"driver" for children?
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Anonymous
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Our nanny of 4 years has informed us that she will no longer drive our children because it creates stress for her (her words, not mine). She handles pick up for our children at school, which is about a mile from our house. We have two now in preschool, and one due soon. Not driving is simply not an option, especially as our older child will be moving to a new school next year (still within that 1 mile radius of our house). As a result of her unwillingness to drive, our children have friends based on our nanny's friends, not expanding or deepening relationships with friends at school because going to their houses requires driving. We have worked around that challenge, and similar issues with being unable to let our children participate in activities/classes with their friends, to this point. It all came to a direct discussion today because she flat out said "I will not drive three children. I will stay home and you can make some arrangements to have a driver for the children."
Is this what people are talking about when they say "our needs changed"? Is a driver arrangement something that people actually do? It just strikes me as excessive, and unnecessary, as I see the other caregivers at our preschool managing very similar schedules with no problem. Obviously its not as easy as just having one newborn charge, and I get that, but this is feeling like an excessively strong demand (and demand it is, this is not a request from her). So....what are experiences from others - parents and caregivers - who have BTDT? |
Anonymous
| If this is her "line in the sand" then make your decision. She has already made hers. In other words, yes - it is time to find a new nanny. |
Anonymous
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Just find someone who can do what you need. I don't see your problem here?
Are you trying to imply you have some deep attachment to this nanny and can't let her go? What am I missing? |
Anonymous
| I actually wouldn't want someone who is uncomfortable driving my children - driving my children. It will be very sad and hard on the children, but I think you need to find a new nanny. Your needs have changed and your nanny has made it clear that she will not and cannot meet the new demands. |
Anonymous
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Might be her passive way of wanting to leave.
Driving 1-5 miles one way is not a big deal. Maybe her driving is bad anyways. Find a new nanny, be clear with the responsibilities and then give your old nanny her two weeks notice or severance. |
Anonymous
She's been with us for so long and we've developed a good relationship, and she is phenomenal with babies (one of which we have coming...). I guess I'm letting that cloud the employer/employee part of this and should just approach this with less emotion, more ration, and find someone who can handle babies and little kids? |
Anonymous
Any good nanny can handle babies and little kids - that is what we do. And most of us drive! |
Anonymous
| It's probably the one due soon. Another kid and the otjet two in school and she had to drive them. I don't blame her. Why. Can't your kids take school bus? |
Anonymous
| I hate to say it OP, but it seems like you're going to need to find another baby. I would sit down with your nanny, without the kids around, and have a serious discussion about this. Tell her that driving the kids is a requirement for the job and you will have to find someone new if she refuses to drive them. Maybe she will change her mind about it, but if she doesn't I suspect this was her way of quitting. Good luck OP, this is a tricky situation. |
Anonymous
| Time to find a new nanny. Driving is a part of the job. If she won't do it, she has to go. |
Anonymous
| You're crazy for having put up with this so long to your family's detriment. |
Anonymous
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Personally I don't see what's wrong with walking less than a mile from school for preschoolers... unless they're under the age of 3 or 4, in which case she can use the stroller - but even then, it's not that long. But a mile for kids older than that should be okay, in my opinion. She could use public transportation for getting to classes/playdates, if that's a possibility.
That said, I also understand if you don't want your kids to spend this time getting from place to place or missing out on things they could enjoy, so you have two options: 1. fire her - flat out say that driving is a requirement and if she can't do it, she is out of the job. Incidentally, why doesn't she want to drive? Because of the hassle with the seats, or because she's anxious about driving children around? If it's the former, she should probably get over it, if it's the latter, she probably shouldn't be driving your kids anyway. 2. keep her on - if she is so valuable to you, which it seems like she is, and you would feel much more comfortable leaving your new baby with her as she already knows everything there is to know about your parenting, then you could make some arrangements with her. Find out if she's willing to drive a little, work around that. Have someone pick them up for playdates, have the nanny bring the preschoolers to a child's house who's being driven to the same class. Research public transportation, cabs, etc. Look into a regular driver, perhaps a student or a nearby neighbour who could use a bit of cash and a few hours a week. You are the only one who can decide if this is a deal breaker or not. Generally, though, I think it would be. Like, I can't imagine that my NF kept me on if I had to drive and wouldn't. (But we live in a huge city so we don't drive at all, and my 3yo and 4yo twins and I take public transportation or walk thirty minutes to and from daycare and to other things all the time.) |
Anonymous
I am a Nanny and I don't like to drive . I don't take a job where you have to drive. It's a huge responsibility to take incase something happens don't want to leave in that guilt. Remember accident can happen no matter how good you drive. Just my opinion may be your nanny doesn't want to drive anymore in this weather. I do have huge respect to all the nannies who drive kids around because it's a huge responsibility. |
Anonymous
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Maybe this is her passive way of quitting or retiring.
Either way, this is basic care-taker stuff for a family of 3 so get another one sooner than later so everyone can adjust before the little one comes. |
Anonymous
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I have three also, and one more on the way. A nanny who could drive has been a priority for me since we had the first. I also have to wonder if she just finds the whole thing to be too much of a hassle, which caring for three young children is going to be with a car or not.
What I would not do in a million years is try to find a driver. You have a presumably well-compensated grown-up who already works for you, and you want to add a second person who will be so part time that he/she will probably last only a few months at a time, will be sick/late/absent on different days than your nanny, and will require another search anyway? Take that time and search for a nanny who can drive. As you say, this situation has also limited what activities your kids can do. OP, do you want to know what my kids are doing today? My nanny took my almost 5-year-old, three-year-old, and 1.5-year-old to the pool, where she will swim with them until swimming lessons time. Three days a week, she drives the oldest two to and from preschool, and takes the youngest one to activities. When the weather's nice, sometimes she takes them to fun parks further away, or if not, to the library or museum. Do any of these things sound like things you'd like your nanny to be able to do? |