Are any MBs secure and happy in their position with their nanny?

[Anonymous]

Do all MBs who are away from their child all day during the week need reassurance and ego-boosting from their nannies?

This is honestly the only part of the job that rubs me the wrong way. I am a good, if not great, nanny in regard to my care and teaching of my charge. I am very professional about arriving on time, never calling in sick, never asking for time off and never using my phone when I am working except to speak to my charge's parents. I have no problem whatsoever picking up after my charge, making all his food, doing all his laundry and cleaning his room and play area and actually find household chores relaxing when my charge is napping. But I LOATHE having to build up my MB's ego or treading so carefully to make sure she feels important.

She is my charge's mother for all of his life and no one will ever take her place. Chances are that my charge will age out of needing a nanny before he is five and thus will not even actively remember me. I should NOT have to build up my MB at the end of a long day or pretend that my charge missed her when he clearly didn't (he is two and a half, for God's sake - I should need to make excuses for a toddler!).

[Anonymous]

Excellent question.

[Anonymous]

Excellent question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excellent question.

+1 I hope MBs will be calm and honest in answering this question. It would be a great to understand my employer more.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, no, I don't experience this at all. I'm an MB. I'm happy that my child has many caregivers who love him.

[Anonymous]

Maybe new moms need this with infants? My oldest went to daycare when he was very small, and I remember feeling a little pang when I would pick him up, and he would cry, wanting to stay at the daycare (I think he was about 18 months old when this happened?). And I remember feeling angry when our daycare provider kissed my infant son. (I realized logically that it is good for him to be kissed and cuddled during the day, and I didn't say anything out loud...it was just a feeling).
I don't feel jealous of my nanny now, but I do appreciate reassurance from my nanny that she thinks I am doing a good job. I have poured a lot of my self into being a good mother for my children. I have mommy tracked myself at work and spend a lot of my time thinking, reading, and doing for my kids. Yet, as a mother, most of what I hear is nothing or criticism (whereas my husband gets accolades if anyone sees him take his own son to the bathroom). It's nice to have someone who is so close to the situation see my efforts and recognize out loud that I am a good mom and raising good kids.

[Anonymous]

I kinda feel like once you start down this path of reassurance, you can't stop. It's like faking orgasms. If you just stop doing it one day, the other person will definitely notice, and how do you explain that?

Maybe for your next family, just don't do this?

I'm am MB though so maybe it's not that easy as just not doing it.

I don't ask questions like "Did he miss me?" so that's not the kind of conversation we have at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

EXCELLENT QUESTION. WE NANNIES NEED TO KNOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all MBs who are away from their child all day during the week need reassurance and ego-boosting from their nannies?

This is honestly the only part of the job that rubs me the wrong way. I am a good, if not great, nanny in regard to my care and teaching of my charge. I am very professional about arriving on time, never calling in sick, never asking for time off and never using my phone when I am working except to speak to my charge's parents. I have no problem whatsoever picking up after my charge, making all his food, doing all his laundry and cleaning his room and play area and actually find household chores relaxing when my charge is napping. But I LOATHE having to build up my MB's ego or treading so carefully to make sure she feels important.

She is my charge's mother for all of his life and no one will ever take her place. Chances are that my charge will age out of needing a nanny before he is five and thus will not even actively remember me. I should NOT have to build up my MB at the end of a long day or pretend that my charge missed her when he clearly didn't (he is two and a half, for God's sake - I should need to make excuses for a toddler!).

I don't know what you are talking about. I see my MB for 5 minutes in the morning as she hands off the baby and takes the toddler to pre-school. She asks how my weekend was and tells me any schedule variances for the week.
Then I see her, or DB if she is traveling, at 5:30pm for 5 minutes to tell them how the day went. Right now we briefly talk about how the potty training went or what foods are needed for cooking/freezing toddler lunches. They say Thank you and everyone waves Good Bye, see you Tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no, I don't experience this at all. I'm an MB. I'm happy that my child has many caregivers who love him.

Yup, me too.

When my twins were infants I had a few times when I welcomed advice/input/reassurance from our nanny or other twin moms or the kids' grandmothers about something that was going on. But that was about things like at what point does a fever become serious, how to setup/manage/maintain a schedule, etc...

But I never had the insecurity or anxiety about having a nanny care for or love my kids. I'm eternally grateful to be able to afford the kind of care that lets me go to work knowing that my kids are well loved and wonderfully cared for.

We also have had two great nannies. The quality of the relationship takes both parties to support. If I had been on DCUM, and especially the nanny forums, before having my kids I would have been a nervous wreck given what is written here routinely. My real life experience has been infinitely more pleasant, supportive, and professional than much of what I read here.

[Anonymous]

To stroke your bosses ego is most definitely not a job requirement. Nor should you feel as if it is.

You are in no sense obligated to keep your boss's ego in check.

If your boss has issues with her child's bond with you, then that is HER issue, not yours.

Most parents would feel blessed to have a nanny so wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Sure I am. It would be wildly inappropriate of me to need my employee to stroke my ego. I hired someone great and am perfectly happy - we've had the same person for over three years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To stroke your bosses ego is most definitely not a job requirement. Nor should you feel as if it is.

You are in no sense obligated to keep your boss's ego in check.

If your boss has issues with her child's bond with you, then that is HER issue, not yours.

Most parents would feel blessed to have a nanny so wonderful.

maybe you're misinterpreting some ad hoc conversation. were you just talking about problem solving for the toddler or something? there are always setbacks or retrying with eating, potty training, manners, sleeping, holding a pen, etc.

or does MB have a new infant and everyone is trying to figure out the baby's new diet, sleep schedule, health needs? that is a big part of maternity leave - figuring out your child and monitoring growth - and why a number of families hire baby nurses for a few weeks to months, not nannies for the newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To stroke your bosses ego is most definitely not a job requirement. Nor should you feel as if it is.

You are in no sense obligated to keep your boss's ego in check.

If your boss has issues with her child's bond with you, then that is HER issue, not yours.

Most parents would feel blessed to have a nanny so wonderful.

I agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

As MB. I also have no idea what you are talking about. No, it is part of the job. I do not think most people should need this. What MBs do need, is an update on the day, any issues baby/kid is having, what they are eating and learning anything. That is, they do need some conversation and we need the nanny to be professional and not have any anger or ego issues herself as a nanny when talking to me.

I kind of wonder why you got the impression that you need to do this at all.

Remember if you have an MB, the MB has a job and hence a boss too. I'll bet some MBs are butt kissers at work but that is not the first nor the last of her job description. It goes the same in any job. Just be professional and don't bring personal issues.