Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

OP, what about a Starbucks's stop scares you?

Figure that out, determine if your fear is rational, and proceed from there.

If the actual issue is not being informed of where your child is at all times, you are being petty.

[Anonymous]

This is a little over the top. I always let my MB and DB know when we get to our destination and home via app, but I may make a put stop to pick up lunch or get something they need. MB was the one who bought me a gift card from Starbucks. She said it was for me to use it if I ever wanted to stop on a walk or after an activity to get a beverage. I thought if was sweet and I know they trust me. They are really wonderful people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I think you are being too controlling. If you trust this person with your child you need to trust her.

If you start micromanaging her she will feel diminished, and likely not enjoy working for you. You do not want to lose a good, trusted, nanny because you were too uptight about controlling her movements.

Try to think about how it actually endangered your child to be in a Starbucks. Perhaps it was even just a drive-thru and they never got out of the car. Was your child in harm's way? Did your nanny violate your trust in her by stopping at Starbucks? Is your desire to know where your child is every moment of the day serving your insecurity more than the well-being of your child and job enjoyment of your nanny? If the nanny leaves for another job would you regret anything you're currently doing (or considering doing)?

Think about the big picture. If you want to retain the nanny you want her to feel some level of independence, autonomy, and confidence in the role.

100% agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

Feel sorry for your nanny. Op seems crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

If it bothers you stay home and take care of your kids.

[Anonymous]

I've never thought twice about getting coffee or going to the bank

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're being petty. There are Starbucks locations all over. I doubt she has to go out of her way to grab a coffee. It's not like she's stopping to do her grocery shopping. If my boss said something to me about not stopping for coffee I'd worry what other minor things she'll find to nitpick.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed as a nanny if you denied me the small 3x a week pleasure of getting a coffee. it's ten minutes every other day, in and out, and let me tell you that caffeine fix/mini treat is going to help me a lot with my day.

I'd be annoyed and feel belittled and untrusted if you brought it up to me and if you asked me to text you when I leave class, text you when I get to starbucks, and text you again when we get home I would absolutely quit. to me, that's just really debasing and treating me like a 13 year old friday night sitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny takes my DS out for classes and other fun activities at least 3-4 times a week. I've been noticing she's been coming home with Starbucks alot. I found myself today because she's never asked if she could stop anywhere else besides the planned location. I feel like I should know where my kid is 100% of the time. Am I being petty?

I am not going to bother reading the other responses to your question as the answer is so obvious - yes, you are being stunningly petty. I doubt your nanny mentions every time she uses the bathroom either. Please stop this nonsense thinking or you will lose your nanny.

[Anonymous]

The most you can do is say I notice you go to Starbucks every day (or whatever). Is there a special coffee I can have on hand for you? I know coffee can get expensive.

That's it.

[Anonymous]

Do it and see what happens OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are.

There is probably a Starbucks close by that she stops off at to grab herself a coffee. I see absolutely nothing wrong with doing that.

So..From now on, would you like her to text/call you every time she is in line at Starbucks? Considering she has a kid in tow, that would be annoying.

[Anonymous]

Why cant nannies just take the kid home after the class? Why they need to stop over here and there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why cant nannies just take the kid home after the class? Why they need to stop over here and there?

Because unlike most other jobs, nannies don't get a single break during their 10 hour days and will sometimes need to grab lunch or get a coffee. The easiest time to do this is when they're already out, thus not dragging the child on an extra trip. Obviously?

[Anonymous]

OP, yes, I think if she is only stopping for Starbucks on the way home, you are being petty and micromanaging if that annoys you.

That said, I do understand the larger worry that if she is stopping for Starbucks, where else is she stopping? Is she doing all her errands on the clock, going shopping for herself before or after activities? Is she even going to the planned activities?

She is very likely only stopping at Starbucks, but if you have doubts, talk to her and let her know you don't mind if she stops for coffee or to pick up lunch, but if she plans on being at another location for a half hour or more, you'd appreciate a text so you know where they are.

If you phrase it kindly and without judgment, a good nanny would not have a problem with it. GL.