Terminating a so-so nanny

[Anonymous]

We've had our nanny, "Sue", for close to a year. Ever since she started it has been a so-so fit. For a long while I figured she was just getting up to speed with our family or getting comfortable in the role, but she continues to be perpetually clueless about little stuff (and sometimes big stuff). She's nice, she works hard to be responsible, she's definitely reliable. However, she just can't really do the job the way we'd like it to be done. It's not a matter of training - it's more a matter of good judgment and common sense just not quite being where they need to be.

There is not one big incident that we could cite as a reason to let her go; more like a series of little stuff that cumulatively leads us to recognize she's not one of the better nannies we've had. (Maybe we were spoiled with two excellent nannies where we lived before.) Any advice on how to let her go? We would be letting her go for cause - she's not performing the way she's supposed to be performing - but it's all just little stuff. That little stuff builds up into a pile of frustration, irritation, and extra work for us, though, so we need to make a change.

Would appreciate advice!

[Anonymous]

First of all giving a poor reference or trying to come up with a cause sounds like you are trying to find a way to get around the system. Are you looking to avoid her being able to get unemployment or make yourself look good to an agency or another potential nanny? If you have had this nanny for a year and you have not addressed this then your nanny is doing her job and for goodness sake she is reliable and trustworthy and you still hope to find something bad. Sounds like you do not have a personality fit and that happens but at least give your nanny proper notice, a decent reference and move on also be sure to let your nanny give a reference on you so the next on can get a fair look at the position.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her it's not a good fit so you'll be letting her go. What's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

First of all giving a poor reference or trying to come up with a cause sounds like you are trying to find a way to get around the system. Are you looking to avoid her being able to get unemployment or make yourself look good to an agency or another potential nanny? If you have had this nanny for a year and you have not addressed this then your nanny is doing her job and for goodness sake she is reliable and trustworthy and you still hope to find something bad. Sounds like you do not have a personality fit and that happens but at least give your nanny proper notice, a decent reference and move on also be sure to let your nanny give a reference on you so the next on can get a fair look at the position.

Okay, I see you just don't get it. Never mind. I'll wait patiently for a response from someone who does.

[Anonymous]

The primary reason for being specific about firing for cause, versus for fit, is the ability to deny her unemployment benefits (which can be denied if employee is fired for direct misconduct), or to address severance/notice terms specified in your contract.

If you want to be truly clear that you are firing for cause, and if there has been no flagrant misconduct (breach of safety or harm coming to the kids, etc...) then you need to be able to document that you have discussed your concerns with your employee directly and given her a chance to improve or change.

If you simply want to move on without taking those steps then you should take the high road and give notice, generous severance, and a decent reference letter. If you're ending the relationship primarily because of fit issues, then there is probably still quite a bit of positive feedback you could provide in a reference letter.

When you hire your next nanny be sure to be very explicit, upfront, about your expectations and the job responsibilities. Hold the employee to those, be direct and prompt in addressing any concerns, and set up good communication around all of that from the start.

- MB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her it's not a good fit so you'll be letting her go. What's the big deal?

Exactly. Looks like we have a troll or she's not telling us her real motivations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her it's not a good fit so you'll be letting her go. What's the big deal?

Exactly. Looks like we have a troll or she's not telling us her real motivations.

You people are complete drama queens. It's either trolling or lying. You're desperate for intrigue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The primary reason for being specific about firing for cause, versus for fit, is the ability to deny her unemployment benefits (which can be denied if employee is fired for direct misconduct), or to address severance/notice terms specified in your contract.

If you want to be truly clear that you are firing for cause, and if there has been no flagrant misconduct (breach of safety or harm coming to the kids, etc...) then you need to be able to document that you have discussed your concerns with your employee directly and given her a chance to improve or change.

If you simply want to move on without taking those steps then you should take the high road and give notice, generous severance, and a decent reference letter. If you're ending the relationship primarily because of fit issues, then there is probably still quite a bit of positive feedback you could provide in a reference letter.

When you hire your next nanny be sure to be very explicit, upfront, about your expectations and the job responsibilities. Hold the employee to those, be direct and prompt in addressing any concerns, and set up good communication around all of that from the start.

