My nanny is antisocial
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Anonymous
| Our nanny of four years recently became a live-in nanny due to her breaking up with her fiancé. I have noticed that whenever she is not working she mostly stays in her room. She doesn't seem to have friends or A social life really and I feel bad for her. I asked her if she was doing okay with the breakup and she said she's fine. She is a wonderful nanny and is always organizing play dates with other moms and nannies when she is working. We would like her to hang out with us more outside of her work hours. Is this asking too much? |
Anonymous
| Maybe she's an introvert. I am and I don't do a ton of socializing outside of work. Nannying is a physically and emotionally draining job and if her way of relaxing is to sit in her room reading or streaming netflix or painting her toenails or WHATEVER, then that is fine. It's sweet that you care about her, but it sounds to me like the basis of your worry is "Nanny's down time doesn't look like my down time, so she must be broken." That's a pretty narrow-minded view. Is she showing up for work on time and with a good attitude? Is she being a good housemate as a live-in? Does she do anything to make you suspect she is depressed/emotionally unhealthy aside from just wanting a lot of alone time? Based on what you wrote here, it sounds to me like you are just projecting. |
Anonymous
| I'm a live I nanny and I am very much an introvert. I need my alone time on the weekends. I typically sleep and watch tv on my days off. I don't have any friends in the area so I have no one to hang out with anyway. I typically go out to lunch and run errands for about 1-2 hrs each day I'm off but that's it. I love my time to relax. |
Anonymous
| Yeah. It is too much. Introverts recharge by keeping to themselves. Leave her alone. |
Anonymous
Did you reduce her pay when she moved in?? Maybe she can't AFFORD to go out much anymore, IF you reduced her pay. |
Anonymous
| It's not your place to ask her to hang with you on her off hours. Off hours are just that. Who wants to hang with their boss when they're not working? I sure don't. |
Anonymous
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I think it's nice your worried about her. I would let her be tho unless it's directly affecting her job performance.
How many hours a week does she work? She may just need the downtime on the weekend. |
Anonymous
| I'm an introvert as well and both need and like my alone time. If I lived at your house you'd be writing a similar post about me and I don't think there's anything wrong with me. Introvert recharge by being away from people (and she's around people all day so that's draining) and extroverts recharge by being around people. Sounds like you're an extrovert. Google introverts and you'll get a good feel for her basic temperament. |
Anonymous
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I am very selective about my social circle and the people I spend time with. I'm 27 and have been to a bar/club with friends exactly once in my life. It just isn't my scene. I love to grab dinner with a good friend or go see a movie, but I'm also perfectly content spending Friday night with my dog and a marathon on Netflix. Different people have different personalities.
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Anonymous
| I would leave it alone OP. Allow her privacy. Maintain some personal/professional boundaries. |
Anonymous
All you need yo be concerned with is that she is a good nanny for your chikd. She just broke up with her fiancee, how do you think she feels. It is none of your business so leave her alone. |
Anonymous
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Due to her recent break-up with her fiance, she may be feeling a bit depressed which is totally normal. She needs time to heal her heart and everyone deals with heart-ache differently. Some people like to immediately meet new people while others prefer to suffer alone. Your nanny may be the latter.
I wouldn't pressure her to socialize with your family or anyone else. I would simply let her be. She is grieving the loss of her fiance and needs to adequately heal from him so she can move on. Let her do this her way and she will be more social when she is up to it. You sound like a very caring employer to want to help your nanny which is awesome. 
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Anonymous
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I am a 24hr nanny that works over 110hrs a week. I have 2 days off on the weekend that I live at my own house.
My boss seems to get soooo upset with me when she asks me what I did on the weekend, and I say "nothing". She doesn't understand how tired I am, and all I want to do is sit on my couch and watch TV. I also have to clean my house, do laundry, catch up on errends, and get myself ready for the work week ahead. At prior jobs when I was just a regular live in, I was still working 50-60+ hours a week with young children. Having to be starting my work day early, I was too tired to go out with friends or go out. Believe it or not, being a nanny is a tiring job
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Anonymous
WTH? We're are the parents 5 days a week? There are only 120hrs in a week. You have to be a live in to do this and then spend your weekends at "your" house. |
Anonymous
| Theres a difference between a "live-in" nanny and a nanny who happens to rent your basement room. |