how to get au pair to extend in this environment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha! Crazy. Advocate for yourself, of course, but is certainly morally questionable to advocate milking people in the middle of a pandemic and large-scale childcare crisis. There’s a difference between leaning in and encouraging gouging. Yikes. Maybe there’s a women studies 101 you can find online during these troubled times? You clearly need it desperately....

No need, I am doing very well for myself thank you.


People who are offering thousands of dollars of signing bonus are obviously not sitting on their couch counting pennies. But yes continue to feel bad for families who chose to offer money they can clearly afford to pay. Must be extremely exhausting to have to constantly feel empathy towards people who willingly spend their money however they see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

That I get, but I once had an AP candidate say to us well the other family I like has a pool and a ski house that I can use. You don't have that so what else can you offer me? I said we don't have any of those things but we will treat you well. she went for the other family and after 6 weeks was in rematch (they really treated her poorly) and emailed us to see if we had matched yet and we had and said no thank yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

That I get, but I once had an AP candidate say to us well the other family I like has a pool and a ski house that I can use. You don't have that so what else can you offer me? I said we don't have any of those things but we will treat you well. she went for the other family and after 6 weeks was in rematch (they really treated her poorly) and emailed us to see if we had matched yet and we had and said no thank yo.

All families promise they'll treat an AP will. It's very possible that you would have treated her as badly or worse than the other family. Why should she have chosen the hosts who are asking for more hours and offering less in exchange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

That I get, but I once had an AP candidate say to us well the other family I like has a pool and a ski house that I can use. You don't have that so what else can you offer me? I said we don't have any of those things but we will treat you well. she went for the other family and after 6 weeks was in rematch (they really treated her poorly) and emailed us to see if we had matched yet and we had and said no thank yo.

All families promise they'll treat an AP well. It's very possible that you would have treated her as badly or worse than the other family. Why should she have chosen the hosts who are asking for more hours and offering less in exchange?

Who said anything about more hours? And we have a great track record with former au pairs. we keep in touch , have visited them in their countries, they visit us. Honestly, I've done my own work exchange abroad after college so I kind of get the lifestyle so I do approach with empathy. but do go on and keep inventing your own stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

That I get, but I once had an AP candidate say to us well the other family I like has a pool and a ski house that I can use. You don't have that so what else can you offer me? I said we don't have any of those things but we will treat you well. she went for the other family and after 6 weeks was in rematch (they really treated her poorly) and emailed us to see if we had matched yet and we had and said no thank yo.

All families promise they'll treat an AP well. It's very possible that you would have treated her as badly or worse than the other family. Why should she have chosen the hosts who are asking for more hours and offering less in exchange?

Who said anything about more hours? And we have a great track record with former au pairs. we keep in touch , have visited them in their countries, they visit us. Honestly, I've done my own work exchange abroad after college so I kind of get the lifestyle so I do approach with empathy. but do go on and keep inventing your own stories.

You offered less. The AP chose the family with more perks, because she can’t know which family would treat her better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

That I get, but I once had an AP candidate say to us well the other family I like has a pool and a ski house that I can use. You don't have that so what else can you offer me? I said we don't have any of those things but we will treat you well. she went for the other family and after 6 weeks was in rematch (they really treated her poorly) and emailed us to see if we had matched yet and we had and said no thank yo.

All families promise they'll treat an AP well. It's very possible that you would have treated her as badly or worse than the other family. Why should she have chosen the hosts who are asking for more hours and offering less in exchange?

Who said anything about more hours? And we have a great track record with former au pairs. we keep in touch , have visited them in their countries, they visit us. Honestly, I've done my own work exchange abroad after college so I kind of get the lifestyle so I do approach with empathy. but do go on and keep inventing your own stories.

You offered less. The AP chose the family with more perks, because she can’t know which family would treat her better.

and that's exactly the point: all that glitters is not gold. hopefully as au pairs are being coached to milk families they also are coached to discern who would be a more humane family to live with. also an important point of "leaning in".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I never said anything about paying a little more. But I am not going to go over the top with a mutli thousand dollar signing bonus. The AP needs to want to work with our family, not milk me for all of the perks. The ones who go for the perks first mindset end up in rematch frequently anyway.

But nobody is asking you to. Everyone is just saying that there is nothing wrong with families offering thousands of dollars if they want to and for OP's AP to prefer them to a family who doesn't.
Accepting and seeking to be paid more doesn't make you a ''princess', have you never looked for an higher paying job? Wouldn't you pick a job that suits you and offer great benefits vs a job that suits you but doesn't? Would that make you a princess to make a financially sound choice for you and your family? Would going for the higher paying company make you a poorer employee with poor work ethics? Or you would be the same employee just with a higher paycheck?

Pay what you want to pay but calling people names or implying they lack work ethic for making a sound financial choice for themselves is ridiculous.

Better service usually cost more, no reason why an AP who has experience and good reviews and is obviously good at what she does shouldn't aim to get as much as she can get for her second year.

That I get, but I once had an AP candidate say to us well the other family I like has a pool and a ski house that I can use. You don't have that so what else can you offer me? I said we don't have any of those things but we will treat you well. she went for the other family and after 6 weeks was in rematch (they really treated her poorly) and emailed us to see if we had matched yet and we had and said no thank yo.

All families promise they'll treat an AP well. It's very possible that you would have treated her as badly or worse than the other family. Why should she have chosen the hosts who are asking for more hours and offering less in exchange?

