Experienced dad's and mom's I need your help

[Anonymous]

I am a first time working mother. Our nanny has been with us for about a month. We offer competative pay, vacation, benefits etc... Our nanny seems very sweet but is young (23). Her English is good. We thought things were going well but recetnly discovered she is out at the library, play dates, rec center etc... for 3-5 hours a day. That seems like a lot for a 4 month old. Can you share your expereiences? We also installed a nanny cam last week (which she knows about). She seems to talk on the phone and text alot. I watched what was going on at home today and she was onthe phone off and on for an hour straight. Despite being asked to put the baby in the cirb for naps she lets the baby like on the activity mat. I have discussed some of these issuses with her (not the pohone because I just found out about that) and when I bring things up she tends to be defensive. My gut is saying she is not doing her job. Am I right or am I expecting too much? Please try not to be sarcastic or critical in respondin to this post -- I am guiniely asking for help and opinions. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

My nanny is out of the house with the kids the majority of the day. Keeps the house cleaner, and tires the kids out to get so much fresh air.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny is out of the house with the kids the majority of the day. Keeps the house cleaner, and tires the kids out to get so much fresh air.

Is your kid 4 months old? Just being alive tires out a 4 month old.

I don't think being out of the house is a problem necessarily, unless she's missing nap cues. The phone thing is endemic, sad to say, especially among young nannies who absolutely will not get why you have a problem with them being connected all the time. You can talk to her about it, but my guess is that it won't change. As your child gets older, hopefully she will put the phone away and pay attention to him instead.

[Anonymous]

3-5 hrs per day is very excessive. I'm typically gone 2.5 hrs in the morning from 9-11:30 with toddlers. I can't imagine taking a 4 month old out more then 2 days a week. Unless the baby was signed up for a class or the parents asked me to take the baby to the library I wouldn't go with a baby that age. Going on a nice walk on nice days seems fine to me. And play dates ? I enjoy taking children to play dates but at 4 months ? Are you setting up these play dates or is she?

[Anonymous]

Your 4 month old doesn't need that much activity.
I typically don't start classes until 6 months and then it's only once a week.

Even if you signed up for all these classes it shouldn't take up 5 hours of the day.
Most classes for kids are an hour tops. So even figuring in half hour of travel each way she shouldn't need more than 2 hours.
With older kids it's different as sometimes they play with other children after class even that shouldn't take 5 hours.
4 month olds don't need play dates.

Seems to me your nanny is using these outings with the baby as her social time.

But only you know the start and end times of the classes and travel distance.

As for the phone , as long is she's not neglecting the baby or her other responsibilities I would let it go.

I don't know why she can't be bothered to put the baby in the crib.

You can talk to her, but it seems like this girl knows she lucked out with a great job and is taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be overly concerned about your four month old being out and about for long periods of time as long as it isn't interrupting his/her nap and feeding schedule.

I would bring up the texting and phone conversation thing. I hate that people assume that because I am a young nanny that I have to be on my phone at all times. I always have mine on me and make sure to check it in case it is a parent trying to contact me, but I have no reason to talk on the phone while my charge is awake. Tell your nanny to take care of her personal conversations while the baby is napping since four month olds nap a lot.

Also reiterate that you would prefer to have the baby take naps in the crib rather than on the floor. If she can't follow that simple request (unless the nursery is up like 50 flights of stairs lol) there are deeper issues.

Just sit her down and tell her that you think she is doing a, b and c well, but that you would prefer she changes the above things. If she doesn't after you talk to her, I would definitely start looking for her replacement.

[Anonymous]

I'd replace her with someone who has more infant experience. You want some who is able to establish get sleep and eating habits. Being out during naps and napping on the floor is not ok. Your baby should be on three naps a day between 1-3 hours each. There would only be a short window to go out when the baby is awake. Your nanny sounds bored and is using the phone and outings to entertain herself.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny but I work predominantly with infants and thought I would be good to answer.

Outside: I think it depends on your comfort level. Some parents want an hour or two for 1-2 walks for fresh air and some want you out all day. I worked for one family whos child would only sleep in the stroller in the beginning. We spent 4-5 hours outside walking while he slept. This was dead of winter with 20-30 degree temps. I personally think two hours is plenty. A few walks and a baby class should be sufficient. I take my current charge ( 17wks) out for a 20-30 min morning walk, 30-45 walk in afternoon and an hour baby class once a week. You choose your comfort level.

Phone: I never use my phone unless the child is napping or its my employers calling and texting. Her being on the phone is unacceptable. I would tell her no talking or give a minimum of time (5 tops). I spend majority of wake time engaging my charge with tummy time, reading, toys, music, singing, etc. He gets independent play on his playmat ( in eye sight) while I make a bottle, eat a snack, etc. That's no more than 10mins until he starts fussing for me.

Naps: If you specifically told her the baby needs to nap in the crib, she needs to respect that. The only time I didn't follow that rule was when my former charge was very ill and vomiting. I was afraid he would choke laying down and he wanted that extra comfort so I held him for the day. MB had no problem with that and was appreciative of that.

I feel some parents are too lenient. This is your child and your home. I wouldn't bargain with these rules. Tell her no phone, put the baby in crib at each nap, and give a limit of outside time you feel comfortable with. If she still won't respect your wishes- replace her with a nanny who will.

[Anonymous]

If your baby is clean, safe, healthy, and not crying. That's all you need. Let the nanny live her life since she is not doing any bad things to your baby.

