Ocd?

[Anonymous]

We are afraid our nanny has ocd. We have noticed little ticks and she is very very particular to where things are and where they go. Almost organized and clean to the extreme. Our 4 year old is all about no mess and staying clean now. Now she does do messy projects with them and then the house is spotless....so its not like I think she is hindering my child. If anything I think it could be a trait that makes her really great at her job. But should be concerned for our nanny?

[Anonymous]

I have OCD and by this point I have figured out ways to manage it. For me it also manifests in perfectionism and wanting things a certain way. I don't think it makes me a bad nanny and I would be embarrassed if my employers said something about it to me. I usually just end up spending longer during nap time organizing and cleaning and yes I may clean more as we play throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she is ocd ( obse conpl disor ) but I think she is a clean FREAK. I wouldn't like my child worrying about making a mess in her own home because mess is part of life and there's learning in making mess. Definitely talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she is ocd ( obse conpl disor ) but I think she is a clean FREAK. I wouldn't like my child worrying about making a mess in her own home because mess is part of life and there's learning in making mess. Definitely talk to her.

Learning to make a mess ? Never ok. Teach children to clean, not make messes.

[Anonymous]

I am very OCD about certain things. It just means that after the kids and I jump in mud puddles, I already have towels laid out for the walk to the bathroom, and I have a bucket with soapy water waiting for them to soak. As long as your nanny isn't limiting the kids' activities or hounding them about cleanliness (or anything else), it doesn't have to be an issue. If anything, ime, a nanny with OCD is more likely to come up with fun ways to have kids learn routines to keep their areas tidy, which means less headache for the parents and kids both.

[Anonymous]

I think that this is a huge plus rather than an issue that needs addressing OP.

It sounds to me as if she functions well if her external environment is calm. Messy surroundings only lead to stress and chaos.

I like to have things a certain way, when I nanny and have some down time, I love to organize the child's toys, books and clothes. The parents tell me they love coming home to a neat house. They love having the toys picked up, the dishes washed and out of the sink and no crumbs or anything else on the floor.

You have won the nanny lotto tenfold. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that this is a huge plus rather than an issue that needs addressing OP.

It sounds to me as if she functions well if her external environment is calm. Messy surroundings only lead to stress and chaos.

I like to have things a certain way, when I nanny and have some down time, I love to organize the child's toys, books and clothes. The parents tell me they love coming home to a neat house. They love having the toys picked up, the dishes washed and out of the sink and no crumbs or anything else on the floor.

You have won the nanny lotto tenfold. Enjoy.

I disagree. I think obsessively clean spaces are every bit as stressful as overly messy ones. Note: Overly. A little mess is fine. That's living. When you stress about the kids getting one spot of paint on their shirt (that was admittedly by mom purchased used) or one tiny drop being missed during clean up, or one hair falling out of someone's head and landing on the floor etc. then no learning happens because I'm not going to do crafts and projects in a home where every little detail has to be just so or I'll hear about it via text, email and in person the next day. Now, THAT is stressful and chaotic to my mental health. There needs to be a happy medium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that this is a huge plus rather than an issue that needs addressing OP.

It sounds to me as if she functions well if her external environment is calm. Messy surroundings only lead to stress and chaos.

I like to have things a certain way, when I nanny and have some down time, I love to organize the child's toys, books and clothes. The parents tell me they love coming home to a neat house. They love having the toys picked up, the dishes washed and out of the sink and no crumbs or anything else on the floor.

You have won the nanny lotto tenfold. Enjoy.

I disagree. I think obsessively clean spaces are every bit as stressful as overly messy ones. Note: Overly. A little mess is fine. That's living. When you stress about the kids getting one spot of paint on their shirt (that was admittedly by mom purchased used) or one tiny drop being missed during clean up, or one hair falling out of someone's head and landing on the floor etc. then no learning happens because I'm not going to do crafts and projects in a home where every little detail has to be just so or I'll hear about it via text, email and in person the next day. Now, THAT is stressful and chaotic to my mental health. There needs to be a happy medium.

Exactly my point in the above post when I said there's learning in making a mess. A child needs play and fun but afterward they need to clean up after themselves: They learn this way. What you don't want is a child worrying or being afraid to play because they wont make a mess. That hinders learning. OP, all nannies, sitters, and daycares are temporary, your child is for life so do what's right for him. Also you are preparing him for the real world where there's all sort of people. Ask yourself how will she cope in school, how about college, and work, and public areas such as restaurant, movies, the pool...

[Anonymous]

I have OCD ( actually diagnosed, not just anal about things) and it doesnt affect me being a good Nanny.
Its like the other PP said, We still paint and do messy things, I just am super organized before we start as far as having paper down, wipes handy, brushes and paint all out before I get the kids to the table.
I wouldnt worry about your Nanny OP unless you see it affecting her quality of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have OCD ( actually diagnosed, not just anal about things) and it doesnt affect me being a good Nanny.
Its like the other PP said, We still paint and do messy things, I just am super organized before we start as far as having paper down, wipes handy, brushes and paint all out before I get the kids to the table.
I wouldnt worry about your Nanny OP unless you see it affecting her quality of life.

