Tips for "quiet time" for 2.5 year old...

[Anonymous]

We've given up on naps, he hasn't taken one since he was 19 months old. [There is a long explanation for that which I'd prefer not to go into, but I did everything I could to keep him napping and his mom is the one who wanted to give them up.] I think it's important for him to get in some quiet time, mostly for my sanity, but also I think it would be good for him, too. The biggest issue is that he will just scream the whole time. Not crying, just like shouting, singing at the top of his lungs, etc. The ENTIRE time. I almost wouldn't mind except his mom works from home and her home office is right next to his room, so I know it bugs her. Also I have to spend the ENTIRE time sitting on a chair in the hallway outside his room (and adjacent to MBs home office) because he is able to get out of his room and also open the baby gate on the steps himself, and his mom is afraid he will fall down the stairs if I'm not there to watch him like a hawk, so I can't get anything done, not even a trip to the bathroom or going to get a drink of water.

It sucks for me because it's the closest thing I get to a break in my 9 hour day, and he is a super high energy kid so I really need some type of a break. It sucks for his mom because I know it impacts her work. And it sucks for him because despite what he may think, I KNOW he needs some rest. He is always yawning all day long, acts super hyper and out of control (over tired), and I know he doesn't sleep well at night either.

I've tried to give him rewards for being quiet at quiet time. Small sweet treats, or even special outings as incentive, but that hasn't helped. I've tried negative consequences, such as taking away a favorite toy for the rest of the day, etc, but that doesn't work either. I've tried to stay in his room (facing away from him, not engaging in conversation, just quietly knitting in the dark), so that I can immediately respond when he starts being loud, but that didn't get anywhere. I tried the approach that every time he was too loud I would add two minutes on to quiet time, but that didn't help at all (it just dragged things out twice as long).

There might not be a solution, but I just had to ask, I'm at my wits end with this child.

[Anonymous]

Wonder if watching a fairly boring video would help, as he sits in your lap and snuggles with his favorite blanket? Also, I might try to have him go down later than a typical nap - like at 2:00 - because he might not be tired enough to settle down when he's down earlier, at 1pm. That is actually counter-intuitive to typical sleep suggestions, which say that if a child is yawning, he's OVER tired and should have been put to sleep much earlier. So you either try putting him to sleep at 12noon, or 2 or 2:30pm, and I doubt any 21/2 yr old needs to go down at 12noon, unless he's been up since 3am continuously. (He's not been, right??? Please god!)

I'm sure you've tried putting him down and rubbing his back - he's in a crib still? If he's in a bed, then perhaps you have him lie and you read (in a very monotonous tone, do NOT use all those fabulous voices you normally do) a very.long.and.involved.book. He might be soothed to sleep by this - you are there, he's not fighting the nap, and your monotonous voice reading a book (not showing him the pictures of course). Try that Madeline book with the girls all lined up in rows - that'll put me to sleep, LOL (I know, that's every other woman's favorite book but I can actually read that book and NOT LISTEN to myself read it - no lie, I get to the end and I have no idea what I just read.

Perhaps those long and horrible Curious George books, that go on and on. Or Babar - also goes on for freakin' forever. (opinonated much? LOL)

I hear you, because it's frustrating, but perhaps you just give up the ghost, because all it's really doing is frustrating you and he's not really getting any rest if he's bellowing and singing. I'd do the video as the last resort because watching tv can also jazz a super active child up. And make sure it's not a singalong or active video.

Also, how's the morning routine? Do you go outside for at least 1 hour, no matter what the weather (except for pouring rain?) And I'm serious, he needs to go out and RUN RUN RUN and gets lot of exercise, not sit nicely in a stroller for an hour or so. Walk to a playground, play for an hour, then walk back. Uphill both ways. (think of this as your exercise, chase him until you are both winded). Then come back at 11:30am, read a book or two, then have a nice quiet lunch at 12pm with quiet music playing in the background, then do a quieter activity (puzzles, table toys with legos or markers or playdough - sensory things are great for active kids to help them get centered) and then at 2pm go to his room and read your nice boring (in a boring voice) book. And that will get him 1 hour, tops. It won't be a break for you but you won't be frustrated. And then when he comes downstairs and has a snack, then he can sit quietly and look through books whlie you take a little break - you're not reading to him, he can sit and page through books for 15 minutes.

And at his age, he ought to be able to play in the livingroom for a few minutes without destroying the house while you go to the bathroom.

Then by 4pm, back outside for 1 more hour of outside time before it gets dark at 5pm - in his backyard this time if he has one, otherwise you can go for a walk in the neighborhood (uphill both ways).

Good luck. I think I'd just roll with it and get over it, I know he needs to rest but I'd just do the reading with him vs trying to get him to rest, because he's just not gonna. And you're going to be so frustrated!

[Anonymous]

What is he supposed to be doing during this quiet time?

How long is it?

Stop the rewards and taking away toys.

Make sure he is fed.

In the mornings wear him out.

