Nanny quit by text, no notice after 1.5 years

[Anonymous]

I employed a part time nanny, steadily for 1.5 years . We adored her, thought she adored us, and are completely shocked and livid that she sent a text message without any explanation saying she was done . She had been at our home that day and seemed perfectly fine to my husband and I. The text was sent 1 hour after she left our home . it was kind of a cryptic text , saying she was sorry for short notice but gave no reason except " something happened" and she was an emotional wreck . It could be interpreted as something happened in her personal life or something happened at our home . I immediately called Her and left a voicemail with my concern for her and asking for clarity on what we did, if anything. No response , just a brief text saying " I can't work anymore ."
Fwiw, she is 20 and has classes on opposite days and I happily rearranged my work schedule around Her classes so she could continue working next semester for us ( pick classes early November where she goes for next term). I had just given Her $100 for her birthday , paid a sick day I did not have to per our contract . I feel really hurt and used. Not a mention of my children in her text. My kids are too young for any feedback on what happened ( 2 and 3)
Is this normal ? I know I need to just let it go , she will not respond, but I am still reeling over this .

[Anonymous]

Op here, she also said she didn't like awkward situations and didn't feel communication was good, but I can't figure out if that was her reason for quitting or reason for not doing it in person or over the phone. Fwiw, we have had her boyfriend and her over for dinner , met her out for lunch , met with her parents so I can't see how would relate to quitting by text without notice

[Anonymous]

No this is not normal OP.

I am a nanny myself and have done this on a few occasions.

I know it is unprofessional and unfair, but I have been in a few situations where I just had to get out immediately. In one case, my boss yelled at me in front of my charge and one of her friends in the home + I felt humiliated and belittled so much that I couldn't go back. Another boss accused me of possibly doing something neglectful to a baby just because the baby started crying when she left the room, so she assumed I had done something to her. Those types of things are totally unacceptable deal-breakers for me and I had to break it off immediately with those families.

Thankfully those types of families have been far and few between. The majority of my nanny families have been awesome to work for and have treated me w/the utmost respect and love. I have been w/my current family 1.5 yrs. and would never just walk out on them.

Can you think long and hard if perhaps there was anything that could have happened that may have caused your nanny to feel bad today? Try to put yourself in her shoes and look at things from her perspective. This may help you figure things out. If possible, perhaps you can talk things out w/her. If not, at least going forward looking for a new nanny, at least you will have a good idea what not to do next time.

Sorry OP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I don't know where to start.
Maybe it all comes down to immaturity?

I can't say this is normal, but I wouldn't put to much energy into it. It's clear she does not want to discuss this which is unfortunate.

Sorry you have to deal with this, and I hope you can find a good nanny soon.

Maybe in this is totally my internet opinion ,but maybe in the future it would be best to keep things more professional and less personal.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP, OP here. We are absolutely scratching our heads trying to figure out what , if anything happened . I saw her for 10 minutes before work and my husband saw her for 10 minutes after. She was completely normal , said the kids were great, was casually asking my husband about Her cable options ( he's in IT) and then , the text 1 hour later .
I am so sorry for your experiences and appreciate you writing

[Anonymous]

17:04, OP hee, thank you , I agree we need to keep things more professional . Lesson learned . i am just struggling with trying to interpret if we did anything wrong

[Anonymous]

PP you may have done nothing wrong.

She may have found a different job or is moving with her boyfriend etc, and just doesn't have the maturity or professional skills to end the relationship correctly.
It may not be you.
While all those things PP mentioned are inappropriate the professional thing is to say I am leaving because of...

Healthy adult communication is vital for a nanny/ employer relationship

I suppose you can leave her a message asking her to explain you would like the opportunity to correct things blah blah.
If she doesn't respond then there's not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing she's pregnant and bf didn't respond well. She's 20. This is about her, almost definitely. Maybe she will contact you in a few days with more information.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I called and left a voicemail and sent a text asking for a reason ( in a nice, calm way) without response .
I am thinking that is all I should do? I do not owe her any more money

[Anonymous]

It might have nothing to do with you op. I wouldn't contact her again. I've only left 1 job through text message and it was because my db who was extremely abusive towards me held me against my will in his house ( live in nanny ) I packed my things loaded the car after he left for work then dropped the kids off at school and sent him a text that I quit.

[Anonymous]

So unprofessional. I would chalk it up to her being young and inexperienced. Maybe next time consider hiring a slightly older nanny, who will take things more seriously and act in a professional manner.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I called and left a voicemail and sent a text asking for a reason ( in a nice, calm way) without response .
I am thinking that is all I should do? I do not owe her any more money

This is all you can do. If she wants to talk to you she will.

I only it hurts because you seems you had a very friendly relationship.

I hope you are about to find a good nanny soon.

[Anonymous]

I think there is something massively wrong in her personal life and she just can't deal. Perhaps a death in her family, or someone has cancer, or her boyfriend is a real jerk, or whatever. But I'd stop going through everything you've ever said to her searching for where you went wrong. I know that's hard, because some people (and I'd include myself in this) tend to do that when we are in a relationship and something goes wrong.

Good luck searching for a new nanny!

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing it has nothing to do with you.

Not professional at all but who knows what happened.