Experienced dad's and mom's I need your help

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to all the parents and nanny who have offered constructive advice and shared experiences. I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond. One clarification about the camera - we were upfront and told all candidates we were installing a camera and asked if they would be ok with that. We did not tell her or put it in after the fat but we did not get around to installing it until a couple of weeks ago due to technical issues. She took the job knowing the camera would be there.

[Anonymous]

Manny here. I would replace her and this is why: your child is young enough that it will not be a huge deal to transition to a different caregiver at this age. The baby will not even remember her after a few weeks with a new loving care giver. She has only been working for you a short Time and is already prioritizing herself (wanting to get errands done or visit with friends during those long outings, wanting to talk on the phone or text when at home) over what is best for the baby (establishing a solid nap routine, interacting with the baby and developmentally appropriate ways such as tummy time, infant massage, etc.). It doesn't really matter whether she is doing these things because she doesn't understand what is best for a baby or because she doesn't care enough about your baby to want what is best for him/her. What matters is that your baby deserves to have someone who is dedicated to providing the healthiest happiest and most nurturing childhood possible and who has the experience required to provide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Manny here. I would replace her and this is why: your child is young enough that it will not be a huge deal to transition to a different caregiver at this age. The baby will not even remember her after a few weeks with a new loving care giver. She has only been working for you a short Time and is already prioritizing herself (wanting to get errands done or visit with friends during those long outings, wanting to talk on the phone or text when at home) over what is best for the baby (establishing a solid nap routine, interacting with the baby and developmentally appropriate ways such as tummy time, infant massage, etc.). It doesn't really matter whether she is doing these things because she doesn't understand what is best for a baby or because she doesn't care enough about your baby to want what is best for him/her. What matters is that your baby deserves to have someone who is dedicated to providing the healthiest happiest and most nurturing childhood possible and who has the experience required to provide it.

I meant "nanny" not "Manny"

[Anonymous]

Experienced mom and nanny here.
I think you should consider letting her go too.
Not so much because of outings and schedules it's not the worst thing to have a baby or child that will sleep anywhere.

I think you should consider letting her go because she has no respect for your wishes.

You say you have talked to her about these issues before, and she still continues to do as she pleases, and she knows she's being watched.

She is being out right defiant.

The long trips are symptoms of her defiance as well.
She's making a power play.

You can work with a nanny who is a little inexperienced but who is willing to learn and follow your wishes.

What you do not want is someone who's headstrong and ignores what you want for your child.

Think about it if she's like this a month into the job imagine how it will be down the road!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a first time working mother. Our nanny has been with us for about a month. We offer competative pay, vacation, benefits etc... Our nanny seems very sweet but is young (23). Her English is good. We thought things were going well but recetnly discovered she is out at the library, play dates, rec center etc... for 3-5 hours a day. That seems like a lot for a 4 month old. Can you share your expereiences? We also installed a nanny cam last week (which she knows about). She seems to talk on the phone and text alot. I watched what was going on at home today and she was onthe phone off and on for an hour straight. Despite being asked to put the baby in the cirb for naps she lets the baby like on the activity mat. I have discussed some of these issuses with her (not the pohone because I just found out about that) and when I bring things up she tends to be defensive. My gut is saying she is not doing her job. Am I right or am I expecting too much? Please try not to be sarcastic or critical in respondin to this post -- I am guiniely asking for help and opinions. Thanks.

we had this issue with our nanny. she was socializing with her own friends (sometimes nannies) or doing paid side jobs, shlepping my kid along. . My kid was missing his naps, meals and sometimes gym classes.

we gave a schedule to the nanny again, reiterated that our kid was the priority - not someone else, had a nursery drop cam that we said we'd check at nap time, and considered this all a Warning. Put whatever else you want in writing, like her job contract. if things get worse, show her the sheets and ask her if she wants to do this job (wave the sheet) or find another job.

the situation improved for us. good luck, go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason your nanny is staying out so long OP is because she knows you have the cameras in the home + she probably doesn't like the idea of being filmed, even w/her knowledge. I cannot say I blame her. It sounds like you hired her first, then put the cameras in AFTER she was hired which I think is unfair. Why would you put nanny cams in a few weeks after hiring someone??

Also, as a mother of children her age, trust me...When hiring a young nanny it is almost a given that they will be connected somehow. I know there will be some 20-somethings on here who will flame me for stereotyping and all, but from my own personal experience let me tell you in a nutshell, people in this age range think of their smart phones as an add'l body limb. I rest my case.

So not to berate you OP, but your two mistakes here were: A). Hiring a young nanny. A 23 yr. old will get bored all day w/a young baby and will resort to texting/Facebooking/Instagraming/etc. to avoid the boredom and isolation that caring for a young infant entails. and

B). Installing the cameras AFTER hiring the nanny. It is unfair to hire a nanny, then tell her after the fact that she will be filmed from now on. Just unfair.

Stop it with the ageism crap please. All of us aren't like that, and there are those of us who aren't into technology at all. I am 24, my phone is a 5 year old non-smart phone, and the only person I'm texting at work is my boss, or my husband. We could just as easily stereotype all mothers of the same generation you are maligning as inept parents. See how stupid stereotypes are?

Sorry, I stand by my original statements.

Each and every stereotype will always have an exception to its own rule as I am sure you very well know. And you may be one of the exceptions to the one I was referring to.

However, I still believe in all honesty that most younger nannies in comparison to older nannies, are more attached to their smart phones. They were raised in a more technological time period where an older nanny was not. So for the younger nannies it is more difficult for them to imagine going about their daily lives w/out having their cell phones clipped on their hips. They feel this insane need to be constantly connected and reachable by their peers whereas older nannies have years behind them where there weren't cell phones and they remembered surviving just fine w/out them.