"I know"

[Anonymous]

I am getting a lot of "I know" responses from our nanny lately. She is a wonderful nanny and has been with us for 18 months. I generally just tell her things as a reminder or just to double check on what she might be doing. Only lately have I been getting the "I know" responses. She also feels the need to lately to tell me "yes, he does that with me" every time I point out something cute or advanced DS did over the weekend when she never used to.

What gives? If I am doing something wrong to elicit these responses, I really do want to know.

TIA

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs a vacation. That's how I act with DH when I'm tired and irritable -- just no energy to relate to another person.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you should sit down and talk with her. "I feel like lately we're not quite on the same page. You seem annoyed when I tell you things or if I remind you about something. I also feel like you don't want to hear about things DS might do over the weekend or something. How are you feeling about the job? Do you feel like I'm nagging you? Would you like me to refrain from telling you weekend stories, etc...?"

Ask leading questions, listen hard, and see what you can learn.

[Anonymous]

Stop telling her about what happens on weekends. She doesn't care clearly. She's off duty then.

[Anonymous]

Oy. That is no good. Are you being condescending? Ask DH to listen in on one of the exchanges, maybe he can tell you if you're provoking the nanny or if she's just being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am getting a lot of "I know" responses from our nanny lately. She is a wonderful nanny and has been with us for 18 months. I generally just tell her things as a reminder or just to double check on what she might be doing. Only lately have I been getting the "I know" responses. She also feels the need to lately to tell me "yes, he does that with me" every time I point out something cute or advanced DS did over the weekend when she never used to.

What gives? If I am doing something wrong to elicit these responses, I really do want to know.

TIA

Stop micromanaging. Also, she does know what the kid does because she is with him all day. Treat her like an adult and make intelligent conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should sit down and talk with her. "I feel like lately we're not quite on the same page. You seem annoyed when I tell you things or if I remind you about something. I also feel like you don't want to hear about things DS might do over the weekend or something. How are you feeling about the job? Do you feel like I'm nagging you? Would you like me to refrain from telling you weekend stories, etc...?"

Ask leading questions, listen hard, and see what you can learn.

Stupid advice because she will not feel that she can give honest answers. Why should she want to hear about what kid did on weekend unless it is something miraculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oy. That is no good. Are you being condescending? Ask DH to listen in on one of the exchanges, maybe he can tell you if you're provoking the nanny or if she's just being rude.

Also, do other people in your life often mistake your tone? I know that my personality gives the impression that I'm annoyed more frequently than I actually am, so I actively have to stifle certain expressions & mannerisms that come naturally to me. If you had something similar, but it was condensation rather than annoyance, I'm sure you'd know by now and having some coping mechanisms.

If you don't have that issue, then perhaps the problem is on your nanny's side, rather than yours. Ask her what's up - she seems bothered. Is there something you could do to help her feel refreshed with the job after a year & a half?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're making a huge deal out of nothing, to be quite honest.

[Anonymous]

I think you're making a way bigger deal of this than it has to be. Do you know how annoying it is to have someone constantly "reminding" you of things you already know when you've already been doing it for the past 18 months? Perhaps she thinks if she tells you that she knows that you will stop reminding her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop telling her about what happens on weekends. She doesn't care clearly. She's off duty then.

I agree with this PP, just start looking for a new nanny and replace her, she is clearly not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should sit down and talk with her. "I feel like lately we're not quite on the same page. You seem annoyed when I tell you things or if I remind you about something. I also feel like you don't want to hear about things DS might do over the weekend or something. How are you feeling about the job? Do you feel like I'm nagging you? Would you like me to refrain from telling you weekend stories, etc...?"

Ask leading questions, listen hard, and see what you can learn.

Stupid advice because she will not feel that she can give honest answers. Why should she want to hear about what kid did on weekend unless it is something miraculous.

Charming. It's "stupid advice" to suggest actually talking with the nanny?

90% of the stuff routinely groused about in this forum could be solved with better communication.

[Anonymous]

Honest question, no snark intended: what would you prefer her response be instead of "I know."?

Same question to the second scenario. What are your expectations? What do you want her to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question, no snark intended: what would you prefer her response be instead of "I know."?

Same question to the second scenario. What are your expectations? What do you want her to say?

I would expect her to act interested in sharing information/stories about the thing the two of them have in common: her charge. That's not micromanaging; it's relating to another person who presumably shares your interest in something. A comment or two about what the child did over the weekend should be met with, at the very least, polite interest from someone who presumably cares about that child.

[Anonymous]

I think this could go either way. Maybe you are hovering too much and "reminding" to the point that she feels like you believe she's incompetent. The first scenario could be her getting annoyed with being micromanaged and the second could be an extension of that. Maybe she feels that you are telling her aboutthe weekend as a way of "teaching" her about your kid, and she resents the implication that her 5 days a week with him/her aren't sufficient.

That said, it is also possible that you do NOT hover and your nanny is being a jerk for no reason. Maybe you only remind her of things that she could easily/has in the past forgotten, but she thinks you should never instruct her in any way because she knows best. Maybe you only share brief anecdotes from the weekend in an attempt to bondand she is shutting them down because she feels you are wasting her time.

Regardless of whete this started, she is currently being rude and that is a bad sign. No healthy relationship can survive contempt, which is what she is displaying. I agree that you need to:
A) figure out what you want
B) talk to her about what she wants
C) try to find some middle ground