WERE YOU GOING TO BE HAPPY AT YOUR WORK IF YOUR BOSS IS KEEPING HIS EYE ON YOU 8 HOURS PER DAY? WOULD YOU BE HAPPY IF YOUR BOSS LISTEN AND TRACK YOUR MSGS AND CALLS? IF YOUR CAREGIVER GETS UNHAPPY THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL PAYING FOR THAT WILL BE THE BABY. WE ARE ON YHE TECHNOLOGY ERA, THERE IS NO WAY TO CHANGE THAT. MANY NANNIES USE THE PHONE FOR RECIPES, FIND PLACES, LEARN ARTS AND CRAFTS, PUT SONGS FOR THE BABIES , SEND TEXTS AND PICTURES TO THE FAMILY.

PHONE IS EXTREMELY NECESSARY.

[Anonymous]

Another experienced infant nanny. She is doing a terrible job. The phone thing isn't the end of the world, but a) she should be able to keep it to naptimes as there are many at that age and b) if she can't pit it down, that becomes a major safety issue when they are crawling/walking. As for the rest--your 4 month old should be doing minimal outings during rsv season. Those are for her to socialize; the baby does not need them. The primary goal at this age should be establishing a good routine with a solid nap schedule and healthy sleep habits. She is not doing that at all and you are going to end up with a kid who is a bad napper, which will make life harder for everyone. If you are paying a decent rate, then you deserve someone who understands the job and is willing to do it.

[Anonymous]

The reason your nanny is staying out so long OP is because she knows you have the cameras in the home + she probably doesn't like the idea of being filmed, even w/her knowledge. I cannot say I blame her. It sounds like you hired her first, then put the cameras in AFTER she was hired which I think is unfair. Why would you put nanny cams in a few weeks after hiring someone??

Also, as a mother of children her age, trust me...When hiring a young nanny it is almost a given that they will be connected somehow. I know there will be some 20-somethings on here who will flame me for stereotyping and all, but from my own personal experience let me tell you in a nutshell, people in this age range think of their smart phones as an add'l body limb. I rest my case.

So not to berate you OP, but your two mistakes here were: A). Hiring a young nanny. A 23 yr. old will get bored all day w/a young baby and will resort to texting/Facebooking/Instagraming/etc. to avoid the boredom and isolation that caring for a young infant entails. and

B). Installing the cameras AFTER hiring the nanny. It is unfair to hire a nanny, then tell her after the fact that she will be filmed from now on. Just unfair.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she's at the library, rec center etc? Did she start going after the cameras? I'm wondering if she takes baby to her house to avoid the cameras. That doesn't mean she's doing it to hurt them just to avoid being watched

[Anonymous]

They put I cameras AFTER they realized she was spending a lot of time outside the house. Clearly the nanny doesn't care about the cameras since they noticed her on the phone so much. This nanny sounds like she doesn't have much infant experience or just doesn't care about establishing healthy habits. Neither is good. A good infant nanny would be able to have the child on a schedule and put the child to sleep in a crib, not the floor or stroller. Also, she seems to lack good judgement if she's keeping a young infant out of the house for so many hours now that flu season is here and the weather is bad. Besides, if she can't leave her phone alone until nap times than that clearly shows her immaturity. OP, I'd hire a real infant nanny who is able to start good habits. your nanny sounds like a young woman doing the bare minimum and is bored to the point she is putting her socialization above the child's needs. While she is not harming him, she is setting you up for bad habits instead of making your life easier by keeping routines.
If you insist on keeping her, I'd limit outing to two hours a day between naps until he is older, excessive phone use only during naps, and she must keep the baby on a schedule that includes sleeping in his bed. These are not outrageous requests and any experienced nanny would already be doing this.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Do not blame yourself for this because of the cameras.
Doesn't matter when they are installed a good nanny will not care because she will be doing her job no matter what.

I have worked in homes with cameras and it's not a big deal I know I'm doing as a should and if my employers need to watch then so be it.

The issue is this nanny as nice as she might be isn't cut out to work with infants.

Yes you can bring a 4 month old out but there is no reason for that outing to be 3 to 5 hours long multiple times a week.

The other issue is the phone she should be able to leave alone long enough to get the baby down for a proper crib nap, wash bottles, and take care of the baby's laundry before playing at the phone.

You haven't asked anything unreasonable.

Now it's possible she thinks you want her to be more active and she takes that to mean long outings, but that just shows her inexperience with infants.

OP , did she have nanny experience prior to this job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason your nanny is staying out so long OP is because she knows you have the cameras in the home + she probably doesn't like the idea of being filmed, even w/her knowledge. I cannot say I blame her. It sounds like you hired her first, then put the cameras in AFTER she was hired which I think is unfair. Why would you put nanny cams in a few weeks after hiring someone??

Also, as a mother of children her age, trust me...When hiring a young nanny it is almost a given that they will be connected somehow. I know there will be some 20-somethings on here who will flame me for stereotyping and all, but from my own personal experience let me tell you in a nutshell, people in this age range think of their smart phones as an add'l body limb. I rest my case.

So not to berate you OP, but your two mistakes here were: A). Hiring a young nanny. A 23 yr. old will get bored all day w/a young baby and will resort to texting/Facebooking/Instagraming/etc. to avoid the boredom and isolation that caring for a young infant entails. and

B). Installing the cameras AFTER hiring the nanny. It is unfair to hire a nanny, then tell her after the fact that she will be filmed from now on. Just unfair.

Stop it with the ageism crap please. All of us aren't like that, and there are those of us who aren't into technology at all. I am 24, my phone is a 5 year old non-smart phone, and the only person I'm texting at work is my boss, or my husband. We could just as easily stereotype all mothers of the same generation you are maligning as inept parents. See how stupid stereotypes are?