Vent: former MB reminds me why I quit

[Anonymous]

Backstory: I nannied for this woman's twins from their first birthday for the next 4 years. MB had a history of being irresponsible (late pay, etc.) and inconsiderate but I stuck it out. I was going to move on and she told me she was leaving her husband and had filed for separation that week, so I stayed another year to provide consistency to the kids.

I have now moved on and she made a big freaking deal when I left about how I will always be in their lives. For their birthday this weekend I had planned an outing with them on Saturday and cleared it all with her over a month ago, talked to the kids about it for weeks, etc. I texted her today to ask what time I should pick them up and she said, "oh, actually only one twin can go, the other has a club activity. Hope that's okay."

Seriously? No, it's not okay. I scheduled this time with both of them because I don't get to see them after being their primary caregiver for 5 years. It's rude as hell for her to cancel without giving me the courtesy of talking it over and scheduling another time for this event (there now is no other time because I am booked for all weekend days other than this one, which I specifically reserved). Firthermore, she didn't even inform me after the fact. I love these kids and it hurts so much to be shown that my role in their lives is completely disposable in her opinion.

[Anonymous]

Reconnect and enjoy the one child. Make plans to have the other child at some point in the future. Remember you are doing this for the kids not the idiot mother.

[Anonymous]

Lady, it's nice that you care so much, but you need to move on and encourage the kids to move on too. There's nothing wrong with the one kid having an obligation. My DD has stuff come up last minute all the time for school projects, clubs, lessons, etc. Shit happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady, it's nice that you care so much, but you need to move on and encourage the kids to move on too. There's nothing wrong with the one kid having an obligation. My DD has stuff come up last minute all the time for school projects, clubs, lessons, etc. Shit happens.

NP here. I am an MB and I know the bond my son has with his nanny. I don't think that you do understand that bond. Abandonment (which is how the child feels it) is not the way to "move on". Yes, shit happens. And yes, in my opinion, OP should reschedule with the other twin for a later time but to say simply forget about the kids is very damaging to the kids. OP was their caretaker and solace for 80% of their lives.

I pray, for your DD's sake, that you are not so dismissive of her relationship with her nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, it's nice that you care so much, but you need to move on and encourage the kids to move on too. There's nothing wrong with the one kid having an obligation. My DD has stuff come up last minute all the time for school projects, clubs, lessons, etc. Shit happens.

NP here. I am an MB and I know the bond my son has with his nanny. I don't think that you do understand that bond. Abandonment (which is how the child feels it) is not the way to "move on". Yes, shit happens. And yes, in my opinion, OP should reschedule with the other twin for a later time but to say simply forget about the kids is very damaging to the kids. OP was their caretaker and solace for 80% of their lives.

I pray, for your DD's sake, that you are not so dismissive of her relationship with her nanny.

My daughter is just fine. The kids shouldn't feel abandoned since the nanny or parent (or both) should have explained to them that the nanny was moving on or the kids had grown out of needing a nanny or whatever. I didn't tell OP to forget about the kids, but to move on with her life and encourage the kids to do the same.

[Anonymous]

What a bitchy insecure parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady, it's nice that you care so much, but you need to move on and encourage the kids to move on too. There's nothing wrong with the one kid having an obligation. My DD has stuff come up last minute all the time for school projects, clubs, lessons, etc. Shit happens.

I am aware that kids have obligations. Did you see the bit where I managed these particular kids schedules for 5 years? And I have moved on, and encouraged them to bond with their new nanny. But this one time per year (their birthday), I really looked forward to reconnecting and scheduled this far in advance and really feel that I deserved the minimum courtesy of her telling me as soon as she knew there was an issue instead of finding out only because I happened to text her.

[Anonymous]

maybe she doesn't want to deal with you anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe she doesn't want to deal with you anymore

Yup, you are a nanny, not a relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe she doesn't want to deal with you anymore

I have had families who wanted no/minimal contact and I've abided by that. SHE is the one who had made a big deal about me still being a part of their lives and she calls me regularly to ask advice about the kids or vent about her ex DH. I honestly thought that we were friends to an extent, which is part of why I stuck it out so long. Clearly I was mistaken. I am not her friend. I am the help and in the future will need to remember that and not take her calls, keep it professional etc.

[Anonymous]

While I can understand your frustration in this situation, I think you should just take the other twin out for the day and enjoy some one-on-one time w/him or her.

It may be more enjoyable to the child if she/he never gets to have individual time alone away from their sibling.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to say I completely agree with you OP. You scheduled this in advance and she gave you the ok, it was very rude of her not to follow through.