Yes but this is quite strange, the children are ushered to and from an activity without being involved in the whole thing. Wiping hands constantly, making sure things are not out of place etc. OCD does effect the child, children learn from watching, and mimicking behaviors. Would you let your charges practice skills spontaneously or does it have to be planned? Poring their own drink, setting up an art project, carrying dishes to the sink. All of theses are great for autonomy, and life skills. Most with OCD would find the act of watching a child learn these things painful and avoid them. My DH's mother did thus to him, he now struggles with the same things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have OCD ( actually diagnosed, not just anal about things) and it doesnt affect me being a good Nanny.
Its like the other PP said, We still paint and do messy things, I just am super organized before we start as far as having paper down, wipes handy, brushes and paint all out before I get the kids to the table.
I wouldnt worry about your Nanny OP unless you see it affecting her quality of life.

Yes but this is quite strange, the children are ushered to and from an activity without being involved in the whole thing. Wiping hands constantly, making sure things are not out of place etc. OCD does effect the child, children learn from watching, and mimicking behaviors. Would you let your charges practice skills spontaneously or does it have to be planned? Poring their own drink, setting up an art project, carrying dishes to the sink. All of theses are great for autonomy, and life skills. Most with OCD would find the act of watching a child learn these things painful and avoid them. My DH's mother did thus to him, he now struggles with the same things.

21.27 here. The kids help me lay out towels if they are old enough, or they walk along the towel trail if they're toddlers and gleefully scream that we need more. I don't have an issue with helping kids get dirty, and I would never dream of telling a child they couldn't help me set up an activity or clean up afterwards. Yes, I have moderate OCD, but there are ways to manage it, and all of my bosses appreciate that the kids learn early to have fun while cleaning up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she is ocd ( obse conpl disor ) but I think she is a clean FREAK. I wouldn't like my child worrying about making a mess in her own home because mess is part of life and there's learning in making mess. Definitely talk to her.

Learning to make a mess ? Never ok. Teach children to clean, not make messes.

You have to teach children to clean after they make a make. Cleaning and organizing after done with their toys etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she is ocd ( obse conpl disor ) but I think she is a clean FREAK. I wouldn't like my child worrying about making a mess in her own home because mess is part of life and there's learning in making mess. Definitely talk to her.

Learning to make a mess ? Never ok. Teach children to clean, not make messes.

You have to teach children to clean after they make a make. Cleaning and organizing after done with their toys etc.

21.27 here. I disagree. Kids who learn to plan out things early are more likely to keep cleaning up after themselves later when it's no longer a game. There's no reason to pull out every single toy, so the child can learn to put one thing back before she gets out another. A boy who knows that paint will go all over can learn to grab a paint shirt and put down paper or plastic under whatever he's painting. I start kids helping me with prep and clean up as soon as they are dong activities, even if it's as simple as dropping the crayon in the box at 9 months. It doesn't stop spontaneity. A 4 year old who knows how to prep and clean up will run and grab the paint shirt along with the paint and brushes, it's just part of his routine. Prep doesn't have to take more than 30 seconds for something simple, and it more than halves clean up. Ok, in the towel trail example, it takes closer to 5 minutes, but that's because it's a game that the kids love. As I stated before, every single one of my bosses appreciates that the kids get a foundation that allows them to see prep and clean up as part of the activity. The kids don't see clean up as separate, so there's never an argument about whose job it is or when it needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

Remember that not all OCD shows up as keeping things clean. Someone with OCD might not be able to use a door to exit/enter a room until touching the door know 4 times. So don't assume that someone with real OCD isn't allowing your child to get messy.

That being said, OP, I think you need to listen to your child - does your child seem worried that "she's making a mess, oh no, that's a problem" with anxiety? Does she not do something because "it might be messy, might make a mess, there are too many pieces to pick up"? Then those are warning signs that the nanny (or someone around the child) is overly worried about mess, messy, cleanup, and your child will therefore internalize that, and I wouldn't want that for my child.

But doing what the nanny who makes a towel trail does? That the children learn how to prep for an activity then clean up afterwards? I just want to hire her... because prepping for something (even making sure you have a pencil and the right paper for your homework) is an important skill to learn. It's part of executive function, so that nanny's charges are learning those steps as well as having fun painting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the nanny has OCD. Being a neat freak is not the same as OCD. I am so tired of people minimizing what OCD is...and it is rampant these days that people think they know what true OCD is. There are varying levels of OCD, and if someone can hold a job, they don't have a the kind of debilitating OCD that can affect kids. My husband is a neat freak. He does not have OCD.

And as the other poster said, OCD is not always about being neat. OCD is about doing rituals that one can't control repetitively. If you are talking about cleaning as one manifestation, that could mean cleaning the same spot 10 or 20 times before being able to move and do another activity.

My mom has a bad case of OCD, has always refused medication, and I turned out fine. (And her OCD is the kind that she could never hold a job because her obsessive compulsive rituals take all day...oh, and she is not a neat freak. She washes her hands until they are raw but that is the end of anything dealing with cleanliness with her OCD.

The immediate previous poster got it exactly right with the doorknob example. When I was 8 years old, I saw my mother count to three multiple times before opening a door. That was odd. That was OCD.

Having everything super clean and organized? That is just being someone who likes everything in order. Not OCD.

I think you are just not used to someone who is extremely neat. I'd take that over a messy nanny any day. (I have the messier kind who does not pick up around the house and then I find myself doing it after work).