When other nannies or mothers will not step in, do you?

[Anonymous]

I posted this same question on the parenting board but am interested in hearing form nannies.

Some mothers and/or nannies at our community center playroom will not stop their child from grabbing a toy out of the hands of another child. Do you intervene when this happens and your little one is the one who got his toy snatched? I have gently told the other child that DS is playing with that toy right now but the child can have it when he's done. Or that they can share the toy. But SIL told me I am overstepping and may one day get my ass handed to me by another irate mother or nanny.

I just can't see letting another child, especially a bigger child, take something away from my child (or allow my child to take something out of the hands of another child) without intervening.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here, and yes I would step in if it is clear that the other mom or nanny isn't going to. My concern is for my charge, and what am I teaching her if I sit back and let someone treat her like crap? As she gets older I will teach her how to negotiate these situations herself with the other kid, but for now it's my job to stick up for her. Of course I would do so gently, and maybe encourage them to play with it together, but yes I am going to say something. I could give a rats ass if someone wants to catch an attitude. Maybe watch your kid, and I won't have to.

[Anonymous]

I find myself doing this all the time. Parents and nannies alike end up at a park or something and just let their kids run free for an hour, even though their kids are brats.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here-

For me it depends on how old the other kids are. I have toddler triplet charges. If it's other little kids then I wouldn't say anything most likely, but for bigger kids then I do usually say something. I've had a couple of experiences lately where it was much bigger kids just running wild and being really mean to my little guys, so I just flat out told them they needed to stop taking things and pushing my guys down. Didn't stop them totally but they did stay away from my charges after that. We also have a couple of local Au Pairs that I've learned do not watch their charges at all. So now when they come to the playground or library story time when I'm there I keep a close eye on them as they tend to come in and leave a wake of destruction in their paths

[Anonymous]

Yes, I always get involved. I have found that the other nannies appreciate it while the parents give me dirty looks - but I do not care. No one, especially an older kid, is going to take a toy out of the hands of my little guy (14 months old).

Once a three year old took away a toy that my little guy was playing with (not from his hands but he was pushing it). I looked to the father (or maybe grandfather) who said to his kid, "Do you want to share with the little boy?". The girl said "no" and put the toy on the shelf. He said, "That's okay". So I said to the grandfather, "You know what? That is not okay. She shouldn't have taken away a toy that another child was playing with" and I took the took off the shelf and handed it back to my charge. The man said, "She's only three" and I said, "She is but you aren't." And he took his kid and left. I feel I absolutely did the right thing and the father/grandfather was a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I step in if it's aggressive. I do first look to see if the responsible parent for the child is going to do anything. When the answer is no, I say something if it's something I don't think is being handled appropriately by the kids. My daughter's pretty good at saying "don't do that to me" so I let her handle it herself most of the time. But if the other kid doesn't respect that s/he's been told no, then I firmly step in and say something like "she said no." At one birthday party, there was one kid who seemed to really have no sense of personal space, self control, or anything - I assume a developmental delay, wasn't very verbal - so I wasn't stern with him but after asking him nicely to stop grabbing & knocking others over, I just resorted to physically standing between him and my child whenever he came near.

Honestly, I think I am crossing the line sometimes in the sense that I'm doing what other parents should be doing for themselves and I may not be doing it how they think is best and it should be their call with their kids, but I also can't stand idly by while another kid gets hurt when I'm a responsible parent witnessing the thing. So, I do end up telling other people's kids "hey, shoving is not okay" and surprisingly, I have yet to be chewed out by any of the other parents. I'm sure it's coming one day, from one of the "we don't say no, we redirect" types, but so far I haven't even gotten a stink eye. When I really feel I've overstepped, I apologize to the other parent for not letting them handle it themselves and I usually get a "oh, what you said was fine, no biggie" type response.

[Anonymous]

For me it depends on the situation, and how my charge reacts. I'm not going to make a big deal over a taken toy if my charge doesn't care.

I have two charges 7 months and 2.5 at play and sing last week another baby took a toy from her I found another toy for my charge to play with.

Sameday a kid took a truck from my 2.5 year old she didn't seem to care so I let it roll.

Now later when were all out on the playground the kids around my older charges age were playing on the slide.