I used to have a high energy toddler and after lunch and getting her big brother on the bus we would walk around the neighborhood ( no stroller for her) run around the yard etc.In cold weather we ran in place did jumping jacks or went to an indoor play gym.

Then read stories quiet stories.

Tell him it is quiet time at quiet time we do not scream etc.

If he is supposed to stay in his bed get him some soft music to listen to .
When the music stops he can get up.

If he talks remind him verbally once it is quiet time.

The hard part do not respond to further screams verbally or with eye contact.

If he gets out of bed no talking back in bed.
Remain calm.
Also important be consistent with rest time same time every day and I would move the time to 15 to 30 minutes before you usually put him to bed it seems part of the issue is he is over tired

[Anonymous]

Now if he isn't supposed to be in bed.

Have a basket of quiet time toys and activities for him to use at that time and let him have at it.

[Anonymous]

Put a CD on in his room, tell him he has to lay quietly while it plays but he can get up when it stops. Maybe practice on the couch with him a raw times first so he understands the concept. Start with short CD' s then find something that is an hour.

[Anonymous]

Few not raw......dam kindle.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the suggestions. I do take him outside every morning to attempt to get out his energy, rain or shine. We also go to an indoor playground on days it's too yucky outside to play at the outdoor ones (but I still also take him for short walks outside even if the weather is bad, in addition to the playground). Unfortunately it's difficult to get him to actually run around at the playground outside, he isn't interested in playing with balls at all (he'll kick or throw one time and immediately lose all interest). I try to get him to engage in active play like pretending to be a flying plane or train chugging up and down a hill, or a kangaroo jumping, etc, but again, he loses interest after thirty seconds or less every time. It is almost always me running around and jumping, and he just stands and watches. The most frustrating part is that he is always running and jumping in his house (on their loud, hundred year old hardwood floors), but the second I take him to the park he stops and no matter what I do will not run or jump, but the second we get back home he's running and jumping all over again. I will say that he climbs up the slide and will do that a few times at least, but it's not the same as really running around :/

Back when he used to nap he always went down around 2 or 2:30pm, so I've kept quiet time about the same. Recently, I've tried doing it earlier (as early as 12:45pm), and slightly later (2:45/3), but the timing seems to make no difference. I also always make sure he has a tummy full of food and a small cup of milk at quiet time.

Quiet time is supposed to be 45 minutes, but usually ends up just being 30 or so. (I did a little research on the subject of quiet time for non napping two year olds and read that one hour was a common timeframe; I was hoping to work up to an hour). He is supposed to stay in his big boy bed, laying down, ideally, quiet (not yelling). I always make sure he's super cozy in comfy warm clothes, and cover him with blankets, and give him his favorite stuffed animals. I've offered giving him books to look at in bed but he's made it clear that he doesn't like that idea.

I like the suggestion for slow, monotone, boring book reading. I also like the idea to read to him in bed (our routine has always been for him to read in my lap but now I see why that's not ideal). I like the idea that quiet time is over "when the cd stops," he doesn't have a CD player but he does have an iPod and dock so I can probably make a short playlist on it for quiet time. His mom doesn't like him watching videos, I think he does it so rarely it would just amp him up more to get to watch one (and of course I don't want to piss off MB).

One big issue is that he doesn't seem to be able to control himself at all. I mean, he's two and a half, I get that they don't have much self control, but he seems to have less than most. Today, after listening to him yell and shout and jump in his bed for 25 minutes (I gave him two warnings that he was being too loud but he didn't quiet down at all, so I gave up, as usual), I went in and told him that quiet time could end if he could just lay in bed and be quiet (which I defined as no talking louder than a whisper, and, once again, practiced whispering with him) for two minutes. Again, I made it very clear that ALL he had to do was lay down and be quiet for two minutes. He acknowledged that, but then less than ten seconds later began singing very loudly, again. I gave him several chances, but time and again he proved that he literally cannot quiet himself down for even ten seconds.

As his long term nanny, I find it frustrating that looking back over the last year, he seems to have LESS self control now than he did a year ago. Up until a few weeks ago, for the last few months, although he would sometimes be loud at quiet time, he seemed to do a pretty good job of at least trying to be quiet, for the most part. The past 3-4 weeks have brought nothing but nonstop yelling at quiet time. I was hoping it was a brief phase, but clearly he will not stop unless things change. In any case I will definitely try the suggestions (monotone boring book reading in bed, iPod playlist, etc).

Thanks again everyone I appreciate your help.

[Anonymous]

.He is being a typical 2.5 year old and exploring boundaries. Right now he is engaging you in battle and winning.The screaming and jumping all get reaction s from you and it's playtime.

Sometimes with naps less is more.

Settle him down

Read one or two relaxing stories
Remind him of expectations
Music on
No more talking. Sit in the room with him make but do not acknowledge him. It will be hard, but he is feeding off your reaction. To the scream. If he gets out of bed put him straight in no talking .

Keep your attitude even do not show any frustration or emotion.

If he has a great rest time praise him verbally.

