What should Nannies learn from their Employers?

[Anonymous]

My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

Dont think they aren't staying up at night agonizing over things. Ultimately, we have to do what's best for our family and in particular, our DS. This has led to some reAlly difficult decisions in the past regarding childcare (the most difficult being a move and we knew dS' nanny of 3 years would not move with us). We agonized over these decisions. But I'm sure when we talked to the nannies, it didn't seem like we did because we'd rehearsed so many times what we were going to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

Dont think they aren't staying up at night agonizing over things. Ultimately, we have to do what's best for our family and in particular, our DS. This has led to some reAlly difficult decisions in the past regarding childcare (the most difficult being a move and we knew dS' nanny of 3 years would not move with us). We agonized over these decisions. But I'm sure when we talked to the nannies, it didn't seem like we did because we'd rehearsed so many times what we were going to say.

You're good. You rehearsed so many times what you'd say to the nannies? So they wouldn't know you were in agony about moving without them? I'm glad it worked for you.

Maybe nannies should first do a few rehearsals before telling you they're moving on. But why wouldn't you want to know about THEIR agony about doing what's best for THEM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

Dont think they aren't staying up at night agonizing over things. Ultimately, we have to do what's best for our family and in particular, our DS. This has led to some reAlly difficult decisions in the past regarding childcare (the most difficult being a move and we knew dS' nanny of 3 years would not move with us). We agonized over these decisions. But I'm sure when we talked to the nannies, it didn't seem like we did because we'd rehearsed so many times what we were going to say.

You're good. You rehearsed so many times what you'd say to the nannies? So they wouldn't know you were in agony about moving without them? I'm glad it worked for you.

Maybe nannies should first do a few rehearsals before telling you they're moving on. But why wouldn't you want to know about THEIR agony about doing what's best for THEM?

Oh she knew we felt bad about it, but what I mean by rehearsing is that we knew what we were going to say so we didn't flub or have trouble discussing it. I did the same when i met with my boss to say I was leaving. And yes, nannies should rehearse when they have to bring something up. Rehearsing means that you will be able to say what you need to say. It also learns the chance that your employer will take your agony and twist it in order to manipulate you. We've had one nanny leave us because she decided to go back to school. She was very professional when she met with us. Yes, I Could tell she felt bad but she was also sure that what she was doing was best for her.

I agree with you that nannies need to do what's best for them. But like on any job, remaining professi mall is the best way to go about it

Yes yes I know. I'm an employer therefore I'm an evil bitch and blah blah blah. Thankfully we've had 2 long term nannies who we are still close to.

[Anonymous]

I've learned from my MBs that I will only get the respect as a business woman that I demand. I'm just now getting to the point where I really feel comfortable negotiating rates and contracts that actually benefit me, whereas before I always felt guilty and worked too hard to be "fair".

My last MB told me all the time that she felt like I was a steal and could definitely ask for more money at my next position. My current MB gave me a call the day before I was supposed to negotiate my contract with her husband and gave me a pep talk about valuing my services and remembering that this is a negotiation and to stick up for my needs. She really wanted to hire me, and could read that I was more likely to walk away than negotiate hard with her husband.

I am so grateful for the kick ass examples I've had in all of my MBs, who are also kind women that have looked out for me and treated me like a mentee. They've asked about my studies, my plans for the future, and told me about things they wish they'd done differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

Dont think they aren't staying up at night agonizing over things. Ultimately, we have to do what's best for our family and in particular, our DS. This has led to some reAlly difficult decisions in the past regarding childcare (the most difficult being a move and we knew dS' nanny of 3 years would not move with us). We agonized over these decisions. But I'm sure when we talked to the nannies, it didn't seem like we did because we'd rehearsed so many times what we were going to say.

You're good. You rehearsed so many times what you'd say to the nannies? So they wouldn't know you were in agony about moving without them? I'm glad it worked for you.

Maybe nannies should first do a few rehearsals before telling you they're moving on. But why wouldn't you want to know about THEIR agony about doing what's best for THEM?

Oh she knew we felt bad about it, but what I mean by rehearsing is that we knew what we were going to say so we didn't flub or have trouble discussing it. I did the same when i met with my boss to say I was leaving. And yes, nannies should rehearse when they have to bring something up. Rehearsing means that you will be able to say what you need to say. It also learns the chance that your employer will take your agony and twist it in order to manipulate you. We've had one nanny leave us because she decided to go back to school. She was very professional when she met with us. Yes, I Could tell she felt bad but she was also sure that what she was doing was best for her.

I agree with you that nannies need to do what's best for them. But like on any job, remaining professi mall is the best way to go about it

Yes yes I know. I'm an employer therefore I'm an evil bitch and blah blah blah. Thankfully we've had 2 long term nannies who we are still close to.

Why the sarcasm here? Do you have any idea how few parents make the effort to keep in touch with beloved former nannies? Today I received a thank you note from a former charge for remembering her birthday. Yes, I cried. All the birthdays I haven't remembered aren't because I've forgotten about a single charge I've taken into my heart over the years. I wonder how each and every one is doing today. Every. Single. Child. Can you understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

Dont think they aren't staying up at night agonizing over things. Ultimately, we have to do what's best for our family and in particular, our DS. This has led to some reAlly difficult decisions in the past regarding childcare (the most difficult being a move and we knew dS' nanny of 3 years would not move with us). We agonized over these decisions. But I'm sure when we talked to the nannies, it didn't seem like we did because we'd rehearsed so many times what we were going to say.

You're good. You rehearsed so many times what you'd say to the nannies? So they wouldn't know you were in agony about moving without them? I'm glad it worked for you.

