Reply to Am I Right To Be Annoyed?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our nanny has been with us since April she takes care of our two children  our 19 month old and our 5 month old.
I feel as though lately she's overstepped boundaries and has been careless. My complaints are as follows:

1. She went into my and DH's room to get library books to return to the library. They were missing and she texted me to let me know she found them.

[b]She let you know that she went in your room and found the books.  Presumably going to the library with the kids is her job, as is returning the books.

Solution 1: You make a place by the door for all library books and other child-related gear that may need to go with the nanny.  Anything that you misplace, nanny is not responsible for finding, and your kids can do without.
Solution 2: All child-related gear stays in the children's areas (nursery, bedroom, playroom).  If it's not where it belongs when the nanny packs the go bag, it doesn't go, nanny doesn't look for it, and your kids can do without.
Solution 3: Nanny has the authority to go in any room to find the items that she needs to care for the children.  This may include library books, bottles, wipes, toys or anything else that your kids need.  You don't say anything to the nanny about where she went and simply thank her when she finds things you misplaced.[/b]

2. She used my charger to charge her phone without my permission.

[b]Did she go in your room to use your charger?  Did she unplug something which needed to charge in order to charge her phone?

Solution 1: Tell the nanny that your charger will remain in your room, that she is not to use it.
Solution 2: Tell the nanny that she is welcome to use your charger as long as she only unplugs something else after it's fully charged.
Solution 3: Let it go.[/b]

3. She often doesn't finish the kids' laundry by the end of the day, and will put   the load in the dryer before leaving which is fine. We keep the detergents atop the machines, and today they had fallen, and the fabric softener had spilled. I realize the agitation of the machines could have caused this, but having to clean up the mess was annoying.

[b]You store detergent and fabric softener on top of a machine that vibrates, so you run the risk of have a spill, needing to clean up the mess, and wasting the product.  You also stated that she is putting the load into the dryer before she leaves.  Did she leave a mess when she switched the clothes over?  Or did the spill happen sometime between when she put the clothes in the washer on her way out the door and you switched the clothes to the dryer?

Solution 1: Find somewhere else to store everything.  You won't have spills due to the vibration.
Solution 2: Leave them where they are and realize that it's going to happen.  There's nothing your nanny can do to stop it, unless you are ok with her holding everything in place during every spin cycle or putting everything on the floor.

You also stated that she isn't finished often.  How many days per week?

Solution 1: Have your nanny write down everything she's doing during the day.  Realize that this will cut into the number of things she gets done during those days, but you can get an idea of how she's using her time and help her figure out why things aren't accomplished.
Solution 2: Sit down with your nanny and decide whether the priority is your children or housekeeping.  Make a list of things that must be accomplished, things you would like to see done at least once or twice a week, and things that would only need to be done every week or two.
Solution 3: Realize that the nanny is prioritizing childcare with two children under 2 and that sometimes things don't get done.  With a 5 month old and a 19 month old, it's very possible that naptimes don't overlap as much as you or she would like.  Leave the situation as is and only address it if it becomes the norm (ie. 50% or more of the time).[/b]

4, I think she lets the 5 month old sleep to much, by my calculations she sleeps 4 to 5 hours during the day, and is still getting up twice to eat at night.

[b]Sleeping through the night only happens when the child is ready for it.  If your baby is waking up twice, you probably have an idea of when she'll want to eat.  Have you tried dream feeds?  Good naps mean better sleep, not necessarily longer.  Unless the baby is sleeping within 2 hours of when you want to put her down for the night, there shouldn't be an issue.  Ask the nanny to keep a log of when the baby is sleeping, what the conditions are, how much she eats, etc.

Solution 1: Ask the nanny to keep the baby on a schedule.  Realize that the schedule needs to change with the baby.
Solution 2: Ask the nanny to log when the baby sleeps, but let the baby determine when it's naptime.
Solution 3: Wait and watch.  Babies change so much that this might be a growth spurt, and your daughter might wean herself down to 3 hours within a month or two.[/b]

5. I don't like how she says goodbye when she leaves. There's no hugs etc. It's goodbye Larlo & Larla I'll see you next time, and then she walks out. Sometimes she'll wave as she goes if my 19 month old is watching but it's all so quick and seems cold.

[b]She's saying goodbye to both children, but not actively seeking their attention.  If your toddler watches her leave, she waves.  Transitions can be tough with little kids, and it's usually easiest with as little fuss and attention as possible.  Hugs and kisses prolong transitions, and any experienced nanny avoids them.  Most nannies will admit that it's very frustrating when parents hug and kiss kids in the morning instead of slipping out quietly with just a see you tonight, and nannies typically try to make evening transitions easier on everyone.

Solution 1: Ask the nanny to smile more and always wave, that way it doesn't matter if your children are watching her leave or not.
Solution 2: Ask the nanny to hug your kids when you get home, and allow for 3-4 minutes afterwards for their attention to directed elsewhere before she leaves.
Solution 3: Go with the status quo.  As long as the kids are happy to see her, you don't need to worry that she's not affectionate.[/b]

I stayed home with the first, so I'm a first time nanny  employer. Is this normal nanny wear and tear so to speak. Should I address it.[/quote]

If you stayed home with your first, you are probably going to miss a lot of the things that you got to see with your older child.  This is more likely to make you want to micromanage the nanny, question her actions and affection for your kids and second-guess you decisions.  Remember that you went back to work for a reason and evaluate whether you want/need to stay home.  If you continue to work, please, let the nanny do her job.  If you feel she isn't doing it, address it with her or find a new nanny.[/quote]

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