and then she walks out. Sometimes she'll wave as she goes if my 19 month old is watching but it's all so quick and seems cold.

She is probably hesitant to be effusive in front of you given the favt that you are clearly watching and judging her every move.

I stayed home with the first, so I'm a first time nanny employer. Is this normal nanny wear and tear so to speak. Should I address it.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like you want to share your home or your kids with a nanny. Maybe daycare would be a better fit for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an uptight bitch, but none these are a huge deal. Certainly not offenses worth firing over at ALL.

Tell her:
1. Please keep the little one's naps to a max of 3 hours (or whatever you don't want it to go over).
2. Please do not go in my room without my express permission.
3. Please be sure anything liquid is secured tightly and not precariously placed, so it won't spill and make a mess.

As long as your kids are happy with how she says goodbye, it's not worth saying anything. Everyone has the right to have the level of physical contact they're comfortable with, even adults. Even nannies. Maybe she's "touched out" by the end of the day and doesn't want to do hugs by then.

MB here and I basically agree with this. Re the leaving at the end of the day - I prefer not to have a big production around arrival/departure of anyone -myself and their father included. I want calm and stability - they're totally loved and secure no matter whether it's their nanny or a parent with them, and I want the transitions between all of us to be calm and happy.

So much of what you're describing sounds pretty nitpicky - but I would clarify the schedule you want, and any space that you would prefer to be officially off-limits. (It sounds like your nanny was trying to be helpful with the book thing, so don't make it a punitive thing - that won't help the relationship in the long run.)

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you are a nightmare to work for ... Really? She used your charger !? There is no such a thing like my infant sleeps too much. They need to sleep as much as they need. He/she wakes up at night not because of naps...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny has been with us since April she takes care of our two children our 19 month old and our 5 month old.
I feel as though lately she's overstepped boundaries and has been careless. My complaints are as follows:

1. She went into my and DH's room to get library books to return to the library. They were missing and she texted me to let me know she found them.

She let you know that she went in your room and found the books. Presumably going to the library with the kids is her job, as is returning the books.

Solution 1: You make a place by the door for all library books and other child-related gear that may need to go with the nanny. Anything that you misplace, nanny is not responsible for finding, and your kids can do without.
Solution 2: All child-related gear stays in the children's areas (nursery, bedroom, playroom). If it's not where it belongs when the nanny packs the go bag, it doesn't go, nanny doesn't look for it, and your kids can do without.
Solution 3: Nanny has the authority to go in any room to find the items that she needs to care for the children. This may include library books, bottles, wipes, toys or anything else that your kids need. You don't say anything to the nanny about where she went and simply thank her when she finds things you misplaced.

2. She used my charger to charge her phone without my permission.

Did she go in your room to use your charger? Did she unplug something which needed to charge in order to charge her phone?

Solution 1: Tell the nanny that your charger will remain in your room, that she is not to use it.
Solution 2: Tell the nanny that she is welcome to use your charger as long as she only unplugs something else after it's fully charged.
Solution 3: Let it go.

3. She often doesn't finish the kids' laundry by the end of the day, and will put the load in the dryer before leaving which is fine. We keep the detergents atop the machines, and today they had fallen, and the fabric softener had spilled. I realize the agitation of the machines could have caused this, but having to clean up the mess was annoying.

You store detergent and fabric softener on top of a machine that vibrates, so you run the risk of have a spill, needing to clean up the mess, and wasting the product. You also stated that she is putting the load into the dryer before she leaves. Did she leave a mess when she switched the clothes over? Or did the spill happen sometime between when she put the clothes in the washer on her way out the door and you switched the clothes to the dryer?

Solution 1: Find somewhere else to store everything. You won't have spills due to the vibration.
Solution 2: Leave them where they are and realize that it's going to happen. There's nothing your nanny can do to stop it, unless you are ok with her holding everything in place during every spin cycle or putting everything on the floor.

You also stated that she isn't finished often. How many days per week?

