Nanny share challenge with other baby

[Anonymous]

We found a family to do a nanny-share with and hired a nanny together. My DD is 9 months, the other family's is 4 months. We started 6 weeks early with just our DD, while the other mom was finishing maternity leave. It was wonderful and we were spoiled...
Now the 2nd DD has started, and cries a LOT. Like non-stop. So the nanny is having to spend all of her time catering to the other baby and I'm worried that my DD is not getting much attention. Our nanny is fabulous and trying her best, but there is only so much she can do at one time. I work from home also, so I hear this baby crying all the time which is a) distracting and b) tough because I'm going up to try and help out with my DD but I need to be working.

Does anyone have experience with this? Does it get better? How long? I really like the other family and the nanny, but ultimately want what's best for my child.

[Anonymous]

Well to be honest ... being in a nanny share means your child will have less attention. What did you expect? When did the other child start? Maybe he is just adjusting. Maybe it would be better if the share were not at your house

[Anonymous]

A nanny share means sharing time and attention
Newborns which the other infant in the share is require tons of attention especially if it is a high needs baby.



Lastly, why are you going up to help so often? Does the nanny need your help?
If so you may just need a nanny with multiple infant experience or and I mean this as kindly as I can you need to step back. Or go solo as far as having a nanny goes.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others. You are sharing time with another child by doing a share. But it's still more attention provided than a daycare since its a smaller ratio. The baby will eventually adjust and your daughter will grow up to be patient. If you have a good nanny than you child isn't being deprived, besides she will have all your attention after work. I've done mulitple shares with that age difference and my current share if 3years, the children are best friends.

[Anonymous]

Does the share have to be at your home? I feel for your nanny. When the parent is working at home and a baby is crying, it's very stressful for the nanny!

Maybe she should try getting them out for more walks?
How long has she had both babies? It takes time to adjust.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It has not been that long, just a week or so. I think our nanny is capable and I step not because she can't handle it, but because I worry and just want to help out. So perhaps it would be better if I was gone from the house so the nanny doesn't feel like I am monitoring her and I can get some quiet.

And yes I knew a nanny share would mean sharing attention and I'm fine with that, I guess I just hope that it can be closer to a 50/50 split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It has not been that long, just a week or so. I think our nanny is capable and I step not because she can't handle it, but because I worry and just want to help out. So perhaps it would be better if I was gone from the house so the nanny doesn't feel like I am monitoring her and I can get some quiet.

And yes I knew a nanny share would mean sharing attention and I'm fine with that, I guess I just hope that it can be closer to a 50/50 split.

this is super contradictory, you worry that she can't handle it. If I had a parent constantly stepping in and making me feel like she didn't trust me to do my job competently, I would be looking for another job.

[Anonymous]

So it has only been a little over a week this is still an adjustment period.
I'm sure your nanny will work out a good flow.
I still think you need to take a step back. You may mean well but you are actually slowing down the transition process by constantly running into help.

[Anonymous]

Is there any way that the nanny can care for the babies in either her home or in the other family's home? That way you won't be so distracted because honestly, it is only natural that you will feel like you need to offer some assistance when you hear all the crying. Any human being would.

Also, being that this is a nanny SHARE, your child automatically will not get the one-on-one attention that having a nanny would give her. That is why you are paying less for childcare.

If individualized attention is a huge factor for you, then perhaps a nanny share is not the best choice for you at this time. Because caring for two young children of this age is very time consuming and it is just literally impossible for either of the children to get the personal attention that they need.

[Anonymous]

4 and 9 months is a huge age gap in infants. Look back when your Fd was 4 months she required more attention than she does at 9 months. Also the new baby is getting used to a nanny and a new house. I'd give it time and as the younger baby gets older, more mobile, used to new surroundings and people things should settle. Does the new baby have colic? If so that could be the reason for the crying and they will outgrow it

[Anonymous]

if it's only been a week, you are reacting way too strongly. first, leave the nanny alone. if you hear your child crying I'm sorry, but your nanny is competent (I assume) and you need to let her do her job. if that is too much for you, talk to the other family about going to their house instead. you will only create problems if you are constantly running interference -- you need to let your baby learn how to be in a share as well as how to bond with the nanny. two, it has only been a week and the other child is 4 months old. give him some credit. he's with a brand new person in a brand new environment and isn't being held all the time. if you can't handle the adjustment period (generally a week or two), you seriously need to reconsider this nanny share. you already sound like a stressful MB

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the tough love, probably what I needed. The last thing I want to do is be a difficult MB and stress out the nanny. I think I'll plan to be out of the house more and let them work it out. Or put a sound machine in my office to drown out the noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the tough love, probably what I needed. The last thing I want to do is be a difficult MB and stress out the nanny. I think I'll plan to be out of the house more and let them work it out. Or put a sound machine in my office to drown out the noise.

Glad you're being reasonable OP (so many aren't!). Is there a reason the other family can't host the share? Are they WAH too? Nannying with a WAH parent is difficult in any situation, but in a share it's even more difficult when trying to balance the needs of the two children. And it sounds like it'd be distracting for your work productivity as well. So letting the other family host may be a good option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the tough love, probably what I needed. The last thing I want to do is be a difficult MB and stress out the nanny. I think I'll plan to be out of the house more and let them work it out. Or put a sound machine in my office to drown out the noise.

I think that's a good plan OP. Also, you might just talk about this very directly with the nanny. Give her a chance to say "it's ok - this is normal, I've got it." Let her know that you're aware that you might be "first time mothering" a bit and you want to avoid that, but you also want to know when/if the share situation isn't working for everyone - including the nanny.

If you can establish that kind of open, positive communication this early on with your nanny it will pay off so much in the long run.

MB

[Anonymous]

Op, how long is your baby crying? If its 10 minutes or at nap time then that would be normal. If its for an hour when she has been fed and is jot tired or I'll then you may be right to worry that the nanny share has become too one sided.