What would you do?
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Anonymous
| I'm going back to work full-time after being a SAHM for awhile. We found a great nanny and she was scheduled to start on Nov. 17. She is relocating to the area--she currently lives about 2 hours away--and planned to stay with her fiancé when she first arrived. This is where things have spiraled out of control. She is unable to stay with her fiancé longer than 3 days (per landlord) and can't find any open apartments until after Thanksgiving. We offered that she could stay with us but her old employer is giving her a hard time about her notice (not a nanny job). So, now she doesn't want to start until early December. We do not live near family and had hoped my MIL could come and help with the kids. Unfortunately she can't come until the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Plus, I have my first business trip from Dec 1-3. My husband and I have been coming up with all these wacky care plans just to hold the job for this nanny and are wondering what we should do. I really think she would do a good job but also don't want to add additional chaos for the kids and myself. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Anyone who can't get their life in order enough to start a new job or find a place to live has no business being a nanny. If you wait for her she will make your life hell. |
Anonymous
| Unfortunately I think you need to find a different nanny. She hasn't even started yet but already she's asking for various concessions. They may not be her fault but if she is a responsible adult she should figure out a solution that doesn't impact you, or she needs to accept that you will have to find someone else for the job. Imagine if you tried to do this with your new job. How well do you think that would go over? |
Anonymous
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I agree that you should cut your losses and hire someone else. You need reliable care this month, and you need to know that you're hiring someone who can manage their own life well/calmly enough that they will be a responsible and reliable employee.
I ABSOLUTELY would not bring her into your house as a guest or make other extraordinary accommodations for her. You want this relationship to start professionally, with appropriate work/life boundaries for everyone. Having a nanny to care for your children is an incredibly personal relationship on all sides, so it's tough to keep the business side of it professional. Don't undermine that before she's even started. (And you also don't want someone staying in your home who is unproven. It might turn out that she's flighty, or a drama queen, or always surrounded by chaos, or just not the right fit for your family after all, or whatever.... If she's living in your house in any way that makes the whole thing much harder.) Trust your instincts. If this potential nanny is already a source of stress and anxiety and you envision her adding possible further "chaos for the kids and myself" then I think you know what you need to do. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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It's hard to say not knowing how good of a fit the nanny is for your family. Have you met her in person yet?
Seems very odd the landlord will only let her stay for 3 days. I've never heard of a limit like that. |
Anonymous
Bingo!! |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you. |
Anonymous
Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I work in real estate and although I don't do landlord-tenant law people will sometimes ask me to review a lease for them. It's common to have a clause about overnight guests who are not rent-payers. This woman's mistake was in asking the landlord. Basically noone ever does that. Everyone just quietly lets their friend crash at their place for a month while moving or recuperating from a surgery or whatever the case may be without actually asking their landlord. |
Anonymous
+1000 More blunt than I would have said it, but I couldn't agree more. |
Anonymous
| I think you have to tell her you can't hold the job. She sounds young and like she expects other people to solve her problems. If December 1 rolls around and you still don't have anyone, call her up and interview her again. |
Anonymous
I never said it wasn't true, or if there is no such law. I said I've never heard of that before. Everywhere I've lived has allowed guests to stay about a week. Even then, the conflict usually arises only when a car (and parking) is involved. You don't have to jump on my case because I pointed out something odd in the nanny's excuse. I also find it odd that first it was the living situation that was causing the problem, then it was the current job. She seems flaky. |
Anonymous
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My gut instinct as well as yours says this is starting out on the wrong foot.
Go w/it and kindly let her know you have no other option at this point but to seek another nanny. You got lucky in the long run by dodging a bullet. A very flaky and immature one at that. |
Anonymous
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Yup, there are more nannies out there, interview and hire someone else. Seriously, if she could organize her life she'd have organized it better - if you keep her you'll find that there are 1,001 reasons why she can't work a full week and a full month.
Seriously, don't think she is the only nanny for you! Dont' make that mistake. |
Anonymous
| OP here. We let her know on Monday and have already had good luck with a couple of candidates (thank goodness). I was relieved by everyone's reality check and knew exactly what we needed to do. Thanks again. |
Anonymous
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Good for you OP. The odds of you having dodged a bullet are pretty high.
GOod luck! |