Not bonding with new baby
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
This is going to sound awful.... So I've been with my charge three years. I started watching her when she was eight weeks old. We're close and I enjoy spending my days with her. Seven weeks ago my Nanny family had a second little girl. I cannot seem to bond with this new baby at all. She isn't an easy baby at all. The day they brought her home she got handed off to me. MB is on maternity leave but you would never know she's even here besides the constant mess she leaves in the kitchen. Before I can even sit my bag down when I get there in the morning she hands her off to me. She cries non stop. You can never sit her down, you have to walk a certain way, no loud noises, no sitting etc. Constanly screams. This all goes on while I have my three year old charge as well. I've tried to not pick her up right away if she cried but that's the only time "mommy" pops in and tells me what to do. But she never takes the baby. Ten hours of misery. All day. I can't even eat my lunch. I have so much to do around the house and the constant texts my mb sends of little things I can do for her blah blah are making me go batty.
So this is where I feel bad. I feel NO attachment to this more baby. I dread spending my day with her. There is no bond. Has anyone ever had this problem? Does it get better? Is there something I can do? |
Anonymous
|
Has she been examined for reflux?
Have you tried wearing her in a wrap or carrier. |
Anonymous
| It's normal for an infant to want to be held. You can try a wrap or carrier to hold her against you and leave your hands free. |
Anonymous
| Bonds don't hapoen immediately. It takes me 9-12 months to truly bond with a child. The issue is this baby is difficult and you don't like it. Sounds like the baby is in pain from reflux. This isn't a bonding issue more the a medical one. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like my kid before reflux meds and Rx formula. +1 on the carrier, especially to hold her upright which really helps. |
Anonymous
|
Sounds like the mom has PPD. Does the dad seem concerned at all? Has he seen this dynamic?
For the baby, reflux or colic should be checked out. What does the ped say? |
Anonymous
| I hope she is paying you a lot extra. She isn't doing anything but making more trouble for you. I would be looking--huge red flag. |
Anonymous
|
From what you just described to us OP, it is no wonder that you feel little to zero attachment to this new child.
The circumstances surrounding her arrival sound hellish to me. You are responsible for caring for a very demanding as well as quite difficult newborn infant while at the same time, responsible for another young child as well. I seriously don't know how you manage. How anyone could manage. And you also have household tasks on top of all of this...??! Man, you couldn't pay me a million.... Your job sounds quite chaotic to me, I think you should talk to your Mom Boss & at the very least, ask her if you can be excused from any household duties until things w/the new baby gain more stability. Also, if sooner or later this all becomes too much to handle on a daily basis, perhaps you should seek another position...One where you only care for one child or at least where multiple children are older. And I agree w/the poster above. She best be paying you a ton of money for all of your physical/mental/emotional stress. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Try a wrap or a carrier so your hands are free. Hold the baby upright as much as possible to reduce reflux. Suggest to the parents that the baby might have reflux. If your MB is in the house and texting you stuff, feel free not to answer right away if you have your hands full with the baby. |
Anonymous
| She's not your child so you don't need to bond with her, you just need to take care of her as you are. Try a bouncy seat or swing and see if the motion, vibration or sound helps. Also, if its reflux, and she's on formula, see if they will change formulas and try meds. |
Anonymous
Are you a parent or a nanny? |
Anonymous
Fantastic, so the person who is with this baby for 5 days a week can be aloof and not bond at all with the baby? Sounds like you want this child to have attachment and emotional issues later. |
Anonymous
|
I think you need to:
1) begin putting feelers out for a new job. You need to get a backup plan together 2) call a meeting with the parents and explain that the baby's needs are demanding all of your time and the current situation is unsustainable. Ask that they talk to the pediatrician about reflux or another medical issue. Give them some possible solutions for the short term: A) MB takes the baby for at least 3 hours per day (overlapping with toddler's nap/quiet time for the day) so that you get a break B) You continue to care for both children but with zero household tasks in addition C) They hire a mother's helper to come hold/walk the baby for at least 3 hours overlapping with toddler's nap/quiet time Make it clear that you are at the end of your rope and you cannot continue to care for both children and accomplish ANY household tasks unless you get a significant break. This is not about the baby and it is not a bonding issue, it is about the structure of this job. |
Anonymous
|
In my five years working in a daycare I've seen all type of babies. From those who sleep, smile, and play all day to those who cry, annoy, and stress you all day.
You've received good suggestions on this thread, however I'd like to add a need for a ROUTINE. You need to implement a schedule for this baby. Forget the crying for now, make sure she is bathed, skin moisturized, and fully fed with warm milk, diaper dry then wrap her up in a swaddle and put her in her crib turn light off and go about your business (leave her there for an hour and a half at least). Repeat every 2-3 hours. Do this religiously for 2 weeks and you may notice a big change. Of course you need to discuss it with the family before you start because some are not very understanding. |
Anonymous
Yes yes yes! |