Nanny struggling with two charges

[Anonymous]

This is my theory: the nannies who really rock at juggling several kids usually don't want to work with only one kid, so if you have only one and want continuity with your nanny, do a share or space them so that the nanny doesn't have to deal with a baby until older kid is in preschool all day.

I nanny for newly-3yo twins and an infant and I handle their laundry, keep their toys picked up, go on outings, do art and science projects, and make all their food from scratch. I would NEVER accept a job with only one kid, no matter the pay. I would be bored out of my mind.

[Anonymous]

Twins are much easier than 2 families.
I've done lots of both.

[Anonymous]

If this has been less than a three month situation with the new baby then I would say talk to your nanny and give it more time.


BTW I am a 60 year old nanny who went from one to two last year. It was an adjustment, of course, but once you get into a rhythm it is fine. Don't ever judge the "old girls" based on chronological age alone - I have always had more energy than my employer who is 30 years younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my theory: the nannies who really rock at juggling several kids usually don't want to work with only one kid, so if you have only one and want continuity with your nanny, do a share or space them so that the nanny doesn't have to deal with a baby until older kid is in preschool all day.

I nanny for newly-3yo twins and an infant and I handle their laundry, keep their toys picked up, go on outings, do art and science projects, and make all their food from scratch. I would NEVER accept a job with only one kid, no matter the pay. I would be bored out of my mind.

Same here! I won't work with singletons, and especially singletons under 6 months, because I get bored out of my mind, and my care of the child suffers. At least I know my limitations.

[Anonymous]

Good nannies should have a plan and rough schedule for how to care for two charges of different ages. If your nanny is asking you to plan everything and do everything then you are missing a large portion of service that good nannies can and do provide. Doing the bare minimum or pushing off basic responsibilities to others (your boss!) is not a good employee in any type of job.

[Anonymous]

No comment on scheduling for two charges of varying age, but wanted to say that the food issue should really not be a stumbling block. The 3-year old should be able to eat what the rest of the family eats, so no separate cooking for her/him, just scaling up in volume what you cook for the rest of the family. Baby purees took me literally one weekend to stock up for a month (boil/roast, puree and freeze a bunch of stuff). Of all the baby chores, purees are the easiest thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some nannies can't handle 2 small children - our first nanny was fantastic with DC1 but only lasted 3 weeks after my maternity leave ended with DC2 before she quit. She had experience with caring for more than one child over 5 and with babies, but had never cared for a toddler and an infant and it was too much for her.

Same here. I wish she had been more honest and up front about her abilities while I was on leave so I could have handled the interview process then, not my first month back in the office.

My advice to all families is have the talk with your nanny asap and routinely during your pregnancy about how life will be with two kids. This is much more than just agreeing on a rate. Lay out everything again - start time, end time, likely nap times, likely meal times, likely class schedules/driving needs, and continued things like vacuum up the food/play room, keep kids' tub and bathroom in order, bottles washed, and kid laundry 2-4x a month. With a second child there will be no more hour+ downtime when one child naps. That doesn't mean gosh, so much more work, that just means you can't take a paid nap while the kid naps so much anymore!

No rate in the world will offset someone who is not qualified, organized, ready or thoughtful about how to manage a new baby and older child. Maybe call around and see what nannies are available as well, just so you have some ideas of who is out there and how they structure their day to manager two kids. Millions of parent(s) and nannies can do it, so can you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some nannies can't handle 2 small children - our first nanny was fantastic with DC1 but only lasted 3 weeks after my maternity leave ended with DC2 before she quit. She had experience with caring for more than one child over 5 and with babies, but had never cared for a toddler and an infant and it was too much for her.

Same here. I wish she had been more honest and up front about her abilities while I was on leave so I could have handled the interview process then, not my first month back in the office.

My advice to all families is have the talk with your nanny asap and routinely during your pregnancy about how life will be with two kids. This is much more than just agreeing on a rate. Lay out everything again - start time, end time, likely nap times, likely meal times, likely class schedules/driving needs, and continued things like vacuum up the food/play room, keep kids' tub and bathroom in order, bottles washed, and kid laundry 2-4x a month. With a second child there will be no more hour+ downtime when one child naps. That doesn't mean gosh, so much more work, that just means you can't take a paid nap while the kid naps so much anymore!

No rate in the world will offset someone who is not qualified, organized, ready or thoughtful about how to manage a new baby and older child. Maybe call around and see what nannies are available as well, just so you have some ideas of who is out there and how they structure their day to manager two kids. Millions of parent(s) and nannies can do it, so can you!

Laundry more than doubles when adding an infant, and if nanny only does laundry 2-4 times a month, either you are doing most of it, you have the cleanest kids on the face of the earth, or your nanny does laundry all day long on those days. There are now two kids to plan for, play with, care for and find activities for, so yes, it's double the work, only you can't actually do double the work because it's impossible to run after a toddler/preschooler and hold a baby without hurting the baby. One set of eyes=one child supervised, though that can be ok during the first few months, as long as you're ok with nanny wearing the baby at all times.

[Anonymous]

Oh for the love. Yes, it's hard to care for 2 children but many do it. Parents do it, SAHM do it, SAHD do it, many nannies do it, find someone who can and will.
I'd just tell her that you are giving her a months notice because it's obvious she isn't able to do this and you need someone who can.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you really like this nanny + want things to work out for everyone, perhaps you could help her out a little here. Even though you state both children nap during her shift, perhaps they do not necessarily nap at the same time each day.

So in order to keep her on, I would do what I could to make her job a bit easier for now. When the children get older, things will be much simpler for her.

However, if you honestly think there could be another nanny out there who you can hire for the same pay, then you should let this one go and search for a replacement. I wouldn't even consider putting the children into a daycare considering you have enough funds to pay someone to come to your home and provide individual attention for your kids.

I believe there are SOME nannies out there who simply are not equipped to deal w/more than one child, but there are also many who are.

If your current nanny is not one of them, then it only makes perfect sense to issue her her walking papers stat.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny was good with the one kid and wanted to stay on board when the second kid arrived.
But she seems to be struggling. Not able to cook the toddler lunches or dinner. Not wanting to go out and deal with two kids, car seats or any strollers, etc. No time to clean up after the toddler either (who naps 2-3 hours an afternoon and the baby still has 2-3 naps/day).

Today she told us that we should cook and provide all ready-made lunches and dinners for both the baby (purees) and the toddler (variety of things). She literally stood in the kitchen, which is stocked with all sorts of food (pasta, veg, fruit, cheese, quinoa, etc.) and said, "what did we make for XYZ to eat this week?". She was hoping for the easy Gerber meal packages, but those are too small and not enough calories for our 3 yo.

She is an experienced nanny who has cared for twins, 3-6 yos before and more than one child. I'm concerned she is just no longer energetic enough or able to plan. Her pay is more than fine, but the whole purpose of paying a nanny $50K+ a year is so I'm not doing the shuttling to preschool, preparing meals each night, etc. I also pay for various classes for the kids so they all get out of the house and have some fun.

Are some nannies just not cut out for more than 1 kid? Maybe daycare is a better option if I'm already doing all the lunches, dinners, dressing, prep, driving, etc.

Transitioning from staying at home with a parent or nanny to going to daycare is worst between 1.5 and 3. So either put the kids in daycare by just over 1, over wait til 3. No, it's not reasonable for you to prep all food for the week, but it could be reasonable for you to prep the things that take more time/attention.

[Anonymous]

Also what does your house look like when she arrives? Is she playing catch up and cleaning?