At indoor playground saw another nanny...

[Anonymous]

I take my charge regularly to an indoor playground on days it's too cold or rainy to play outside. Three times we have been here, I've seen a certain nanny here. It's a bit of a long story, but I've been babysitting for a particular family for over a year now. They have a four year old and a little girl who is about 15, maybe 16 months old now. Every time I babysit for them, it is late in the evening, and most of the time, their younger daughter is already asleep. Their older daughter is in full time preschool, and they started working with a nanny for the younger daughter in September. The nanny they hired has a son the same age as their daughter. They are a well off family and have always paid me a generous rate (and they told me before they hired the nanny the rate they were offering for a nanny, which was also generous, but I was already employed full time with another family and couldn't take the job).

Anyway, so three times at the indoor playground, I've seen the nanny with the little girl I work with on evenings, and her son. This nanny spends about 30% of her time chatting with other moms, 50% of her time with her son, and 20% of her time with this girl. I've also seen things like, when the two kids are playing together, if the girl grabs something from her son she scolds her, makes her apologize and give the toy back. But I've seen her son grab from the girl and she conveniently never seems to notice. If the girl cries as a result she never places blame with her son but instead redirects the girl to a different toy. Also she's let this poor girl run around with a poopy diaper for quite a long time. Part of it may be that she just doesn't notice because she spends so little time with the girl, but I've also seen the girl following her around doggedly with a dirty diaper while she plays with her son, and is largely ignored. Just now even, she put the little girl into a car, and walked her around for a few minutes, which I thought was nice, but then she went over to play with her son, and left the girl in the car, which she struggled for several minutes to get out of by herself, began whimpering because she was stuck, and then I went over to help her myself.

Should I tell the mom of the little girl what I've seen? I feel like this is to be expected a little bit when you hire a nanny with her own child, but...this really bugs me to watch! (The little girl seems to recognize me but always just comes over and smiles at me and then moves on, I'm quite sure the nanny does not know that I know the family.)

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you dont wont this job since you say she is well compensated!

[Anonymous]

I'd love to work with them more, but I'm happy with the families I work with now. It's mostly a matter of principle. If I were her mother I would want to know that the nanny I hired isn't giving my daughter enough attention, etc.

[Anonymous]

yes, tell her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm hesitant for a few reasons. I can tell they really like her as their nanny, so I feel like if I say "hey, I saw them at the playground and felt she wasn't really giving your daughter enough attention" they probably would want to talk things out with her. It would be easy for the nanny to insist that I'm wrong, and I'm worried that my relationship with the family might suffer if they side with her. I only work with them occasionally, but since I've been working with them for so long (and the mom has recommended me to many of her friends) I'd really hate to lose the good rapport that we have.

Also, since I frequent the playground, I think sooner or later the little girl is going to recognize me and call me by name, and the nanny could probably put two and two together and figure out that I was the whistleblower. I doubt she'd do anything nasty, but who knows.

Lastly, the more I think about it, the more I feel like her actions are like just barely over the line. Yes, she should give the girl more attention. Yes, she should treat her a bit more fairly. But she wasn't being mean to her per se, and she did give her some attention, just not nearly as much as she gave her son. Today when the girl had a dirty diaper it did take 15-20 minutes for her to notice (even though I could tell right away), but once she noticed she seemed to take action on it immediately (but again, if she had been interacting with the girl more, she should've noticed sooner).

Do you guys really think I should tell the mother, without hesitation?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I do think you should tell the mother.

I'm a nanny and I see the same horrible nanny in our neighborhood ignoring her twins charges and texting constantly. I usually always side with nannies but if I knew the MB of these poor little girls, I would tell her in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely tell mom. I'm sure some will say mind your own business but don't. It's not right and you should speak up for this little girl. Good luck! And don't worry about what the crappy nanny will think or put together, she needs a new profession.

[Anonymous]

Why is a 4 yr old in a dirty diaper?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a 4 yr old in a dirty diaper?

Read again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes, tell her.

No. You do not tell you want her job so stop denying. Furthermore, I do not believe the MB would have told a babysitter how much she pays her nanny. Thus, I am calling TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Write an anonymous letter to this kid's parents and let them know what's going on.

As a mom, I would want to know. No matter how nice my nanny is.

Do it ! Have them know by an anonymous letter.

[Anonymous]

And where was your charge while you were spending 15 to 20 minutes focused on this other nanny?

If you truly feel this little girl is being neglected by her nanny then yes mention it to her parents.

When you talk to them tell them what you observed.

Use I saw statements. What you observed the nanny doing.
Be accurate.

It does not matter what you feel

In other words not I feel she should be doing this or she spends 50% of her time chatting. That is all subjective.

You want objective. I saw nanny leave little girl unattended on equipment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is a 4 yr old in a dirty diaper?

Read again.

I think pp meant as in why isnt a 4 yo potty trained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is a 4 yr old in a dirty diaper?

Read again.

I think pp meant as in why isnt a 4 yo potty trained.

And I meant pp should use her brain and read the original post. The 16mo baby was left in a dirty diaper, not the 4yo.

And while it is uncommon for 4yo children not to be potty trained by no means is it completely unheard of, so.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should read your post again. It is really biased. There's no way you could know the exact percentage of time she spends focussed on each child, and her pay is not remotely relevant to your story so you sound jeolous. It really sounds like you're looking to find fault in this nanny. It doesn't sound like a situation of abuse or even true neglect, and you don't sound like an unbiased observer, so yeah I think you should mind your own business.