Solution 1: Have your nanny write down everything she's doing during the day. Realize that this will cut into the number of things she gets done during those days, but you can get an idea of how she's using her time and help her figure out why things aren't accomplished.
Solution 2: Sit down with your nanny and decide whether the priority is your children or housekeeping. Make a list of things that must be accomplished, things you would like to see done at least once or twice a week, and things that would only need to be done every week or two.
Solution 3: Realize that the nanny is prioritizing childcare with two children under 2 and that sometimes things don't get done. With a 5 month old and a 19 month old, it's very possible that naptimes don't overlap as much as you or she would like. Leave the situation as is and only address it if it becomes the norm (ie. 50% or more of the time).

4, I think she lets the 5 month old sleep to much, by my calculations she sleeps 4 to 5 hours during the day, and is still getting up twice to eat at night.

Sleeping through the night only happens when the child is ready for it. If your baby is waking up twice, you probably have an idea of when she'll want to eat. Have you tried dream feeds? Good naps mean better sleep, not necessarily longer. Unless the baby is sleeping within 2 hours of when you want to put her down for the night, there shouldn't be an issue. Ask the nanny to keep a log of when the baby is sleeping, what the conditions are, how much she eats, etc.

Solution 1: Ask the nanny to keep the baby on a schedule. Realize that the schedule needs to change with the baby.
Solution 2: Ask the nanny to log when the baby sleeps, but let the baby determine when it's naptime.
Solution 3: Wait and watch. Babies change so much that this might be a growth spurt, and your daughter might wean herself down to 3 hours within a month or two.

5. I don't like how she says goodbye when she leaves. There's no hugs etc. It's goodbye Larlo & Larla I'll see you next time, and then she walks out. Sometimes she'll wave as she goes if my 19 month old is watching but it's all so quick and seems cold.

She's saying goodbye to both children, but not actively seeking their attention. If your toddler watches her leave, she waves. Transitions can be tough with little kids, and it's usually easiest with as little fuss and attention as possible. Hugs and kisses prolong transitions, and any experienced nanny avoids them. Most nannies will admit that it's very frustrating when parents hug and kiss kids in the morning instead of slipping out quietly with just a see you tonight, and nannies typically try to make evening transitions easier on everyone.

Solution 1: Ask the nanny to smile more and always wave, that way it doesn't matter if your children are watching her leave or not.
Solution 2: Ask the nanny to hug your kids when you get home, and allow for 3-4 minutes afterwards for their attention to directed elsewhere before she leaves.
Solution 3: Go with the status quo. As long as the kids are happy to see her, you don't need to worry that she's not affectionate.

I stayed home with the first, so I'm a first time nanny employer. Is this normal nanny wear and tear so to speak. Should I address it.

If you stayed home with your first, you are probably going to miss a lot of the things that you got to see with your older child. This is more likely to make you want to micromanage the nanny, question her actions and affection for your kids and second-guess you decisions. Remember that you went back to work for a reason and evaluate whether you want/need to stay home. If you continue to work, please, let the nanny do her job. If you feel she isn't doing it, address it with her or find a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

1) have a set place library books stay so she doesn't have to scour the house to find them.

2) let it go. Seriously, what's the big deal? Hide it if you don't want her to use it but don't complain if her phone dies and she doesn't have her own charger with her.

3) Buy dryer sheets. Problem solved.

4) Babies sleep when they're tired and eat when they're hungry. Five months is too young to schedule and her schedule should naturally evolved over the next couple of months so let this go. (And educate yourself on infant development.)

5) The short goodbye is the best goodbye. Making a big production out of goodbyes will create a beast you don't want to deal with later. This goes for you leaving in the morning as well. Make it SHORT AND SWEET. Anything else is making the child anxious and making them responsible for you missing them and that's not fair. You say goodbye, have fun, I'll see you later. The End.

You really need to mellow out and relax. You'll be a lot happier.

[Anonymous]

How is using a cell charger... a bad nanny??
How is that "caring" about your children, OP?

Get a life, or stay the hell home. Sick people like you don't deserve a nanny. Seriously, start to express some appreciation, or someone else will. And then you will be doing your own child care.