Nanny share challenge with other baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the tough love, probably what I needed. The last thing I want to do is be a difficult MB and stress out the nanny. I think I'll plan to be out of the house more and let them work it out. Or put a sound machine in my office to drown out the noise.

I think that's a good plan OP. Also, you might just talk about this very directly with the nanny. Give her a chance to say "it's ok - this is normal, I've got it." Let her know that you're aware that you might be "first time mothering" a bit and you want to avoid that, but you also want to know when/if the share situation isn't working for everyone - including the nanny.

If you can establish that kind of open, positive communication this early on with your nanny it will pay off so much in the long run.

MB

This is a great post. I am a nanny (not of shares, but several sets of twins) with a lot of experience with WAH parents and this kind of dynamic is really crucial to your long-term success. Be up front with the nanny about the problem for you: 1) you didn't expect this much crying and wonder if it is an indicator that the share is not working out, and 2) logistically, you need more quiet to work.

It is not whiny to bring this kind of thing up. When you assume things, that's when things get thrown off kilter because it leaves the nanny to interpret and assume as well and no ones needs get met that way. Much better to lay your cards on the table. Right now you are assuming that the share is not going well and that the nanny is overwhelmed and needs help. The nanny is likely assuming that you are critical of her and worried about her job security--bad all around!

When you are clear, it tives the nanny the chance to be clear back: "I have encountered babies like this before and I expect to have a lot of crying for the next few weeks, but it is all under control and I think this is a good long-term fit. You popping it is not needed and disruptive, so I'd appreciate if you limit visits to X, Y or Z times." OR "I am getting overwhelmed with the new baby. It is harder than anticipated because ____. I plan to address this issue in _____ way and need you to do _____ to help with that. In the mean time, I need help the most at A, B, and C times, so if you can pop im then it will lighten my load a lot while we figure out this issue."

[Anonymous]

We were in a similar situation, but with a baby the same age as our daughter. The other child was just very, very fussy and took about 90% of our nanny's time and attention. We finally just decided to pay about 25% more to have our own nanny, and we are very happy with our choice. It meant cutting back some of our other expenses, but life is just so much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the tough love, probably what I needed. The last thing I want to do is be a difficult MB and stress out the nanny. I think I'll plan to be out of the house more and let them work it out. Or put a sound machine in my office to drown out the noise.

I think that's a good plan OP. Also, you might just talk about this very directly with the nanny. Give her a chance to say "it's ok - this is normal, I've got it." Let her know that you're aware that you might be "first time mothering" a bit and you want to avoid that, but you also want to know when/if the share situation isn't working for everyone - including the nanny.

If you can establish that kind of open, positive communication this early on with your nanny it will pay off so much in the long run.

MB

This is a great post. I am a nanny (not of shares, but several sets of twins) with a lot of experience with WAH parents and this kind of dynamic is really crucial to your long-term success. Be up front with the nanny about the problem for you: 1) you didn't expect this much crying and wonder if it is an indicator that the share is not working out, and 2) logistically, you need more quiet to work.

It is not whiny to bring this kind of thing up. When you assume things, that's when things get thrown off kilter because it leaves the nanny to interpret and assume as well and no ones needs get met that way. Much better to lay your cards on the table. Right now you are assuming that the share is not going well and that the nanny is overwhelmed and needs help. The nanny is likely assuming that you are critical of her and worried about her job security--bad all around!

When you are clear, it tives the nanny the chance to be clear back: "I have encountered babies like this before and I expect to have a lot of crying for the next few weeks, but it is all under control and I think this is a good long-term fit. You popping it is not needed and disruptive, so I'd appreciate if you limit visits to X, Y or Z times." OR "I am getting overwhelmed with the new baby. It is harder than anticipated because ____. I plan to address this issue in _____ way and need you to do _____ to help with that. In the mean time, I need help the most at A, B, and C times, so if you can pop im then it will lighten my load a lot while we figure out this issue."

Nanny, I'm the MB you quoted, and I agree with every word of your response. I wish I could hire you - I think we would work together so well! Your current family is lucky to have you.