Keep me in your thoughts

[Anonymous]

Grandparents are visiting for 6 weeks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are visiting for 6 weeks!

Yikes, I'm a parent and a six week visit would push me past my limits. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

6 weeks? Hell no. That is changing a core component of your job for a serious amount of time, and depending on the grandparents, I might be looking for a new one. If I were you I'd want reassurance from my MB that they would be working with me to keep this visit from being excessively disruptive, that your workload would not increase or change drastically in nature, and that the grandparents will recognize you as the caregiver during the day.

A 6 week visit sounds like they are foreign, potentially from a culture that has different ideas about how to treat domestic workers. Set boundaries early! Do not start cleaning after them, preparing their meals, or taking orders.

[Anonymous]

God help you! I agree with PP - set your boundaries early and in stone. Literally, do not pick up a coffee spoon they leave on the counter in the first week they are there to set the stage.

Always think in the best interest of your charge. If that means asking the grandparents to do or don't do something they want to do - stick to your guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God help you! I agree with PP - set your boundaries early and in stone. Literally, do not pick up a coffee spoon they leave on the counter in the first week they are there to set the stage.

Always think in the best interest of your charge. If that means asking the grandparents to do or don't do something they want to do - stick to your guns.

Ugh this! I once had a set of grandparents that would wait until I got the kids down for nap (in a small and very open condo), and Grandma would start banging around in the kitchen blending and mixing, while Grandpa would turn the TV on with the volume turned up super loud because the man was half deaf. Luckily they were usually only around for maybe a week at a time.

[Anonymous]

Yikes.

Discuss with the parents firsthand that you would really appreciate it if they could speak to the grandparents and let them know while you know the kid(s) will love having them around for six weeks, you would really appreciate it if they would let you do your job with minimal interfering.

[Anonymous]

They have been here a week and a half.
Grandpa is not so bad just loud.

Grandma on the other hand is mildly racist and doesn't like that she's not in charge during the day, she literally follows me around and second guesses everything I do.

It's all I can do to keep from shouting at her you raised two babies 5 years a part in the 80s.

I have been caring for infant multiples the last 10 years. There is a reason I do what I do with your grandson and granddaughter.

Explaining this pleasantly hasn't worked.

I'm hesitant to say too much to MB as she and DB both have high stress jobs, and these are MB's parents.

But it's at the point I'm considering resigning. I had two families approach me about my services just this past weekend, so I wouldn't be without work.
Glad I have the day off today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have been here a week and a half.
Grandpa is not so bad just loud.

Grandma on the other hand is mildly racist and doesn't like that she's not in charge during the day, she literally follows me around and second guesses everything I do.

It's all I can do to keep from shouting at her you raised two babies 5 years a part in the 80s.

I have been caring for infant multiples the last 10 years. There is a reason I do what I do with your grandson and granddaughter.

Explaining this pleasantly hasn't worked.

I'm hesitant to say too much to MB as she and DB both have high stress jobs, and these are MB's parents.

But it's at the point I'm considering resigning. I had two families approach me about my services just this past weekend, so I wouldn't be without work.
Glad I have the day off today.

Talk to MB tonight, let her know that something has to change with her mom or you will be finding a new job. It isn't fair to you to have her mom so horrible, but it isn't fair to your MB and DB to leave them in the lurch either.

[Anonymous]

If I leave it will be with proper notice.

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is in addition to being a tired new mom, my is the "golden child" where as her younger sister is the black sheep , so I think she'll have a hard time speaking with her parents , mostly mom . I can deal with a heavy footed grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are visiting for 6 weeks!

Have you met them before?

[Anonymous]

Please give your employers the chance to manage this (if you like the job otherwise.)

I'm an MB and our kids have three sets of grandparents, all of whom live far enough away that when they come to visit they are here for several days. (6 weeks is another issue - I can't even imagine!)

My husband and I put limits on the amount of time grandparents can stay, we put limits on the amount of time they should expect to spend with the kids during the day, we set up activities for the nanny to do with the kids (and without grandparents) and we VERY explicitly manage things to minimize the nightmare for the nanny.

We make sure she (the nanny) knows that she is in charge - period - and that she is answerable only to us, not any grandparent. We are very direct with the grandparents in telling them that they are secondary to maintaining the kids' routine, that they must defer to the nanny's care and authority with the kids, and that they - no matter how delightful they may be (or think they are) are a difficult thing for a nanny to manage. We make it non-negotiable.

There is one MIL that fights us routinely on this and we have had to be a very united front. We also work hard to make sure our nanny knows she can talk with us about this, that we are on her side, etc...

So give your employers a chance to rise to the occasion and at least know that they risk losing you if they can't manage this. They will risk the same thing with anyone else they hire so if they're smart they'll fix it now so they can keep you.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Also, give some thought to how you can be as specific as possible w/ your employers. What can you live with and what are non-negotiables? (It will be easier for them probably if you're really clear, rather than just saying "please control your mother".)

So try to figure out what specifically they can limit or allow and what you can live with. Then ask very directly for those things. Like - make it clear that my authority trumps theirs, help me plan things outside the house, work out a schedule for a couple of hours each day that is primarily grandparent time (during which time you can prepare meals, do laundry, etc...)

[Anonymous]

Houseguests when the kids are 1- 4 yo are disruptive no matter how nice. It's the same as a "vacation" with pre-k's.

Kids stop napping, kids stop eating, kids start acting up, etc.

Very frustrating for all involved. Not relaxing, takes a week or two to get habits back on track once they're gone. Yuck. Hope you're not potty training or trying to teach some specific skill!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please give your employers the chance to manage this (if you like the job otherwise.)

I'm an MB and our kids have three sets of grandparents, all of whom live far enough away that when they come to visit they are here for several days. (6 weeks is another issue - I can't even imagine!)

My husband and I put limits on the amount of time grandparents can stay, we put limits on the amount of time they should expect to spend with the kids during the day, we set up activities for the nanny to do with the kids (and without grandparents) and we VERY explicitly manage things to minimize the nightmare for the nanny.

We make sure she (the nanny) knows that she is in charge - period - and that she is answerable only to us, not any grandparent. We are very direct with the grandparents in telling them that they are secondary to maintaining the kids' routine, that they must defer to the nanny's care and authority with the kids, and that they - no matter how delightful they may be (or think they are) are a difficult thing for a nanny to manage. We make it non-negotiable.

There is one MIL that fights us routinely on this and we have had to be a very united front. We also work hard to make sure our nanny knows she can talk with us about this, that we are on her side, etc...

So give your employers a chance to rise to the occasion and at least know that they risk losing you if they can't manage this. They will risk the same thing with anyone else they hire so if they're smart they'll fix it now so they can keep you.

Good luck.

I wish I had employers like you.
Talked to MB and DB together tonight. DB didn't say much, but MB without saying so made it clear she wasn't going to talk to her mother, basically made excuses for her. I'm hoping DB can reason with her.
If put my best into this job as always I am part of the reason their 6 month olds are STTN. I love these babies, but I cannot work without respect.
I'm sad.
I'm going to call the families that contacted me, but I'm really sad.