MB giving me trouble about taking time off to get married
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Anonymous
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My boyfriend proposed to me a couple of months ago.
We have decided to get married in New York (where he grew up) in November. My MB is taking 6 months off for maternity leave. She had her baby in the beginning of July. I told MB that we set a date and asked to use 5 days of paid vacation. She said that she just doesn't know if that would be a good time for her "because the baby will still be so small and I will need a lot of help." She told me that she would see if she can arrange help. I have 2 year old charge in addition to the new baby. That's it. The baby will be over 4 months old at that point. The reason we have chosen this date is because my fiancé's brother will be home (from Europe-where he works) the week we would like to get married. It also would allow my sister to attend before she moves to the West coast. I also wanted to do this before MB goes back to work so it wouldn't be too much of a hardship for them. I'm really upset that she is giving me so much trouble about taking time off for my wedding. I'm giving her 4 months notice. Now my entire family has to hold off making travel arrangements so my boss can figure out if she can find help taking care of her own children...while she will be home. I don't take excessive amounts of time off. I'm annoyed. |
Anonymous
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I would go ahead and plan your wedding. She needs to figure out to get help. She has plenty of time.
For a wedding, I would have stated that I'm taking time off to get married. Not ask for permission. This is a wedding that requires a lot of planning. Letting you hanging like that seems unfair. But my bosses are great and this would never be an issue. |
Anonymous
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OP here. My bosses are actually amazing! I'm really surprised by this! The only thing I can think of is that she isn't thinking clearly due to the new baby.
We aren't having a huge affair. It's really just a pain because nobody can make travel/hotel arrangements until she gives me an answer. |
Anonymous
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First pp here.
Maybe bring it up with DB? Maybe he can think more clearly and figure a plan out with you. |
Anonymous
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Wow. You are being totally reasonable about all of this OP, I mean you have given your boss a lot of notice to prepare ahead plus you even scheduled your wedding not to coincide with her going back to work!! I would say you have been very accommodating in regards to them, and if you were my nanny, I would totally appreciate the kind thoughts.
Obviously your boss doesn't. I don't see how she will be put out by having to care for two children on her own while the beloved nanny gets married. Women who whine that they cannot do it, that they need help when they don't have to go to work make me sick. So entitled. I would go ahead, plan my wedding and too bad for your boss. She should feel terrible that she is adding to your stress over this. She should be the one bending over backwards so that you can plan your wedding, without any complications. By the way, congrats to both you and your future groom!!!~ |
Anonymous
| Ask her if she'd prefer you get married after she returns to work and has burned up all her vacation. I'm guessing not. In any case just schedule it. I'm sure she's foggy headed and too exhausted to think clearly right now. |
Anonymous
| First, congratulations. Second, plan you wedding and tell your employer the dates that you will be taking off. Done. End of discussion. THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. |
Anonymous
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She's obviously feeling upset that her nanny is getting married at all. She probably sees it as some sort of betrayal, because it's surely a short step (in her mind) from getting married to quitting your nanny job, whether it is because you're going to have your own kids, or just because you can financially, or whatever. Perhaps she might even subconsciously worry that once your boyfriend becomes your husband, even before you decide to have kids, your bond with her family might suffer just because you'll be thinking of your own brand new family.
I hope your MB realizes she's being insecure and petty, but I personally would see this as a possible red flag and tread lightly with her in the future. |
Anonymous
Op should only do this if she okay being fired |
Anonymous
OP has paid vacation and I assume that five days of that paid vacation is at her choice. She has chosen these five days. Her MB will have to live with that choice. |
Anonymous
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MB here.
This is your wedding. You should have TOLD her the days you would be out, instead of asking. You made it seem like she had a choice, which she doesn't. She is off work and can watch her own 2 kids for a week. Stop feeling guilty. |
Anonymous
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MB here and I agree with the others. This is your wedding. Let your boss know that you've set the date, and you'll be out for XYZ dates.
Let her deal. A 4 month old + a 2yo isn't that hard. If she truly can't manage, she'll figure something out. Plenty of people in NYC are willing to take up temp work and would be happy to help your boss out for a week with the kids. |
Anonymous
| Stand your ground. You TELL this selfish witch that you are getting married and will be taking off ALL the time you have already told her. After youreturn. Start looking for a new job with someone who is reasonable. If she is treating you like this, she isn't nice. |
Anonymous
| I agree that you need to move forward with your plans and tell her so. If she balks, loom for a new job. Anyone who would fire a nanny over this doesn't deserve a decent nanny. |
Anonymous
In the real world vacation time is either approved or denied. If op is denied she needs to be okay with loosing her job. Not all nannies get to just up and choose 5 days. Just like the rest of the world we put in 3-6 months in advance and 50% if the time it's denied. |