I just can't let my 9wk old charge CIO:(

[Anonymous]

My charge is a 9 week old. The parents ( mostly the mom) is selfish in my eyes. Since 3 weeks old they have started CIO for naps/sleep. Their reason is " I don't want I have to rock my baby to sleep for ever when he's older or make him spoiled". Now don't get me wrong..I am a CIO and self-soothing advocate, but for older babies. I've been working with this age group for several years. I don't believe a child can CIO until at least 4 months. I am really fed up with. MB is beyond controlling and accused me of " holding baby too long for nap" because he wants to be held. Um, no..that's a typical newborn.

Let me clarify that I don't hold to sleep at all. I only pick him up if he is screaming. Here is MB's rules

* No paci, no motion, or music while putting him down for sleep.
* He is to be put down drowsy and self-soothe to sleep.
* He is to fuss himself asleep. Only if he is crying hard and for more than 1 minute, I am allowed to pick up. As soon as he is calm, I am to place back down.

They believe he will become dependent on these supports so he is not allowed to have a pacifier, allowed any type of swing, no rocking to sleep, and no white noise or lullabies. He is also on a very strict nap and eating schedule. Once my charge didn't like a certain way he is swaddled and started fussing. Her reply was " Too bad. My child isn't in charge, I am".

I feel so bad for my charge. Some days he is extra fussy and I have to let him fuss and whine. I feel like a monster. I know I have to respect their wishes but I don't agree with any of this. I honestly think I need to quit. The pay is amazing and it's only until May ( daycare opening) but I don't think I can last.

[Anonymous]

So quit.

[Anonymous]

I take issue with what she said about the swaddling. That just seems cruel.
I don't understand no lullabies.
But I don't believe in adding white noise machines or pacifiers if not needed.

Everything else drowsy to sleep allowing a little fussing is fine. No more than a minute is hardly CIO.
Why create a situation for older sleep training or breaking habits?

It's clear you don't respect mother or her way of doing things. It's time for you to move on and find a family that matches your own beliefs or have a baby of your own and you can call all the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with what she said about the swaddling. That just seems cruel.
I don't understand no lullabies.
But I don't believe in adding white noise machines or pacifiers if not needed.

Everything else drowsy to sleep allowing a little fussing is fine. No more than a minute is hardly CIO.
Why create a situation for older sleep training or breaking habits?

It's clear you don't respect mother or her way of doing things. It's time for you to move on and find a family that matches your own beliefs or have a baby of your own and you can call all the shots.

I made a typo. It's 10 not 1 minute. I don't agree because my charge is a preemie by 6 weeks and has a medical condition. Stress is not good for him.

Like I said, I believe in CIO and self-soothing. Starting these things young is fine but letting a preemie infant scream it's head for 10 minutes so he will go to sleep is just plain wrong.

[Anonymous]

You should probably quit... I agree that a premature 9wo should not be CIO, and you can't blatantly disregard the parents' request so you'll have to move on. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

We are also doing BabyWise method which I don't agree with due to the risks involved.

[Anonymous]

I think you should consider yourself lucky to
have found a family that believes in CIO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should consider yourself lucky to
have found a family that believes in CIO.

What? You are legit crazy, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with what she said about the swaddling. That just seems cruel.
I don't understand no lullabies.
But I don't believe in adding white noise machines or pacifiers if not needed.

Everything else drowsy to sleep allowing a little fussing is fine. No more than a minute is hardly CIO.
Why create a situation for older sleep training or breaking habits?

It's clear you don't respect mother or her way of doing things. It's time for you to move on and find a family that matches your own beliefs or have a baby of your own and you can call all the shots.

I made a typo. It's 10 not 1 minute. I don't agree because my charge is a preemie by 6 weeks and has a medical condition. Stress is not good for him.

Like I said, I believe in CIO and self-soothing. Starting these things young is fine but letting a preemie infant scream it's head for 10 minutes so he will go to sleep is just plain wrong.

Okay your correction makes a difference 10 minutes is not okay, but unfortunately there's not much you can do but quit.

[Anonymous]

Get them a copy of the "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. and dog ear the pages on the 5 S's, and also the part on how a baby's 1st 3 months are like the 4th trimester, and they still need the rocking, swaying, shushing, swaddling, etc.
- Mom of 4

[Anonymous]

I'm in the cry it out camp but not until 6+ months. Good heavens, when they're tiny you pick them up if that's what they need. I don't get the no music thing, what's so hard or bad about pushing a button to pay some music so the kid doesn't wake up every time the floor creaks or the neighbors dog barks. Pacis are fine IMO too, some kids just need to suck more than others. Nothing wrong with that. These parents sound woefully uninformed about newborn care. That said, I'd probably stick it out for two months and save literally every penny they're paying above the average rate for my area.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with pacis or music, but why start it if not needed?

I have found babies to be terrible sleepers that are dependent on the pacifiers and music, and need an absolute silent house to sleep.


10 minutes is too long and he is too long for CIO.

[Anonymous]

Your MB is a HORRIBLE MOTHER. I would have no choice but to tell her exactly how I feel about what she is doing an quit.

I could never, ever let a newborn baby cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is a HORRIBLE MOTHER. I would have no choice but to tell her exactly how I feel about what she is doing an quit.

I could never, ever let a newborn baby cry.

Bully for you.

So OP should quit. No shocker there. I bet the mother would be relieved and perhaps far more receptive to a different nanny's approach.

[Anonymous]

I'd quit.

Honestly, all this should have been discussed before you accepted the job. You need to find a family who fits your "style".

I won't work for families who practice certain methods I don't agree with... CIO is iffy for me, but no way for a newborn.

There are tons of articles stating it is not ok to let a newborn CIO.

Even CIO advocates say you need to wait at the very least six months.