How to ask for a reference letter from current employers

[Anonymous]

I have no intention of leaving my nanny job - none. But I am updating my resume and credentials and think that this would be the best time to get a recommendation letter from my current employers. My question is - how do I ask? It is especially tricky right now since we hit a few "speed bumps" lately.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Call it a reference letter. You'd like to occasionally do a few weekend gigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call it a reference letter. You'd like to occasionally do a few weekend gigs.

OP here and I let that boat sail unfortunately. They already know I have a weekend job and am happy with it.

[Anonymous]

They still can't know how you'd like to use your remaining free time.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you are in a good place and things have been running smoothly. You don't want them to see your request as a threat. If they are first time parents or first time nanny employers, just explain that this is commonly done and doesn't mean anything.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

[Anonymous]

I would see it as a sign that you are planning to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

While I generally agree, if I read a glowing letter of recommendation from an employer and then received a less that glowing recommendation when I called the same employer after the nanny told them that she would be leaving - I would tend to feel it was sour grapes on the part of the employer.

A glowing recommendation letter prior to telling the employers that you are leaving is always a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see it as a sign that you are planning to leave.

I agree bu is that a bad thing? Some employers need to gain a little perspective and appreciation for what they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

While I generally agree, if I read a glowing letter of recommendation from an employer and then received a less that glowing recommendation when I called the same employer after the nanny told them that she would be leaving - I would tend to feel it was sour grapes on the part of the employer.

A glowing recommendation letter prior to telling the employers that you are leaving is always a good idea.

That's fair, and I'd probably feel the same way. I have had nanny candidates give me reference letters from prior employers who were unavailable for contact (and once not even possible to verify that they were ever an actual employer.)

But I agree with you - a letter that is more glowing than a post employment reference isn't necessarily a deal-breaker.

In any case, I think if OP asks for a letter now she is sending the strong message that she is a short-timer in the job. Which is totally fine if she wants to make a point, but she just needs to know what message the employer will likely receive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

I am not a nanny but you sound as though you go through nannies like sand through fingers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

While I generally agree, if I read a glowing letter of recommendation from an employer and then received a less that glowing recommendation when I called the same employer after the nanny told them that she would be leaving - I would tend to feel it was sour grapes on the part of the employer.

A glowing recommendation letter prior to telling the employers that you are leaving is always a good idea.

That's fair, and I'd probably feel the same way. I have had nanny candidates give me reference letters from prior employers who were unavailable for contact (and once not even possible to verify that they were ever an actual employer.)

But I agree with you - a letter that is more glowing than a post employment reference isn't necessarily a deal-breaker.

In any case, I think if OP asks for a letter now she is sending the strong message that she is a short-timer in the job. Which is totally fine if she wants to make a point, but she just needs to know what message the employer will likely receive.

OP here and I have been at this job for nearly two years so I don;t think that is considered a "short timer", is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

While I generally agree, if I read a glowing letter of recommendation from an employer and then received a less that glowing recommendation when I called the same employer after the nanny told them that she would be leaving - I would tend to feel it was sour grapes on the part of the employer.

A glowing recommendation letter prior to telling the employers that you are leaving is always a good idea.

The problem with this is that no one in any profession would give a reference who isn't going to say positive things so the reference check is really about the nuances of the conversation. Sometimes what former employers won't say is as important as what they do say. Also how they say it is extremely important. References for the best nannies I've had called me before I had a chance to call them. I had a temporary nanny once who had a lovely letter but whose reference wouldn't return my call. As soon as she started I could see why (fortunately she was only hired for a few weeks while our long-term nanny was out on leave). Contrary to what is so often said on this board, employers do not like to say bad things - most don't want to hurt someone else's livelihood. So the conversation is important for reading btwn the lines. I wouldn't hire again based on a letter alone - it's not worth much without a conversation to back it up. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

I am not a nanny but you sound as though you go through nannies like sand through fingers!

Not PP but I don't really see where you are getting that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. I would immediately see this as an indicator that you are planning to leave - especially given the "hit a few speed bumps lately". I can't imagine a way you could frame it that would make me believe anything different.

And if you do have a second job you love why do you need the letter now?

Also, just for the record, as an MB I don't take letters of reference particularly seriously. I want to speak to your references. So anything you hand me in a letter is fine, but I pretty much dismiss it if it isn't backed up by direct interaction (phone or email) w/ the person who wrote it. So I'm really not sure it's worth you pressing for unless you are planning to start interviewing.

While I generally agree, if I read a glowing letter of recommendation from an employer and then received a less that glowing recommendation when I called the same employer after the nanny told them that she would be leaving - I would tend to feel it was sour grapes on the part of the employer.

A glowing recommendation letter prior to telling the employers that you are leaving is always a good idea.

The problem with this is that no one in any profession would give a reference who isn't going to say positive things so the reference check is really about the nuances of the conversation. Sometimes what former employers won't say is as important as what they do say. Also how they say it is extremely important. References for the best nannies I've had called me before I had a chance to call them. I had a temporary nanny once who had a lovely letter but whose reference wouldn't return my call. As soon as she started I could see why (fortunately she was only hired for a few weeks while our long-term nanny was out on leave). Contrary to what is so often said on this board, employers do not like to say bad things - most don't want to hurt someone else's livelihood. So the conversation is important for reading btwn the lines. I wouldn't hire again based on a letter alone - it's not worth much without a conversation to back it up. Sorry OP.

OP here. I understand and agree with some of your post - I would never expect to be hired based on a recommendation letter alone. However, I have been told that a written recommendation letter prior to leaving a position is good in case there are hard feelings at the leaving or if I want to look for a position before telling my current employers that I am leaving or might leave. As a PP pointed out, of course I would expect my potential employer to speak to my current employer but a glowing letter of recommendation may mitigate any nasty comments after the fact. If a nanny has been great for two years and is suddenly not so great after giving notice, isn't that a sign that it is the employer's fault and not the nanny's?