Still trying to potty train that (now) three year old girl....

[Anonymous]

I made this post two and a half months ago:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/307548.page#3119871

I followed all the advice I received. We continued with the break, as planned until after she turned 3 (it was a 10 week break, which ended April 5th), and during that time we made little mention of the potty and tried to take the pressure off as much as possible.

Since we've gone back to potty training, I followed the advice given (don't ask if she needs to go, just tell her it's time to go, make her go before eating, before outings, etc, and have her clean up after all accidents, remove diapers and pull ups completely from the house, make sure parents and grandparents are on the same page, etc). She has had good days and bad days, and ups and downs, but ultimately, in the first 3-4 weeks we saw definite progress, and now, the last two weeks have been a huge backslide.

The first 4 weeks she was actually telling us when she needed to go, and had relatively few accidents. And when she did have an accident she helped clean up everything, and I stressed how much faster it was to go potty than clean up an accident (get back to playing faster). Most of her accidents were poop related, not pee during that time.

The past two weeks she has not been telling me when she needs to go. I had developed a bit of trust in her because, for the previous 4 weeks, she had been so good about going pee when she needed to, and she often would go 2-2.5 hours between using the potty without accidents. But the past two weeks she hasn't said she needed to go, when I gave gentle reminders (after 2-2.5 hours) she got very upset and insisted she didn't need to go. When I matter of factly say now it's time to go (because we're going to the park, etc), she fights me tooth and nail and screams and cries. She has had multiple pee accidents every day for the past two weeks, and several of the days she has had more accidents than she has had successful pees in the potty.

I've heard that her parents and grandparents have had some successes but mostly very similar struggles.

Is there any advice left to give??

[Anonymous]

I put kids on the potty ever 30 minutes. I use a timer

[Anonymous]

absolutely agree with the timer. I never potty train without a timer. honestly kids can just get so caught up in what they're doing and it's such a new thing to them that they just get lazy or distracted or plain old forget. using a timer doesn't mean she needs to sit for ten minutes, just a quick sit! song! or book! or whatever for 1-2 minutes and if she doesn't go then she moves on

[Anonymous]

OP here. That (timer for every 30 minutes) was a tactic we previously tried which didn't work at all. I'm guessing you didn't read the first thread which I linked to because I said I tried doing that and I got responses from posters who said that was too frequent and advised against it :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. That (timer for every 30 minutes) was a tactic we previously tried which didn't work at all. I'm guessing you didn't read the first thread which I linked to because I said I tried doing that and I got responses from posters who said that was too frequent and advised against it :/

It works great for me. That's why I mentioned it. Zero accidents from day 1. Yes sometimes I go 40 min to a hr but I start with 30

[Anonymous]

You will never win a power struggle over someone else's bladder. How committed are the parents?

[Anonymous]

Bribe, bribe, bribe her to sit on the potty. Think of something that she loves (some use M&Ms - others a tiny trinket like a ribbon) and tell her she can have one of she sits on the potty for three minutes.

You cannot make her pee. Also make the clean up from an accident take three times longer than if she's used the potty - add in taking a shower, putting her wet clothes in the washing machine - not with any kind of a punitive tone but more of a "well, this is what happens when anyone has an accident..." After a few times she will get it that running to the potty gets her back to her activity quicker.

Good luck. And as you know - this is the danger of waiting until a kid is three.

[Anonymous]

21:03 I'm guessing you didn't read the first thread either because I said there we'd been using yogurt raisins and jelly beans as potty treats and offered bigger toy potty prizes also (and they are still available and she asks for them after using the potty most of the time). I also said there that we started potty training right when she turned two. Also what you've described for clean up is exactly what we've been doing the past six weeks, trip to the basement laundry room, shower and all. Every. Single. Time. Thanks anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, we can only give you general advice because we don't know WHY she suddenly changed her attitude. Have you asked her WHY she doesn't want to go potty? Either it is a power thing (in which case you have to back off to the extent of having consequences for accidents after reminders but also offering the option of a diaper) or she is afraid (in which case you might need to do more talking/educating about the potty and her body) or it's something else entirely. But we can't give you advice you haven't had already because you were literally rold of every theiry I've ever heard of in the previous thread.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like such a big deal has been made of this whole thing - of course the kid is stressed out by it. That two month break didn't change your approach, which was coming at it from every angle. It sounds like you & the parents have tried to take every piece of advice out there, out of desperation, but that's a lot of approaches to roll into one and impose on the kid. To me, it sounds like too much talking and engaging on the matter, though given the power struggles and the history it would be hard to suddenly pretend it's not that big a deal after all.

I'd talk to the pediatrician and get her advice. We found ourselves in a similarly epic power struggle over food, and our ped's advice really helped, mostly just helped us relax and back down. The kid's behavior shaped up soon after. I think it's your approach & your anxiety level over this, not the kid's maturity or ability, that needs a reset.

[Anonymous]

OP I did read the thread, thank you very much (2nd pp here). I suggested doing the timer again because you are doing this for a second time, so you need to start back at square one. after taking all this time off, you need to start potty training at day 1. with a timer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:03 I'm guessing you didn't read the first thread either because I said there we'd been using yogurt raisins and jelly beans as potty treats and offered bigger toy potty prizes also (and they are still available and she asks for them after using the potty most of the time). I also said there that we started potty training right when she turned two. Also what you've described for clean up is exactly what we've been doing the past six weeks, trip to the basement laundry room, shower and all. Every. Single. Time. Thanks anyway.

No of course I didn't read your entire previous thread - I have a life.

Have you tried, "Can you go?" instead of "Do you need to go?". I have, in the past made a game out of hearing the tinkling sound coming from the potty and did a big silly dance that made my female charge laugh (with boys you can float the cheerio and tell them to hit it with their stream - works great!). I have also done, "I bet you can't pee..." and then same silly dance after.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has to be on board with this approach (you, parents, grandparents) but simply remove all diapers and pull-ups from the house. She has the choice of peeing on the floor (if home - keep her commando), peeing in her pants (long clean up) or using the potty. Even at night during initial day training use NO pull-ups.

This is the only way. You cannot control her bodily functions. But you can control buying/using diapers. Every child (and adult) will choose the easy way and diapers are easy. Remove the option.

[Anonymous]

I second the commando issue. The other thing that I've done is make sure the child knows that since I know that they are a big kid and CAN use a potty, we aren't leaving the house unless I know they will use the potty. We've done a reward chart, so when the child can stay dry for a week and not have a poopy accident for 3 days (consecutive, any accidents and we start over), we can go back to normal activities. The next time we have an accident out of the house (caught in traffic and can't get to a bathroom is why we have a potty chair in the car!) we start the chart again. This puts the child in control and takes you out of position as the tyrant; there's no power struggle because the child is putting up marks/stickers and taking them off when there's an accident. Make sure that you are happy and encouraging when it's going well and sad, but not angry, when she has an accident. I'm not sure what else to tell you, it's her body, she has to be the one in control, nobody else can MAKE her pee in a certain place, the only thing you can do is give her reasons to WANT to do it in the potty.

[Anonymous]

OP you're a bit snarky for somebody that came to a forum looking for advice. we're giving you advice, just like you asked