Who said anything about more hours? And we have a great track record with former au pairs. we keep in touch , have visited them in their countries, they visit us. Honestly, I've done my own work exchange abroad after college so I kind of get the lifestyle so I do approach with empathy. but do go on and keep inventing your own stories.

You offered less. The AP chose the family with more perks, because she can’t know which family would treat her better.

and that's exactly the point: all that glitters is not gold. hopefully as au pairs are being coached to milk families they also are coached to discern who would be a more humane family to live with. also an important point of "leaning in".

indeed. I continue to be shocked by the stories i hear about how much some wealthier families treat their au pairs when push comes to shove. I have recently heard of an au pair who has essentially been an indentured servant while paying off medical expenses her family covered - and this family is filthy, filthy rich. Another family told their au pair that they couldn't afford to give her ANY pandemic raise from $200 a week despite the fact that she's now doing much more work - even as the family blatantly made discretionary purchases/spending decisions worth $100k or more. Point being, some richer families are more generous--but many turn out to be very stingy. key thing is to try to get a sense of family's values and character, ideally by talking to past au pairs.

[Anonymous]

We just matched with an extension. The pool is SCARCE. We normally do not advertise this, but did this time. We offered $12/hr. We also have many nice perks- pool house as her apartment, dedicated car, in home gym, 4 weeks off per year ( 2 her choosing, 2 ours), and all federal holidays off. We had AuPairs willing to leave their current families literally immediately, but skipped then due to integrity issues. After weeding through at least 100 interested candidates we had 5 very solid candidates to interview and picked one that seemed absolutely excellent.

We normally pay minimum wage (we are in Virginia) and treat the stipend ad a minimum and never advertise that. However after trying without advertising this, we upped the amount to 12 and got a very different pool of candidates.

During this quarantine we just need a really competent AuPair. Solid English skills and someone who can help them navigate their school work in case they don't go back in the fall. We needed one who had a glowing reference from her family in that regard.

[Anonymous]

I know that this thread is a few months old, but right now the extension/rematch pool is hideous. These girls just want to go out and travel and party. I am willing to compensate---but I will not pay for you to behave irresponsibly in a pandemic.

[Anonymous]

From experience - I would be really careful not to try to attract with too many perks. I have managed to find a rematch AP with no added perks other than some extra time off and a schedule that doesn't include weekends. I am also allowing her to have one friend over into the house because I recognize it is very hard to be locked down in a country away from home.
I find that the girls attracted to perks are quick to rematch and not really willing to do the work.

And I do pay the AP more in the end.. I just don't advertise it and instead focus on making sure they understand they will be treated well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From experience - I would be really careful not to try to attract with too many perks. I have managed to find a rematch AP with no added perks other than some extra time off and a schedule that doesn't include weekends. I am also allowing her to have one friend over into the house because I recognize it is very hard to be locked down in a country away from home.
I find that the girls attracted to perks are quick to rematch and not really willing to do the work.

And I do pay the AP more in the end.. I just don't advertise it and instead focus on making sure they understand they will be treated well.

Exactly! One of our APs would hang out with her AP friends and they would criticize our house since it was not a mcmansion. Surprise! She was also a less than average au pair. I do feel like the rematch/extension pool right now is all about the perks. And travelling. And sleeping over at their boyfriends. And flying to Florida. No thank you. Life is hard enough right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ours is extending and in the process of interviewing. She is done with us in August.
She was offered 3k to go to a family end of June. Other families fees +1k seems standard.
She has turned them all down. Has very specific ages/number of kids and California only requirements.

Very helpful, thanks. What are they offering as far as stipend, and any other perks?

At a minimum, you need to give her the $1200 (or whatever it is for your agency) that you save in agency fees with extending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From experience - I would be really careful not to try to attract with too many perks. I have managed to find a rematch AP with no added perks other than some extra time off and a schedule that doesn't include weekends. I am also allowing her to have one friend over into the house because I recognize it is very hard to be locked down in a country away from home.
I find that the girls attracted to perks are quick to rematch and not really willing to do the work.

And I do pay the AP more in the end.. I just don't advertise it and instead focus on making sure they understand they will be treated well.

Exactly! One of our APs would hang out with her AP friends and they would criticize our house since it was not a mcmansion. Surprise! She was also a less than average au pair. I do feel like the rematch/extension pool right now is all about the perks. And travelling. And sleeping over at their boyfriends. And flying to Florida. No thank you. Life is hard enough right now.

It is all about actually having a cultural exchange. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From experience - I would be really careful not to try to attract with too many perks. I have managed to find a rematch AP with no added perks other than some extra time off and a schedule that doesn't include weekends. I am also allowing her to have one friend over into the house because I recognize it is very hard to be locked down in a country away from home.
I find that the girls attracted to perks are quick to rematch and not really willing to do the work.

And I do pay the AP more in the end.. I just don't advertise it and instead focus on making sure they understand they will be treated well.

Exactly! One of our APs would hang out with her AP friends and they would criticize our house since it was not a mcmansion. Surprise! She was also a less than average au pair. I do feel like the rematch/extension pool right now is all about the perks. And travelling. And sleeping over at their boyfriends. And flying to Florida. No thank you. Life is hard enough right now.

It is all about actually having a cultural exchange. Got it.

Part of cultural exchange is respecting reality. When I was a peace corps volunteer, I didn't behave in a way that would inflict harm or illness on the people in the village.