Not bonding with new baby

[Anonymous]

MB here. Don't worry that you are not bonding with the baby. Neither is the mom apparently. Some babies are just a total pain as newborns. I had a couple.

Tell your MB that you can't get all your duties done around the house until baby grows out of this phase and calms down. If she resists, just put the baby down and let her scream her head off. Bring headphones to listen to music while you are doing your chores. If the screaming bothers the mother, she will have to make a choice of letting you hold the baby all day or doing your chores.

Tell MB to have baby checked for reflux. Try the swing. Keep baby moving- maybe take long stroller walks- that usually calmed my fussy babies. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job and tell your AH MB to shove it, leave, and never look back. You are too good for this witch.

[Anonymous]

Dont quit on bad terms. Three years is a long time gap and your next employer will want to contact her for references. Only you know your situation and ultimately the decision is yours so think it through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dont quit on bad terms. Three years is a long time gap and your next employer will want to contact her for references. Only you know your situation and ultimately the decision is yours so think it through.

If hervpredent bad mouths her. OP can sue.

[Anonymous]

I would give it some time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my five years working in a daycare I've seen all type of babies. From those who sleep, smile, and play all day to those who cry, annoy, and stress you all day.

You've received good suggestions on this thread, however I'd like to add a need for a ROUTINE. You need to implement a schedule for this baby. Forget the crying for now, make sure she is bathed, skin moisturized, and fully fed with warm milk, diaper dry then wrap her up in a swaddle and put her in her crib turn light off and go about your business (leave her there for an hour and a half at least). Repeat every 2-3 hours. Do this religiously for 2 weeks and you may notice a big change. Of course you need to discuss it with the family before you start because some are not very understanding.

Yes yes yes!

+ 1,000

She sounds like she's overtired and may have reflux. I am in the same boat as you except my mb is wonderful and it has been hellish for all of us. We are on day 2 of a routine similar to the above and it's like night and day. Also 3 hrs between naps is a long time for a baby of that age. Most 2mo olds are taking 3 90min-2hr naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my five years working in a daycare I've seen all type of babies. From those who sleep, smile, and play all day to those who cry, annoy, and stress you all day.

You've received good suggestions on this thread, however I'd like to add a need for a ROUTINE. You need to implement a schedule for this baby. Forget the crying for now, make sure she is bathed, skin moisturized, and fully fed with warm milk, diaper dry then wrap her up in a swaddle and put her in her crib turn light off and go about your business (leave her there for an hour and a half at least). Repeat every 2-3 hours. Do this religiously for 2 weeks and you may notice a big change. Of course you need to discuss it with the family before you start because some are not very understanding.

Yes yes yes!

+ 1,000

She sounds like she's overtired and may have reflux. I am in the same boat as you except my mb is wonderful and it has been hellish for all of us. We are on day 2 of a routine similar to the above and it's like night and day. Also 3 hrs between naps is a long time for a baby of that age. Most 2mo olds are taking 3 90min-2hr naps.

Except that OP doesn't need strategies to deal with the baby. She needs strategies to deal with MB, who is ignoring her baby and toddler but still expects OP to keep the baby from crying and do all her usual housekeeping plus extra stuff for MB since she's around more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my five years working in a daycare I've seen all type of babies. From those who sleep, smile, and play all day to those who cry, annoy, and stress you all day.

You've received good suggestions on this thread, however I'd like to add a need for a ROUTINE. You need to implement a schedule for this baby. Forget the crying for now, make sure she is bathed, skin moisturized, and fully fed with warm milk, diaper dry then wrap her up in a swaddle and put her in her crib turn light off and go about your business (leave her there for an hour and a half at least). Repeat every 2-3 hours. Do this religiously for 2 weeks and you may notice a big change. Of course you need to discuss it with the family before you start because some are not very understanding.

Yes yes yes!

+ 1,000

She sounds like she's overtired and may have reflux. I am in the same boat as you except my mb is wonderful and it has been hellish for all of us. We are on day 2 of a routine similar to the above and it's like night and day. Also 3 hrs between naps is a long time for a baby of that age. Most 2mo olds are taking 3 90min-2hr naps.

Except that OP doesn't need strategies to deal with the baby. She needs strategies to deal with MB, who is ignoring her baby and toddler but still expects OP to keep the baby from crying and do all her usual housekeeping plus extra stuff for MB since she's around more.

True but the op needs to have a chat with mom and tell her she either needs to help or stay out of the way(using nicer language). If not op can find a new job. If your a good nanny which it sounds like op is, finding a new job should only take a few weeks to a month.

[Anonymous]

I am fine with some type of sleep/nap training -- but 8 weeks old is too young to leave a baby down for 1.5 hours to cry. The baby should be 4 months old before trying any "cry it out." But the baby should be napping on and off throughout the day. Newborns need a lot of care, and a lot of them cry a lot and want to be held. It's normal. They grow out of it.

You should take a two-pronged approach:

1) Talk to the MB about the workload / your duties. Figure out what you can handle. Do you have any newborn experience / like babies? Some nannies are just not good baby nannies. Maybe you can't handle a small baby for more than X hours per day, and you need to tell MB that.

2) With the baby, it sounds like there are a lot of things you could try that you haven't -- wearing the baby in a wrap, using a swing, stroller. Talk to the mom about checking for reflux. Maybe the baby has an allergy to something in the mom's breastmilk, so the mom should maybe do an elimination diet. Maybe the problem is the formula. Maybe the baby is just colicy -- which some are, and then you are somewhat out of luck. Read Dr. Karp's book.

[Anonymous]

Please ignore the PP who suggested having a newborn with reflux cry it out alone ON THEIR BACK. I would lose my mind if my nanny tried this. Encourage MB to get this poor child some treatment for the reflux and keep him upright in a carrier during the day until the meds can work. Inclining the crib helps at night.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Seems terribly cruel to leave baby for over an hour to cry at 7 weeks? Please don't do this. Get a baby carrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please ignore the PP who suggested having a newborn with reflux cry it out alone ON THEIR BACK. I would lose my mind if my nanny tried this. Encourage MB to get this poor child some treatment for the reflux and keep him upright in a carrier during the day until the meds can work. Inclining the crib helps at night.

It isn't tgevnanny"s place to tell the mother what to do with the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. Seems terribly cruel to leave baby for over an hour to cry at 7 weeks? Please don't do this. Get a baby carrier.

The baby isn't hungry, need changing or otherwise in distress, so it is not going to hurt to let the kid cry other than driving you crazy, but is will not hurt t he baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. Seems terribly cruel to leave baby for over an hour to cry at 7 weeks? Please don't do this. Get a baby carrier.

The baby isn't hungry, need changing or otherwise in distress, so it is not going to hurt to let the kid cry other than driving you crazy, but is will not hurt t he baby.

Excessive crying stresses the baby, emotional and physically. While stressed, the body's focus shifts from growth (mental, physical and emotional) to dealing with the stress. There is plenty of research showing that a child who is left repeatedly to cry for long periods of time is more at risk for failure to thrive and other issues.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Here's an update. Things got ugly. Seriously. My suggestion of acid reflux was not welcomed or appreciated and that was a no go on the carrier. Whatever. MB pushed me over the edge. We constantly had to skip my older charges classes. She went out to lunches and stuff with friends and couldn't be bothered. So I ended up putting in my notice. I stuck it out until after maternity leave to see if it could get better. It did not. Just so many more issues. I feel bad for my charges.