Is This A Personal Question...Too Personal To Ask My Employers...??

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and have worked for many families for the past seven years or so.

Sometimes when I form a good relationship with my families, esp. the MomBosses we will discuss kid-related stuff. On occasion I have asked them if they planned on having anymore kids.

I have never had an issue with asking this question...I always get some form of answer.

I have worked for my current family for two years this Sept.

Me and MB are pretty close, we are Facebook friends and we also have great chemistry.

Today her 3 yr. old son told me off and on that he wants a baby sister like his cousin. We laughed about it when I told her, then I asked her if she and her husband were planning on having any more kiddos and she told me that was a personal question and off limits. Her exact words.

Was I out of line here?

[Anonymous]

That varies person to person. In her opinion, the question was out of line and she told you so. Okay, so move on. There's no point in dwelling on who was right and who was rude. She doesn't want you to bring it up again, so don't.

[Anonymous]

Eminem Nanny, you have no social skills so why am I not surprised?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you were out of line at all, but sometimes people get sick of the question. It could be that she's having trouble conceiving or she's having miscarriages and she doesn't want to get into the whole thing. I think it was fine for you to ask in the context you described. She doesn't want to talk about it and that's fine too. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with the question and if I felt uncomfortable, I would have just said something vague, like "nothing planned at the moment, but I guess it's still a vague possibility for the future - not like I've sterilized myself yet!" and then laugh. Yeah, my sense of humor is off, I know.

But your boss's response sounds like maybe it's a touchy subject. I'd try to just keep up the friendly report you otherwise have.

[Anonymous]

Too personal and kind of rude. My DS's former nanny asked me a couple of times. We were actually trying and I was in the middle of a miscarriage when she asked so I pretty much was trying not to cry when I gave her some vague answer. You can ask during an interview what your prospective employers long term plans are, but after that, if they want to talk about it, they will without you asking.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that she didn't want to answer in front of her son because the answer is more complicated than "yes" or "no." As others have said, there may also be factors that mean she can't really answer the question.

It wasn't the kindest way to respond, but it may have made her uncomfortable. I would just drop it.

[Anonymous]

Yes you were out of line. Not everyone can snap there fingers and her pregnant. Maybe they have been trying for 2 plus years with no luck. How would she answer that. She may want it but it might not be in the cards

[Anonymous]

I think it was out of line. I don't know if I would phrase it that way or make it an uncomfortable subject but I don't think it's an appropriate question

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny asked me and I didn't like it. It is way to personal. Someone might want them but not able to. Maybe they don't for very personal reasons. There is just so much that can be very personal when you ask that questions. I only ask very very good friends.

[Anonymous]

I am reluctant to even ask friends this question, because you never know if someone is struggling with infertility, finances, a worrisome health condition, etc. In general best to not ask directly. The most I've ever said was, "is you mom still on you to try for a third?" and we laughed about how easy it was for grandma to say that from across the country. I think it's too risky to ever put someone on the spot like that.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Totally inappropriate of you to ask that.

[Anonymous]

Everyone with a kid always gets asked when they are having more. I personally find it annoying, but NBG because I'm pretty secure in the number of kids we have. However, I will never ever ask this question because it can be a loaded question to so many people. There are often fertility issues after the first or the mom wants more but the dad is done. Or there have been miscarriages. Its just best not to go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eminem Nanny, you have no social skills so why am I not surprised?

Sometimes I'm surprised she stays employed