When one little girl decided she didn't want to share with the other toddlers so she did her best to block the steps.

I chose to watch for a minute I could see my charge working out what to do.

and after a minute I heard her ask to " slide please."

Well this other little girl gives my charge and this little boy a push and says no.

Then I said to all of them the slide is for everyone to play on we take turns and we don't push each other that hurts.

Then I showed my charge how to walk around her.

They ended up playing nicely together.

Little girls mom just sat there the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here, and yes I would step in if it is clear that the other mom or nanny isn't going to. My concern is for my charge, and what am I teaching her if I sit back and let someone treat her like crap? As she gets older I will teach her how to negotiate these situations herself with the other kid, but for now it's my job to stick up for her. Of course I would do so gently, and maybe encourage them to play with it together, but yes I am going to say something. I could give a rats ass if someone wants to catch an attitude. Maybe watch your kid, and I won't have to.

+ 1/ I'm a nanny and so exactly the same as you do.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course I get involved - it's fricking "Lord of the Flies" with children if adults don't mediate. Children do not learn the rules of play without adult guidance - that is Child Development 101.

Plus, I would never want my charge to think I didn't "have her back" 24/7 and 100%.

[Anonymous]

Constant mediation and adult intervention can be an issue too.
Our kids are losing social skills and peer to peer interaction s that are important in development thanks to constant adult intervention.
When you constantly helicopter you are teaching a child they cannot do and solve a problem on their own, and that your feelings on a situation matter more than their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Constant mediation and adult intervention can be an issue too.
Our kids are losing social skills and peer to peer interaction s that are important in development thanks to constant adult intervention.
When you constantly helicopter you are teaching a child they cannot do and solve a problem on their own, and that your feelings on a situation matter more than their own.

Our children and charges LEARN social skills and peer-to-peer interaction. Neither are innate. Your point is well founded AFTER the child starts kindergarten when the children will sort it out and deal with the "offender" generally by refusing to play with him/her. I totally disagree that young children (under three) should be left to the fend for themselves in a face of a bullying older child.


And too often being anti-helicoptering is used as a justification for simply being lazy.

I'm a nanny and I always step in and protect or correct my charges in play groups and parks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Constant mediation and adult intervention can be an issue too.
Our kids are losing social skills and peer to peer interaction s that are important in development thanks to constant adult intervention.
When you constantly helicopter you are teaching a child they cannot do and solve a problem on their own, and that your feelings on a situation matter more than their own.

Our children and charges LEARN social skills and peer-to-peer interaction. Neither are innate. Your point is well founded AFTER the child starts kindergarten when the children will sort it out and deal with the "offender" generally by refusing to play with him/her. I totally disagree that young children (under three) should be left to the fend for themselves in a face of a bullying older child.


And too often being anti-helicoptering is used as a justification for simply being lazy.

I'm a nanny and I always step in and protect or correct my charges in play groups and parks.

Having a toy taken away is not always bullying.

[Anonymous]

To the nannies and parents that intervene are you comfortable with another nanny or mom correcting your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Constant mediation and adult intervention can be an issue too.
Our kids are losing social skills and peer to peer interaction s that are important in development thanks to constant adult intervention.
When you constantly helicopter you are teaching a child they cannot do and solve a problem on their own, and that your feelings on a situation matter more than their own.

Our children and charges LEARN social skills and peer-to-peer interaction. Neither are innate. Your point is well founded AFTER the child starts kindergarten when the children will sort it out and deal with the "offender" generally by refusing to play with him/her. I totally disagree that young children (under three) should be left to the fend for themselves in a face of a bullying older child.


And too often being anti-helicoptering is used as a justification for simply being lazy.

I'm a nanny and I always step in and protect or correct my charges in play groups and parks.

Having a toy taken away is not always bullying.

No, not if the toy is a ball and you're teaching the child to play football or basketball. Otherwise, yes, it is rude to ever remove an object form another's hands against their will - children and adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the nannies and parents that intervene are you comfortable with another nanny or mom correcting your child?

Nanny here and it has never happened (not yet anyway) as I'm on top of what my charge is doing but I'm sure I would be fine with it if the parent or adult handled the situation as gently and constructively as I do.