I think my nanny is avoiding me....
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Anonymous
| I'm currently on maternity leave after having baby number 2. My DD is 2 1/2 and I'm having my nanny work 8-6 so I can focus on my newborn daughter. Since I'm home I try to spend more just a little time with my DD by helping with lunch or naps. I get the feeling my nanny is annoyed with me. Nanny takes DD to her music classes, library and other activities. Over the last week and a half I've noticed they take forever to come home. They're always checking out new books or "class ran late." I'm constantly keeping in contact by texting and then it's like a half an hour of silence. No pics. No replies. My neighbor mentioned off handily that she thought she saw my DD at the play place at Burger King but couldn't be sure because she was in a hurry. I want to ask nanny if she's making stops and I don't like not knowing what they are doing. I just feel like I'm being avoided. Opinions? |
Anonymous
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Your gut is right. Your nanny is annoyed definitely as she should be. Is it so bad if your nanny gets 30 more minutes of free time so she doesn't have to talk to you? I say this as an MB but one who is introverted and understand that sometimes people interactions are stressful, particularly boss and employee interactions.
You could 1. Give her some space 2. Find an extrovert nanny who is ok with you being around As right as your nanny is to be annoyed, you do have right to spend this precious time with your DD. Just not every breathing minute when you nanny is working. Open up communication, ideas for things your nanny can do with DD (30 extra minutes at the park after class), be open to your nanny's way of doing the dishes or whatever and keep your mouth shut about a lot of things that you don't like that have nothing to do with your kids' safety or well being. Do this to make it work. If you come half way but she is not willing to make it work, since you do have a right so spend time with DD, get a new nanny. |
Anonymous
| I'd avoid your ass too and I'm a MB. Constant texting while they are in class? How annoying. |
Anonymous
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Be direct. Ask her. Maybe your hormones are making you crazy and you don't realize it. Maybe you feel bad about spending so much time with the new baby that you're letting your older girl get away with things after the nanny has told her no. Just ask.
15:17 seems oddly aggressive towards you. |
Anonymous
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I would assume that she's doing what most people do when they come over to care for the older sibling of a brand new born - they keep the kid occupied and out of the house, so you & the baby can sleep. So you can rest, get some "me time" while the baby naps. Her job is to keep your older one of your hair, right? Of course you still love your older daughter, but if you felt up for caring for her + the baby all day long, you wouldn't need the nanny.
So, if you want to eat lunch with your older daughter, tell the nanny that you think you'd like to have lunch with DD for the rest of your maternity leave and the nanny can use that time to pick up the play room , or just have a break. |
Anonymous
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I dread having to work during maternity leaves. You say in your post that you are focusing on your newborn daughter yet you also want to spend time with DD. this is totally understandable, but to have you in and out really wreaks havoc on your older DD. she's confused about why you are home, why you and DH are focused on something other than her, why you are home but she can't see you, and why you are in and out. as a nanny, this means I need to spend a good portion of the day calming your child who is already going through a huge transition. if I were your nanny I would absolutely want to spend as much time out of the house as possible - not necessarily because you are home, but because it is easier on my charge. it's a very frustrating situation for all involved and even more so when you are checking in on her constantly. additionally, I usually stay out of the house as much as possible during maternity leave because I want my MB to feel rested and like she doesn't have to confine herself to one or two rooms without having to deal with a screaming toddler.
you can do a few things - schedule certain times to switch off with the nanny about who watches which child, schedule time for the 4 of you to be home doing some activity together, schedule a day (or all days) to eat lunch together, etc. instead of popping in and out, having clear cut times when you will be with them and when you will not be will help all involved. |
Anonymous
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I think not responding to text for 30 minutes is absolutely fine. I hate this texting society. Sometimes I don't return a text for a whole day.
Think of it this way. She was probably focusing on your DD instead of looking at her phone or driving. |
Anonymous
| Google GPS watch for kids and get one and ask your nanny to carry it. |
Anonymous
| Fire here and hire a new one when your leave is up. There are so many great qualified nannies out there. |
Anonymous
But from your boss? During work hours? |
Anonymous
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You have the right to know where your child is at all times. Tell her that you don't mind if she goes places but that it is absolutely pertinent that she tell you where she is if she deviates from what the plan for the day is.
Also, the transition from mother back to nanny is a difficult one for some kids so you may very well be making the nanny's life harder by being around. It's frustrating when a schedule is disrupted, even if it just you wanting some quality time with your kid. As a nanny, it is easy to feel like "Well if she wants to spend time with the kid then why am I here?" so be aware of that. You're not doing anything wrong at all, just trying to explain why the nanny is possibly avoiding you. Good luck and congrats on the new baby! |
Anonymous
I agree. 90% of the nannies out there are good with kids. You need to find someone who is also great for you and makes your life easier. After all, that is why you hired a nanny. I would not tolerate my nanny lying to me about where my kids are, and I do not want to have to walk on eggshells in my own home. If she is an introvert, but you need to be in constant contact, then you two are not a good match. There are plenty of extroverted nannies out there who are happy to send pictures of their charges. Find one. |
Anonymous
| You are driving her crazy snd I hope she quits and leaves you with both kids to take care of. |
Anonymous
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Nanny is mad because now she cant take a nap, cant call her friend, cant eat, cant let your daughter watch tv while in the house because now you are at home!
They want high pay, easy job but refuse to tolerate or give and take with simple issue like this. |
Anonymous
Yeah. Now you can see what she really does with her downtime. |