Whatever you choose you have to stick to it. These things take time and frequently changing things around set things back.

[Anonymous]

Wanted to add maybe try for a 1 :00pm start time. meaning lights out music on at this time..
Ideally books and cuddles should be no more than 15 minutes so start that at 12:45
If you can dim the lights for books and cuddles.
With lunch and clean up before.
But whatever time you pick keep it this will allow his body to get on an internal clock for resting.

[Anonymous]

He may be aware that MB is near by and that her attention is diverted to him even if she can not come play with him. Perhaps try introducing him to a sport he enjoys. For example, if he is into ninjas then practice practice ninja kicks, jumping over small toys, etc. At the end of the day he can show mom how high he can kick and jump.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't play at the park then I'd take the stroller away and he'd walk everywhere. He'll get plenty of exercise by walking even if he won't run at the playground.

[Anonymous]

To the last poster, we haven't used a stroller at all in over six months, he walks everywhere. I've tried implementing the plan the last two days, with disappointing results. Both times he was laid in bed, all cozy, and read to, in a slow and monotonous voice, with the lights dimmed. Both times he seemed to be getting close to falling asleep: yawning a lot, droopy eyelids, etc. but both times, even though I dragged the reading out as long as I could (with two lengthy books it lasted about 30 minutes), he still didn't fall asleep and went right back to jumping in his bed and yelling as soon as I left the room. I also dragged him to the playground in 30 degree weather and made him go up and down the slide many many times (and did my best to get him to run around and jump, too) for a couple hours both mornings.p

I know it's silly to expect any miracles right away but even just a slight improvement would be encouraging.

I feel like giving up on this kid, honestly, his mom feeds him too much sugar and refined carbs (I don't when Im here, and I've asked her about it before and she insists she doesn't but I know that she does because he calls the "cinnamon flakes" with 16g of sugar per serving "his cereal" and is always asking for cookies and chocolate, and they go through a big box of cheddar bunnies every week even though I never let him have any, and his mom makes him waffles for breakfast most mornings).

Thanks again for the tips, they were helpful but I'm afraid it's a lost cause for this one.

[Anonymous]

OP, would it be possible to let him have his crazy time? Maybe the fact that he has power over you with his behavior is what makes it rewarding. Does MB take a lunch hour? Why not leave him in the room, close the door, and let him jump to his hearts content? I know it sounds counter intuitive but maybe that's the one avenue you have not tried.

No matter what you do I think it has come time to talk to mom. Let her know you are vigilant about her need for quiet during work hours. Ask her what strategies she has tried (...with success). It's worth mentioning that DC is uninterested/lethargic at the park. Maybe there is something else going on (separation anxiety comes to mind).

If DC really has a hyper active personality, then try not to internalize that fact. And remember that you are part of a team, the whole team needs to come together to meet DC's needs, not just you. It may be that this is the kid you have, even if it isn't the one everyone wishes they had. Maybe MB has a rowdy, hyper active, captain destructo who really needs space to be himself. Maybe WAH just is not the right fit for their family.

[Anonymous]

Thanks again for the support. MB doesn't seem to take a lunch break, she's in her office the entire day, typing away (although I've peeked in a few times to ask a question, etc, and half the time she seems to be working and the other half she's online shopping). She used to leave the house on occasion but hasn't left during my shift in months now (possibly due to the cold weather??). I've spoken to her about his behavior issues, I've spoken to her about trying to keep him on a quiet time schedule when I'm not there, I've spoken to her about the issues I'm facing with him with quiet time. She just says "i think it's normal two year old behavior" "keeping him on a schedule is too difficult "yes, quiet time is tricky, that's why i usually don't bother with it..."

There are other issues with DC. Mostly related to hyperactivity but also lack of self control. We go to a music class every week. He has a "crush" on a girl there. She's his age but he's twice her size. He goes up to her, in the middle of a song when she's trying to dance, and will give her a big, squeeZing way too tight hug, and proceed to kiss her. She's struggling to get away the whole time. We've spoken about it many times (I've tried to redirect him to ask for a high five from her instead, I've told him he has to ask permission before hugging or kissing, I've threatened to leave music class early, I've put him in time out, etc). But he doesn't listen and this is a continual problem. At the last music class i said "if you hug or kiss her once more we're leaving immediately" he went over to her and licked her instead! *facepalm*

Clearly between the unsupportive work at home MB and her hyperactive child, I'm starting to feel it's time to move on.

[Anonymous]

I agree this isn't a good for you.

He doesn't sound particularly hyperactive either.


I agree with your MB he sounds like a typical 2 or 2.5 year old.

The issues you are having is you are using behaviour modification and discipline techniques appropriate for a child at a higher developmental level than your 2 year old charge.

You cannot expect him to have a great amount of self control he is not at that stage yet. He is still at the level of I think it I see it I do it.

You have to be proactive in actions not just words.

Why are you allowing him to run from you at music and squeeze the girl?

It's not the child here.
Maybe MB is difficult, but you seem I'll prepared to handle a toddler.