Maybe nannies should first do a few rehearsals before telling you they're moving on. But why wouldn't you want to know about THEIR agony about doing what's best for THEM?

Oh she knew we felt bad about it, but what I mean by rehearsing is that we knew what we were going to say so we didn't flub or have trouble discussing it. I did the same when i met with my boss to say I was leaving. And yes, nannies should rehearse when they have to bring something up. Rehearsing means that you will be able to say what you need to say. It also learns the chance that your employer will take your agony and twist it in order to manipulate you. We've had one nanny leave us because she decided to go back to school. She was very professional when she met with us. Yes, I Could tell she felt bad but she was also sure that what she was doing was best for her.

I agree with you that nannies need to do what's best for them. But like on any job, remaining professi mall is the best way to go about it

Yes yes I know. I'm an employer therefore I'm an evil bitch and blah blah blah. Thankfully we've had 2 long term nannies who we are still close to.

Why the sarcasm here? Do you have any idea how few parents make the effort to keep in touch with beloved former nannies? Today I received a thank you note from a former charge for remembering her birthday. Yes, I cried. All the birthdays I haven't remembered aren't because I've forgotten about a single charge I've taken into my heart over the years. I wonder how each and every one is doing today. Every. Single. Child. Can you understand that?

You're clearly angry about something. You're taking it out on someone who does not deserve your anger though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've learned from my MBs that I will only get the respect as a business woman that I demand. I'm just now getting to the point where I really feel comfortable negotiating rates and contracts that actually benefit me, whereas before I always felt guilty and worked too hard to be "fair".

My last MB told me all the time that she felt like I was a steal and could definitely ask for more money at my next position. My current MB gave me a call the day before I was supposed to negotiate my contract with her husband and gave me a pep talk about valuing my services and remembering that this is a negotiation and to stick up for my needs. She really wanted to hire me, and could read that I was more likely to walk away than negotiate hard with her husband.

I am so grateful for the kick ass examples I've had in all of my MBs, who are also kind women that have looked out for me and treated me like a mentee. They've asked about my studies, my plans for the future, and told me about things they wish they'd done differently.

Why wasn't she part of this negotiation? Couldn't she argue on your behalf to her husband, or make promises to you herself?

[Anonymous]

I see my former charges very frequently, get birthday and holiday cards from my former employers, and send them Mother's Day and Christmas cards. You seem to be hellbent on perpetuating this idea that parents who employ nannies are horrible people but that hasn't been my experience at all. Even the people I lost touch with were very good to me and always made an effort to meet up with me when I visited my hometown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are really good about doing whatever is best for their own long-term goals. They aren't staying up at night wringing their hands feeling "bad" about anything. What's wrong with all the good nannies here who aren't doing the same thing?

Dont think they aren't staying up at night agonizing over things. Ultimately, we have to do what's best for our family and in particular, our DS. This has led to some reAlly difficult decisions in the past regarding childcare (the most difficult being a move and we knew dS' nanny of 3 years would not move with us). We agonized over these decisions. But I'm sure when we talked to the nannies, it didn't seem like we did because we'd rehearsed so many times what we were going to say.

You're good. You rehearsed so many times what you'd say to the nannies? So they wouldn't know you were in agony about moving without them? I'm glad it worked for you.

Maybe nannies should first do a few rehearsals before telling you they're moving on. But why wouldn't you want to know about THEIR agony about doing what's best for THEM?

Oh she knew we felt bad about it, but what I mean by rehearsing is that we knew what we were going to say so we didn't flub or have trouble discussing it. I did the same when i met with my boss to say I was leaving. And yes, nannies should rehearse when they have to bring something up. Rehearsing means that you will be able to say what you need to say. It also learns the chance that your employer will take your agony and twist it in order to manipulate you. We've had one nanny leave us because she decided to go back to school. She was very professional when she met with us. Yes, I Could tell she felt bad but she was also sure that what she was doing was best for her.

I agree with you that nannies need to do what's best for them. But like on any job, remaining professi mall is the best way to go about it

Yes yes I know. I'm an employer therefore I'm an evil bitch and blah blah blah. Thankfully we've had 2 long term nannies who we are still close to.

Why the sarcasm here? Do you have any idea how few parents make the effort to keep in touch with beloved former nannies? Today I received a thank you note from a former charge for remembering her birthday. Yes, I cried. All the birthdays I haven't remembered aren't because I've forgotten about a single charge I've taken into my heart over the years. I wonder how each and every one is doing today. Every. Single. Child. Can you understand that?

You're clearly angry about something. You're taking it out on someone who does not deserve your anger though.

I told you how uncommon it is for parents to keep in touch with former nannies.
Not sure what you're getting at. Please explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've learned from my MBs that I will only get the respect as a business woman that I demand. I'm just now getting to the point where I really feel comfortable negotiating rates and contracts that actually benefit me, whereas before I always felt guilty and worked too hard to be "fair".

My last MB told me all the time that she felt like I was a steal and could definitely ask for more money at my next position. My current MB gave me a call the day before I was supposed to negotiate my contract with her husband and gave me a pep talk about valuing my services and remembering that this is a negotiation and to stick up for my needs. She really wanted to hire me, and could read that I was more likely to walk away than negotiate hard with her husband.

I am so grateful for the kick ass examples I've had in all of my MBs, who are also kind women that have looked out for me and treated me like a mentee. They've asked about my studies, my plans for the future, and told me about things they wish they'd done differently.

Why wasn't she part of this negotiation? Couldn't she argue on your behalf to her husband, or make promises to you herself?

It isn't really for me to judge how their relationship works, but it would seem that he handles their finances, and therefore negotiated the contract with me. The talk that she had with me was not solely in the context of this negotiation.