Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

Absolutely. Coffee keeps me sane. Starbucks shouldn't be an issue. Maybe have the coffee she likes ready for her in the morning? I love, love, love the families that have done this for me in the past.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

You are being over the top. Honestly. Let the nanny do her job. You don't need a tracking device on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

You do know. He is at the activity and then Starbucks. Your nanny is clearly not trying to hide that from you, she probably just assumes she works for sane, reasonable people. Please keep this to yourself and let her keep up the misapprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

You are not being petty. Just tell her you don't mind if she makes pit stops and such to starbucks and the like but you want to know just in case something were ever to happen. You're trusting her with your child, that's huge. You also trust that she's being honest about where she is going. Every morning simply ask what she was thinking about doing during the day. If it's not helping the child's development or benefitting your child then it's not necessary, so it's nice of you to allow her to do these things, the least she can do is give you a heads up about it.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the responses. I don't know why I'm so annoyed. I wanted to see what others thought and I guess I'm being a tad sensitive. Maybe I'll try the suggestion of making coffee in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses. I don't know why I'm so annoyed. I wanted to see what others thought and I guess I'm being a tad sensitive. Maybe I'll try the suggestion of making coffee in the morning.

I'm with you. Stopping somewhere that is on the way home is okay but going out of the way without telling me? It's totally reasonable to always know where your kid is. But, in fairness to your nanny is it possible she's going to Starbucks while your kid is in class?

[Anonymous]

MB here. I think you are being too controlling. If you trust this person with your child you need to trust her.

If you start micromanaging her she will feel diminished, and likely not enjoy working for you. You do not want to lose a good, trusted, nanny because you were too uptight about controlling her movements.

Try to think about how it actually endangered your child to be in a Starbucks. Perhaps it was even just a drive-thru and they never got out of the car. Was your child in harm's way? Did your nanny violate your trust in her by stopping at Starbucks? Is your desire to know where your child is every moment of the day serving your insecurity more than the well-being of your child and job enjoyment of your nanny? If the nanny leaves for another job would you regret anything you're currently doing (or considering doing)?

Think about the big picture. If you want to retain the nanny you want her to feel some level of independence, autonomy, and confidence in the role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I think you are being too controlling. If you trust this person with your child you need to trust her.

If you start micromanaging her she will feel diminished, and likely not enjoy working for you. You do not want to lose a good, trusted, nanny because you were too uptight about controlling her movements.

Try to think about how it actually endangered your child to be in a Starbucks. Perhaps it was even just a drive-thru and they never got out of the car. Was your child in harm's way? Did your nanny violate your trust in her by stopping at Starbucks? Is your desire to know where your child is every moment of the day serving your insecurity more than the well-being of your child and job enjoyment of your nanny? If the nanny leaves for another job would you regret anything you're currently doing (or considering doing)?

Think about the big picture. If you want to retain the nanny you want her to feel some level of independence, autonomy, and confidence in the role.

+1

Offering to make her coffee is a nice gesture, but she might have something very specific she needs/likes when she gets coffee (does she need lactose free creamer? Maybe she really enjoys mochas or frappucinos that are hard to replicate at home? She might also be getting a snack there like a muffin?). I wouldn't make her coffee unless you understand that she still might choose to go to Starbucks anyway.

I was considering saying "if it really bothers you, talk to her about it and say that you don't mind if they stop there, but you'd like her to text you to let you know where they are if they stop somewhere else besides their planned destination (class, etc)." However, I can't imagine that going well. I've been a nanny for twelve years, and I'm always taking my charges out and about (parks, libraries, museums, classes, etc), and sometimes we do make a quick stop at the coffee shop. My nanny families have noticed but never said anything, and we have had excellent rapports. They trust me to take care of their kids and always look out for their best interests, even if I do make a quick stop for coffee. Come to think of it, some of them even gave me gift cards for coffee shops here and there just because, which was very sweet. If they had ever questioned it, I would feel like they were questioning me and didn't trust me, which would've really hurt my feelings and damaged our professional relationship. Many times our outings would involve multiple stops (library, then park, then perhaps a coffee shop, etc), and it would've been incredibly annoying to have to text MB constantly for each little stop.

If you want to make a big deal out of it, go ahead. But just know that you might end up looking for a new nanny sooner rather than later if you do.

[Anonymous]

You are overreacting, yes. You are not staying home with your child so you will not know where he is every minute of every day. A trip to Starbucks is hardly an afternoon spent at her boyfriend's house or three hours sitting in Urban Outfitters while she shops - it's a pit stop, a place any same person would assume was not a big deal. Agree with a PP, please keep this to yourself and let her continue assuming she works for reasonable people. You'll sound nutty if you bring this up.

[Anonymous]

If you told that I couldn't stop to pick up a coffee, I would feel annoyed and untrusted. I would begin to scrutinise every little thing you ask me to do. This will be the kiss of death to your relationship with your nanny. No joke. She will not feel happy in her job anymore.
Does your boss chastise you for going to the lounge to get a cup of coffee?

[Anonymous]

The fact that's she's not hiding it is a good sign. It also means it's not a big deal to her.
I pick up a coffee most days. Usually on the way to the playground. My favorite coffee place is not on the way, but we still sometimes make the trip.
My bosses never said anything about it. I even take my own coffee cup so they know we'll go there.

Ultimately, it's you that needs to be comfortable. Most people probably don't think it's a big deal. You need to decide if it's worth bringing up to the nanny. It wouldn't to me, I'd probably give her money when she leaves so she can get me a coffee too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

You are not being petty. Just tell her you don't mind if she makes pit stops and such to starbucks and the like but you want to know just in case something were ever to happen. You're trusting her with your child, that's huge. You also trust that she's being honest about where she is going. Every morning simply ask what she was thinking about doing during the day. If it's not helping the child's development or benefitting your child then it's not necessary, so it's nice of you to allow her to do these things, the least she can do is give you a heads up about it.

All of you who trust your children with someone else but insist on micromanaging every minute of the day should stay home and take care of your own kids. A happy nanny is a major aspect of the child's well being. Stopping by Starbucks for a coffee is hardly likely to be detrimental to the child's welfare. You, PP, and OP are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you told that I couldn't stop to pick up a coffee, I would feel annoyed and untrusted. I would begin to scrutinise every little thing you ask me to do. This will be the kiss of death to your relationship with your nanny. No joke. She will not feel happy in her job anymore.
Does your boss chastise you for going to the lounge to get a cup of coffee?

I would start looking for a new job immediately.