Need an outside perspective.

[Anonymous]

My DD has always loved all her babysitters/caregivers - with the exception of one (when she was a baby though), and also my mom (they just don't get along, because my mom doesn't like to play). She likes the extra attention, and fun. It's never been a problem leaving her with a babysitter. She also loved her current one, until recently. She flat out said she didn't like her - not sure what happened, but she's never said that before. It is very uncharacteristic of her, and previously she liked her just fine.

Should I be concerned? Or is this just a 3yo attitude/mood thing popping up? I wonder if it's because I had the sitter take my car to pick her up for the first time, and I didn't let her know in advance. It's probably nothing, right?

[Anonymous]

The sitter may have told her no or put her in time out or something. Did you ask her why the change? Could be a three year old being a three year old who didn't get her way.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Also it's possible your daughter was being bossy during play saying do this and say that and you're doing it wrong etc and the sitter said if you don't stop that I won't play with you Zander maybe even followed through. Kids hate it when I follow through on a threat.

[Anonymous]

Oh my ~ I just dealing with the same situation with my MB daughter today!

She is 5. We are so good together until today. Why? okay here what happened. We been playing tooth fairy since Monday! We take turn to be the tooth fairy. She love this game like CRAZY! she want to play it for like 100 times! I told he she need to play a little bit of my game and I can play a little bit with her game. Im teaching her how to not thinking about herself only. She refused.

I told her we can play the tooth fairy after we take a walk or after we complete our small board puzzle. She said NO!
She said she want to play tooth fairy. I told her we already played the game 4 times this morning and time to do something else.

Suddenly she said " I hate you" "pooo pooo" peee peee "pooo pooo" like 20 times non stop. Just to test my me. I ignore her and start playing a new game "collecting chewing gums" (small colorful balls). She like it and forgot abt these tooth fairy things.

I bet if she told her mom she hate me, my MB would like to know the reason. I'm not worry at all. Will tell her everything + pictures of her daughter been rude to me.

[Anonymous]

You know your dd better than anyone else.

I'll say though that my 4 year old is not very reliable. I would not put that much stock into it at all unless it was backed up by other things such as running to you instead of nanny in the morning, crying when you leave, continued statements like that, other less enthusiastic behavior toward the nanny.

[Anonymous]

I would never put any stock in such a response from my kids. Never. Ask the sitter if you want but even in asking you are accusing.

[Anonymous]

While it could be nothing at all, I couldn't live with myself if I later found out it was something that I ignored.

See if you can get your DD to articulate more why she doesn't like the current sitter. Try to get as many specifics as possible.

Then wait a week or two and see if your DD's opinion changes. (Kids can change their tune any time....Just the nanny offering a popsicle may take them from the "Black" list to the top of their "Like" list.)

If you do not feel comfortable after speaking with your child, do not hesitate to talk to your sitter.

Be as tactful as possible, the last thing you want to do is offend her in any possible way. Esp. over a three year old's comments.

[Anonymous]

When DD was three she told me that my best friend hit her in the chest and pushed her into the pool. Of course it was not true. My DD just didn't like that I took paid attention to my friend and not DD when friend was visiting.

I would not believe your child. She probably just doesn't want you to leave. Plus not all good childcare givers/teachers/tutors have to be liked by the child.

[Anonymous]

Now if it were a male sitter would everyone be defending him. Be careful MB females can be abusers too. Maybe get a nanny cam?

[Anonymous]

Here's how you address it with DD:
"I'm sorry to hear that you don't like Sitter. You two usually have so much fun? What happened this time that made it less fun?"
Then listen, but remember: leading questions will get you wrong answers!

Here's how you address it with the sitter:
"Normally, Larla has nothing but glowing things to say about you, but last time she was really negative. Is there something that went wrong? Of there was a behavior issue, I want to make sure to reinforce your authority, and if there's some kind of personality clash, I want to talk her through how to communicate with your respectfully. Let me know how I can help prepare her for next time!"

You should get two versions of what happened and then you have to go with your gut about whether the sitter was inappropriately short or something or whether this is threenager drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how you address it with DD:
"I'm sorry to hear that you don't like Sitter. You two usually have so much fun? What happened this time that made it less fun?"
Then listen, but remember: leading questions will get you wrong answers!

Here's how you address it with the sitter:
"Normally, Larla has nothing but glowing things to say about you, but last time she was really negative. Is there something that went wrong? Of there was a behavior issue, I want to make sure to reinforce your authority, and if there's some kind of personality clash, I want to talk her through how to communicate with your respectfully. Let me know how I can help prepare her for next time!"

You should get two versions of what happened and then you have to go with your gut about whether the sitter was inappropriately short or something or whether this is threenager drama.

I hope the babysitter quits on the spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how you address it with DD:
"I'm sorry to hear that you don't like Sitter. You two usually have so much fun? What happened this time that made it less fun?"
Then listen, but remember: leading questions will get you wrong answers!

Here's how you address it with the sitter:
"Normally, Larla has nothing but glowing things to say about you, but last time she was really negative. Is there something that went wrong? Of there was a behavior issue, I want to make sure to reinforce your authority, and if there's some kind of personality clash, I want to talk her through how to communicate with your respectfully. Let me know how I can help prepare her for next time!"

You should get two versions of what happened and then you have to go with your gut about whether the sitter was inappropriately short or something or whether this is threenager drama.

I hope the babysitter quits on the spot.

+1 Seriously, life is too fricking short to go through all that drama on the stated dislike of a bratty child. It is a babysitting gig. If you never hire this sitter again I am sure can can replace your family in minutes with another babysitting job.

[Anonymous]

12:25 here and I am a nanny/sitter. If a kid you worked with suddenly had negative feelings about you coming, you wouldn't want to know? I would WANT to work with the parents to find a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:25 here and I am a nanny/sitter. If a kid you worked with suddenly had negative feelings about you coming, you wouldn't want to know? I would WANT to work with the parents to find a solution.

I would move on. If the parent doesn't trust me and believes the lies of a child, I am better off with another family.

I am very sought after as a sitter - I do not need the third degree based on the fabrications of a child.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one. Three year-olds are not super reliable but at the same time, your kid feels how she feels and if she's genuinely uncomfortable for any reason, you need to listen to her. It doesn't have to mean the sitter abused her or anything like that - there may just be a personality clash. But that happens, and at the end of the day you have to figure out what is right for your DD.

I think how to proceed depends a lot on the circumstances. I'd ask your child to elaborate on why she feels that way - and ask multiple times over the course of a few days and see what answers you get. Also is this an occasional sitter? Full-time nanny? Something in between? And how long has she been working for you? And how did your DD react to her before? And how upset is your DD really? There are a lot of variables to consider and it's hard to evaluate from the outside how much weight to put on each - ultimately, I think you just need to figure out how bad it really is and trust your mommy gut on this one.

Also, I might ask your sitter if something happened. Honestly, if she was offended and/or quit, that would be a huge red flag to me and I'd feel like I was better off anyway. I'd hope any and all of my child's caregivers to want my child to feel safe and loved, even when being disciplined. It may be nothing more than the two of you getting on the same page about discipline or you reminding your DD that she has to listen when the sitter is in charge. But ultimately - depending on why your DD says she is upset, of course, you may need to hear your sitter's version of the events to decide how to proceed.

FWIW, your sitter could have done everything right, and your DD could still have legitimate negative feelings. Sometimes personalities conflict and (I say this as someone with a child prone to anxiety) you ultimately just have to weigh all the variables to figure out how to proceed.