Nanny struggling with two charges
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Anonymous
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Our nanny was good with the one kid and wanted to stay on board when the second kid arrived.
But she seems to be struggling. Not able to cook the toddler lunches or dinner. Not wanting to go out and deal with two kids, car seats or any strollers, etc. No time to clean up after the toddler either (who naps 2-3 hours an afternoon and the baby still has 2-3 naps/day). Today she told us that we should cook and provide all ready-made lunches and dinners for both the baby (purees) and the toddler (variety of things). She literally stood in the kitchen, which is stocked with all sorts of food (pasta, veg, fruit, cheese, quinoa, etc.) and said, "what did we make for XYZ to eat this week?". She was hoping for the easy Gerber meal packages, but those are too small and not enough calories for our 3 yo. She is an experienced nanny who has cared for twins, 3-6 yos before and more than one child. I'm concerned she is just no longer energetic enough or able to plan. Her pay is more than fine, but the whole purpose of paying a nanny $50K+ a year is so I'm not doing the shuttling to preschool, preparing meals each night, etc. I also pay for various classes for the kids so they all get out of the house and have some fun. Are some nannies just not cut out for more than 1 kid? Maybe daycare is a better option if I'm already doing all the lunches, dinners, dressing, prep, driving, etc. |
Anonymous
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How old is the baby? There's going to be an adjustment period. You said that you have signed them up for classes, and she has to make the toddler food, and make the baby homemade food for lunch and dinner. Some days the children aren't going to sleep in sync/ on schedule.
I am an experienced nanny. I have two charges. When the youngest was a baby MB pureed her food, and I was still running around super busy. |
Anonymous
| I think you just need a different nanny. |
Anonymous
| Some nannies can't handle 2 small children - our first nanny was fantastic with DC1 but only lasted 3 weeks after my maternity leave ended with DC2 before she quit. She had experience with caring for more than one child over 5 and with babies, but had never cared for a toddler and an infant and it was too much for her. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like she can't handle it, unfortunately.
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Anonymous
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If the baby is very new, I would err on the side that she needs to work out the kinks and adjust to the different structure. Even if she had similar charges before, no two kids are the same so there's bound to be some difficulties before she figures out what works. Maybe give it another few weeks and reassess.
If that's been going on for a few months now and there's no improvement whatsoever I would sit down with her and have an honest conversation with her about her duties and willingness to stay on with your family. My NF just welcomed a second baby three months ago and the older just turned two. It's certainly been a huge adjustment. The first time I was left alone with the both of them I felt like I haven't had time to sit down from when the mom left at 8 and came back at 3. I was completely exhausted the first two weeks and would just collapse on the bed as soon as I got home. But in two or three weeks we had a bit of a schedule set up and while my job is certainly much more demanding now than it was before the baby was born, I am able to do most things I am asked to do on most days. Sure some days the older won't nap or the baby spends ages feeding and ruins the plan to take them outside or I have to stay three minutes late after the mom comes home to clean up a mess we had made earlier and I'd had no time to deal with, but that's maybe one out of five days. That said, my MB was very supportive at the beginning and cut me all sorts of slack. It was a huge change for her as well, two instead of one, so I think she was very understanding. I don't know how old your baby is, but I honestly can't imagine that it's easy to be with a very new baby and a 3yo on time somewhere. I take mine to the park on most days, but only because we can take a while getting there and we're not on a schedule. Getting them to a class would be much more difficult. Basically either your nanny needs more time to adjust and more support, or she's just not willing to do this job anymore. |
Anonymous
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I'm curious how old the baby is, AND how old your nanny is. Your comment that she is "no longer energetic enough" makes me think she is an older nanny. If that is the case, and she is over 50, then yes, even though she may have cared for 2-3 small children when she was younger, she just may not be up to it at this point.
But I do agree with PPs that if your baby is very young, and nanny hasn't been juggling them both solo very long (assuming you took care of the baby during maternity leave), then yes, I'd give her another month to figure things out. It bugs me that you're saying in the same post "maybe our nanny isn't up to it...maybe daycare is a better option..." I'm not sure why you would make the jump from the former to the latter. If you're paying 50k+ per year then you can definitely afford a GOOD nanny, one who can keep up with both kids AND prepare all meals, etc. Even if your older nanny isn't up to it, there are MANY experienced nannies in their late 20s, 30s, and perhaps even early 40s who ARE up to it. With a young baby especially it is far better to have a nanny than be in daycare, if you can afford it. |
Anonymous
| How long is it since she is taking care of 2? Agree with prior posters she needs a couple of weeks to figure out schedule. Its concerning she has seemed to given up already. It is a red flag and its on her to prove things will improve or you are better off to find a replacement. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you guys need to have a sit down meeting to discuss these issues. Find out her thoughts. Maybe she is tired of the job. A meeting seems to be a good first step |
Anonymous
| Some people aren't cut out for more than 1 child. I happen to hate working with singletons and with young infants, but a family with 4+ kids where all are at least 6 months is a blast. Other nannies won't work with more than 2. It all depends on your nanny. |
Anonymous
| How much did you increase her hourly pay with the new baby? That might be your problem, OP. |
Anonymous
17:07 here. That hadn't occurred to me but it is an important point. If you didn't give her at least a $2 raise in the past year ($1/hr minimum for cost of living and $1/hr minimum for the additional child) then that would make any nanny frustrated enough to slack off / not care as much about her work. |
Anonymous
Oh, the one-track DCUM nanny mind. Stops doing basic nanny things when part of her day has to change. Yet that is the nature of child-caring, every few months are different. OP is clearly paying $20+/hour for two kids, one of whom sounds like is in school part of the day. Guess the lesson PP is stating is that you ladder any raises and see if nanny can perform. Maybe give a 3% raise upon birth and see how nanny does with two kids, then do the other 3% bit for yearend if she is doing well. If she has an attitude problem or literally cannot do quality work, at least you know the truth! Structure it as a bonus: great job with the two kids, here you go. |
Anonymous
In other words, get another nanny that doesn't slack off and accepts market rate for two kids. Better yet, give her the job spec and pay rate for the 2 kid job, offer it to her first, if she declines go interview other nannies who are up to the task. |
Anonymous
Can you read? She is paying over 50K. With that salary the OP would have qualified nannies lined up out the door. |