Terminating a so-so nanny

[Anonymous]

I'm just poking around in here, but your nanny sounds sweet and acceptable, but not particularly bright. I had one like that once and spent way too much time complaining about her to my husband--lots of little things that amounted to a lot -- unable to assemble a straw sippy cup because it was too complicated, didn't take my kids out once on a beautiful day because she could figure out how to open the stroller, losing my house keys, etc. the list was endless. Basically she just wasn't smart.

Eventually this nanny moved away, solving my problem. You'll either have to accept your nanny's limitations, or find a graceful way to move on.

For what it's worth, I do continue to provide a good reference for this nanny, focusing on the positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's time for the kids to start putting their own clothes away? That would be a good start. The 4 yr old should need help w/ some stuff, but she can certainly put socks and underwear in the drawer along with folded pants and shirts. (The trick is to not have so many clothes that she can't easily just dump them in the drawer. 5 pants and shirts is plenty.) The older kid who's old enough to have homework should be able to put her own clothes away. That would alleviate a big part of your headache.

But I do agree this nanny doesn't sound like she's able to work independently and that's a key trait a nanny needs to have. I hope she is young because I'd hate to think someone would make it into their 30s and beyond needing so much hand holding.

NP here. I get what you are saying, and I have thought this same thing about my own nanny and children. But it does seem sort of ridiculous to have my 4 y/o do something because the adult in charge can't figure out how to do it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. A couple of the PPs seem to get it. She's nice enough but ultimately just not getting it. I have spoken to her about all of it, and she tries, but there's no real improvement. There are certainly positives (very kind, dependable, very neat), but the cumulative effect of these small failings is a big headache. I don't have the capacity to come home from a full day at work, try to figure out the homework and get child started on it while I'm trying to make dinner or when we're supposed to leave for an activity. I don't have time to rearrange clothes in the closet or try to reunite scattered toys with their mates (blocks in block bin, animals with animals, dollhouse pieces with dollhouse - she just throws it all together). Maybe I got horribly spoiled with our previous nannies but it just shouldn't be this hard. Does she keep my kids alive? Yes. Is she nice to them? Yes. Can she handle the entire job? No, not really.

[Anonymous]

So. ...are you planning to give her 3 weeks notice so she can get her affairs in order? Are you planning to give her a positive reference? Any less would be unfair, especially since you agree that she is good with the kids (just not the extra stuff).

I can't resist the analogy of going to a bagel shop and ordering a bagel with cream cheese. If you received only the bagel without cream cheese, it would still relieve your hunger and get the basic job done. But you're paying for the cream cheese, you're expecting the cream cheese, and your ultimate experience is compromised.

You've put up with a bagel sans cream cheese for quite some time. You've chosen not to have a talk with the employee about the missing cream cheese. You can deal with that same bagel without cream cheese for another three weeks. And if you decide not to wait another three weeks for your cream cheese, then you'll have to live with this injustice to your loyal employee on your conscience for the rest of your life, and deal with any karmic payback that might head your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So. ...are you planning to give her 3 weeks notice so she can get her affairs in order? Are you planning to give her a positive reference? Any less would be unfair, especially since you agree that she is good with the kids (just not the extra stuff).

I can't resist the analogy of going to a bagel shop and ordering a bagel with cream cheese. If you received only the bagel without cream cheese, it would still relieve your hunger and get the basic job done. But you're paying for the cream cheese, you're expecting the cream cheese, and your ultimate experience is compromised.

You've put up with a bagel sans cream cheese for quite some time. You've chosen not to have a talk with the employee about the missing cream cheese. You can deal with that same bagel without cream cheese for another three weeks. And if you decide not to wait another three weeks for your cream cheese, then you'll have to live with this injustice to your loyal employee on your conscience for the rest of your life, and deal with any karmic payback that might head your way.

It sounds like she did have several conversations with this nanny about the cream cheese. I agree that it makes sense to give her 2-3 weeks of notice.

I am not sure about a positive reference. Would you give a positive review to your bagel shop that never put any cream cheese on your bagel, yet continued to charge you for it? I think it's reasonable to give a reference saying that the bagel is great, but this particular shop doesn't have cream cheese. I have given a reference like that before, and my former employee still got the job.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a real bitch.
Just let her go if you are not happy, but do not stop her from claiming unemployment. She will need it. Are you really so heartless that you do not understand that?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't seem like a great nanny. I can emphatize, we're in a similar situation and it is very frustrating. We will probably let her go but will give proper notice as per the contract. I do t understand why you have to fire for cause OP?

[Anonymous]

^ DON'T understand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a real bitch.
Just let her go if you are not happy, but do not stop her from claiming unemployment. She will need it. Are you really so heartless that you do not understand that?

WHY is OP a "real bitch"?

Being good with kids does not make a good nanny. Being a good nanny is so much more than that. The nanny here is not doing the whole job and that is a valid reason for letting her go. This family needs a different kind of nanny. This nanny needs to move on to a family who has different expectations and job responsibilities. Not every nanny is right for every nanny job.

OP, I would focus on the things that she has done well when giving a reference. If people ask specific questions you can answer them honestly.