- MB

OP here. Our contract does not require severance, and we would plan to give a reasonable notice. If we were planning to fire her and show her the door we'd give her severance.

It's really not about denying unemployment. It's more about addressing communications: she's nice and everything, but just not cutting it. We don't want to hurt her and I unfortunately know too much about her financial situation - both of which are part of why we haven't just moved on already. We had hoped it would improve. It hasn't.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't providing severance, be prepared for her to stop working immediately. If you insist on givingher notice, offer one weeks severance if she works until x date. It's also the right thing to do...

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't give less than three weeks notice, especially considering 1) she's done nothing wrong (and it sounds like you never even brought up your concerns to her to give her the opportunity to address them), and 2) you say she is in financial trouble. You don't /have/ to give severance, but I agree that if you will be dependent upon her services for the length of her notice period, it would be in your best interest to offer some sort of bonus for staying until the end. Perhaps even just an extra $200 or $250 would be enough to accomplish that (not necessarily a full weeks salary).

[Anonymous]

Can you elaborate on what you mean by the "little" stuff OP? Reason being is that perhaps there is a way that you can talk to her + rectify the issue before letting her go.

Are these things that can be fixed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you elaborate on what you mean by the "little" stuff OP? Reason being is that perhaps there is a way that you can talk to her + rectify the issue before letting her go.

Are these things that can be fixed?

Little stuff:
Can't manage kid homework. I don't mean helping with it, I mean taking a look at folders and seeing what the girls have to do that day.
Clothes are always in the wrong closet even though they are clearly different sizes. Laundry is disorganized generally so harder to put away than if organized.
Socks: one of my daughters never, ever has socks in her drawer. All socks end up in only one of the girls' rooms.
Food: washing produce. Letting us know what kids are during the day so we don't repeat same for dinner.
Basic judgment: Young 4 yr old girl plays outside alone in the backyard at dusk on a relatively busy street. Looking for 10 minutes for my "missing" girls (who seemed not to have gotten off the bus) instead of calling me right away, including by calling school and bus company. Random other stuff along these lines - kids have been fine but her judgment is just not quite what it should be.
way too many texts that say "call me!!" with no other hint as to whether there is an emergency or if she's just wondering if there is soccer tomorrow.

Really, most of it is small stuff, but it makes my life harder. And the not calling when she can't find my kids for 10 minutes made me crazy. I've tried redirection on ALL of this but it's more of the same. It's not that she's not trying. She is.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you communicated any of these concerns with your nanny?

I'm not sure what happened with your "missing" children, but it sounds like the nanny tried to (and succeeded in) handling the situation on her own. Why alarm the mother if the children were located safe and sound within ten minutes? It sounds like you just don't like this nanny. She's a bad fit for your family, and that's okay. It doesn't make her a bad nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you communicated any of these concerns with your nanny?

I'm not sure what happened with your "missing" children, but it sounds like the nanny tried to (and succeeded in) handling the situation on her own. Why alarm the mother if the children were located safe and sound within ten minutes? It sounds like you just don't like this nanny. She's a bad fit for your family, and that's okay. It doesn't make her a bad nanny.

Agree with this poster. These are mostly silly, and seem like all that really needs to happen is a conversation and a bit more management on your part. Maybe she's not "excellent" but it sounds like you're not exactly excelling as a boss either. Give her a system to work within, a routine. Address your expectations. It really doesn't sound like she deserves to be fired. If you insist that this is what you want, give her notice and a reference letter that discusses what you did appreciate about her. In the future you need to be clearer about your expectations and stop allowing small things to build up to the point that you'd fire someone over socks.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's time for the kids to start putting their own clothes away? That would be a good start. The 4 yr old should need help w/ some stuff, but she can certainly put socks and underwear in the drawer along with folded pants and shirts. (The trick is to not have so many clothes that she can't easily just dump them in the drawer. 5 pants and shirts is plenty.) The older kid who's old enough to have homework should be able to put her own clothes away. That would alleviate a big part of your headache.

But I do agree this nanny doesn't sound like she's able to work independently and that's a key trait a nanny needs to have. I hope she is young because I'd hate to think someone would make it into their 30s and beyond needing so much hand holding.