MB refusing to give me a reference because I am leaving job, help?

[Anonymous]

I took an 8 week temporary position with the end date being Dec. 12. The position was temporary based could develop into a permanent relationship. DB company decided to keep him stationed here and my MB gave me to be long term. There was just one problem - I don't like the family. I told MB that I am looking for a better fit but will honor my commitment to stay through December 12. There were many reasons why but off the top

- They are constantly late coming home and have under compensated me numerous times.
- MB shot down any all of my opinions or knowledge on subjects. I could never do anything right.
- Oh, yeah. Her husband gives me the creeps. Constantly checking me out because he works exclusively from home.


A few more but won't divulge anymore. My problem is whether I list this job on my résumé or don't. If I do, I can try to explain away that they weren't a good fit and I left. MB is refusing to give me a good reference. If I say I took personal time then I will have a 3 month work gap. I would like to include this work on my resume but can't provide a reference for obvious reasons. MB is very bitter and spiteful. I've never been in this position..I don't know how to handle it. Thankfully I have plenty experience and excellent references from former families. I don't really need this reference but would have liked to have it. What would you nannies do?

[Anonymous]

Looks like getting a reference letter isn't the only thing you need from them..

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/302421.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like getting a reference letter isn't the only thing you need from them..

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/302421.page

Sorry but that isn't my employer. We live in NY and she doesn't know about this site, I think. I haven't missed any days like the other person nanny so it can't be my MB.

[Anonymous]

I would leave it off but be honest that it was not a good fit, supposed to be temporary and you choose to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would leave it off but be honest that it was not a good fit, supposed to be temporary and you choose to quit.

So leave it off my résumé but tell families I worked during this time but it wasnt a good match and I decided to pursue other families after the end date? Would they ask for a reference from them?

[Anonymous]

Sure put it on and say it was a temp job. Only give out your good references though. Or don't use it a 3 month gap is not that big in the long run. I've had gaps of up to 6 months no one cared.

[Anonymous]

MB here. I would put it on your resume and just say that it was a temporary position.

If a potential employer asks if they can speak with your current/temporary employer you can tell them a careful version of the truth - that you had made them an 8 week commitment, but when their circumstances changed they offered you a permanent postiion. The fit wasn't right for you but the employer was unhappy that you declined. Then practice that answer leading directly into something positive you can say about what will be the right fit for you and what you see potentially in the position for which you're employing.

Assuming you have other good references from long-term positions I wouldn't be scared away by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I would put it on your resume and just say that it was a temporary position.

If a potential employer asks if they can speak with your current/temporary employer you can tell them a careful version of the truth - that you had made them an 8 week commitment, but when their circumstances changed they offered you a permanent postiion. The fit wasn't right for you but the employer was unhappy that you declined. Then practice that answer leading directly into something positive you can say about what will be the right fit for you and what you see potentially in the position for which you're employing.

Assuming you have other good references from long-term positions I wouldn't be scared away by this.

Thank you! I was thinking of doing exactly that. I was going to tell prospective employers that I honored my commitment but they weren't a good fit for me, so I'm looking for a family who is a better fit, etc. Luckily I have worked for great nanny families and they all have given me great references. Plus, 8 weeks isn't very long and most don't use references for positions under 3 months.

[Anonymous]

There have been several times where my resume has had either very short term or very part time work on it. I never give these families out as references because they simply don't know me as well as my longer term jobs with more hours do. Families have never seemed to have a problem with me giving them references that aren't the absolute most recent, as long as I am in fact giving references.

[Anonymous]

MB here: I am only interested in short-term references if you don't have any long term ones, anyway.

I do want to call references, but it's a time consuming process what with leaving messages, waiting for call backs, finding a good time to talk ... So, I'm always going to prioritize the long term people you had a relationship with, and only call short term references if there's a real reason to (such as, your only newborn experience was a short term job, and I'm pregnant, or you only have one long term job, or your short term job was full time, and all your long term ones were part time -- those kinds of things).