I don't want to share my private life with my employers

[Anonymous]

They are a nice couple and good parents. I love their child and do my very best every day to teach and take good care of him. I would say that 95% of the conversations I have with my employers are about the child or plans for the child, maybe 4% about their lives and about 1% about my personal life.

The thing is that I've had a tragedy in my life and lost someone very close to me very unexpectedly. I'm not working this long four day weekend and have been able to fly to be with his friends and family at his funeral in California (where I am now). I will be back to work Monday morning so they will not know that anything has happened. I don't want to tell them about my loss even though I have mentioned my lost friend in passing quite a few times. I don't want to and I won't -- at least not for a very long time.

I remember the post a few weeks back about the MB who found out her nanny's mother had died months earlier and she never said a word about it. I thought the nanny was odd when I read it but now I understand why she never mentioned it to her employers. It is a strange closeness we share with out employers -- we share a love for their child and we work in their home. That is a strong connection. A very strong connection. But it is generally different and separate from our personal life. I do not want to bridge that divide with this very painful and personal information that they do not need to know.

I also am looking forward to being happy and forgetting about my loss when I am with my charge. I'm so exhausted from crying already.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for your loss. You have every right to maintain boundaries. Employers must respect healthy boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I am so very sorry for your loss, OP. Yes, you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable and you have no obligation to share anything you don't want to with your employers.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. I know this must be a very hard time for you. I support you 100% in keeping your private life private and going to work on Monday with only your charge in mind. It is admirable actually.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above posters -- you have no obligation to share your personal life with the people you work for. Stay strong and carry on.

I recently lost a friend and it is deeply painful. Please accept my condolences.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP, and I agree with you. And please also accept my condolences for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Believe me, most of us don't want to know about your personal life either. That is not meant to sound mean, but we don't.

[Anonymous]

MB here. Sorry for your loss, pp. I'm sure you miss him deeply and find it difficult to talk about, especially with those who did not know him. Just share whatever feels comfortable for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can deal with it in a private way, the way that you choose to do so.

If you are asked about it, you can simply and kindly respond that the pain is still raw and you are simply not ready to discuss it right now nor do you know if you will be later on.

Then leave it at that.

It will be a very unusual tactic if the family actually persists which I highly doubt they will do.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your loss, OP.

Your instincts are right and you should keep this from your employers until you feel ready to share it - if you ever feel ready to share it.


From experience I can tell you that you will not always feel this bad or this sad. Grief does fade. The tears will stop. But you will always have your memories of your friend and will be happy that you knew him.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, Sweetie. If you were our nanny, I would want to know just to hug you and give you whatever support I could. But I totally understand and respect that you need your privacy now and a safe place to forget about your loss for periods of time come Monday. Children are amazing at helping us though hard times just by their joy and wonder at everything!

I lost a dear friend last spring. I found great peace in remembering that I was so very lucky to have had her in my life for whatever time was available to us.

[Anonymous]

Do what you feel you need to do, OP, and don't feel pressured to do what doesn't feel right to you. There is no right or wrong here - just what feels right to you.

I am a very private person. When I read the post about the nanny not mentioning that her mother had passed away, I understood it completely. As a nanny, I love my employers children and I work in their home. They do not love my children nor have ever met them and they have never been to my home. While I like and respect the couple I work for, I don't love them and we aren't "friends". If I were in your position, OP, I would never mention my loss to my employers but I would hug my charges tightly and tell them how much I do love them on Monday morning.

I am so sorry for you loss and the pain you are experiencing.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. I would completely understand you not talking about it, although I'd also want to express my condolences.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP, and I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, I would not tell my employers either if I didn't have to and you do not need any time off so you don't have to mention it at all.

You brought up some interesting points about the nanny/parent relationship -- it is as intimate as it is distant -- and I can't think of any other relationship that even comes close to the nanny/parent relationship.

I am so sorry for you loss. Stay strong, OP.