Au pair schedule/responsibilities during Covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

It's your very wasteful choice if you have somehow managed to pay out 38k for 9 months of an AuPair.

This is not the norm. Not even close.

Most families hit $25-35k. Depending on what they’re including in the cost, they may not be too far outside the norm.

That would be an annualized rate of 50k. The poster is either a liar or an idiot. Either way my answer stays.

[Anonymous]

How do you handle all 3 kids when you’re with them as the solo adult for the day? Maybe suggest strategies based on that? I have 2 kids the same ages as your older kids and I already need to separate them for distance learning without adding a 3rd kid to the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

Nanny share and daycare are completely different set-ups though. An AP provides one on one (in your case) time with your child and childcare that works around your family and schedule, nanny shares and daycare don't do that. You can't compare daycare to APs and complain that APs are more expensive when you pretty much have someone on-call providing you personalized childcare.
Do you expect to pay someone who is to look after your child/children ONLY and the exact way you want, less than a person who is looking after 12 kids and does things her way?

Yes it's more expensive than daycare/nanny share, but it's still cheap for what it is (personalized at-home childcare that like you said, can also turn into a language tutor without any increment in price).

It’s a college kid... they are not providing “personalized childcare”.

People get so defensive about the AP program. It’s almost cultish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a very clear conversation with her. Acknowledge it is not what was expected, but is what is needed, and it is now her job.

Our au pair also decided our two older kids were no longer her responsibility (other than she’d make meals, but even then she just ignored our oldest if he didn’t come to the table - and he NEEDS to be made to come to the table because he takes a medication that suppresses hunger, but his blood sugar will crash without food). We ended up sending her to rematch because it was not worth it to us to have an au pair doing only half the job, as the other half the job still required almost a full day of attention from me. We needed someone who was either going to do the job or acknowledge she couldn’t/wouldn’t and just move on.

In your situation, I’d hope she’d understand that it is not an option to decide she is an au pair to only one of the children. She needs a reset. Get your LCC or area director involved as needed.

The bolded is a parenting issue, not an AP one. You should be able to discipline your older child. How do you suppose a college aged kid make your child come to the table? If you are aware that the older child does not come to the table, [b]you have to set consequences, not blame the AP. [b]

The caregivers' authority is limited to whatever authority parents give them. It should only take one time for any child 4 years old or older to refuse to come to the table for the parents to set that straight.

Some of you are horrible to work for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a very clear conversation with her. Acknowledge it is not what was expected, but is what is needed, and it is now her job.

Our au pair also decided our two older kids were no longer her responsibility (other than she’d make meals, but even then she just ignored our oldest if he didn’t come to the table - and he NEEDS to be made to come to the table because he takes a medication that suppresses hunger, but his blood sugar will crash without food). We ended up sending her to rematch because it was not worth it to us to have an au pair doing only half the job, as the other half the job still required almost a full day of attention from me. We needed someone who was either going to do the job or acknowledge she couldn’t/wouldn’t and just move on.

In your situation, I’d hope she’d understand that it is not an option to decide she is an au pair to only one of the children. She needs a reset. Get your LCC or area director involved as needed.

The bolded is a parenting issue, not an AP one. You should be able to discipline your older child. How do you suppose a college aged kid make your child come to the table? If you are aware that the older child does not come to the table, [b]you have to set consequences, not blame the AP. [b]

The caregivers' authority is limited to whatever authority parents give them. It should only take one time for any child 4 years old or older to refuse to come to the table for the parents to set that straight.

Some of you are horrible to work for.

Especially if there’s a medical condition and the child is old enough to understand how dangerous it is to not eat!

[Anonymous]

Our schedule has also drastically changed due to the pandemic and our au pair's has shifted as well. We've made it a point to give her a long break during the day (typically from 10 am - 2 pm) but expect her to help with our two kids (11 and 8) for 45 hours per week. In our home, we're all suffering through this together. My income (not hours) has been slashed by 30%. We're financially strapped and aren't in a position to pay our au pair more money. We are ordering in food frequently from our au pair's favorite restaurants and trying to be as thoughtful as possible. Thankfully our au pair is sufficiently mature to recognize that the grass isn't greener in her home country. In reality, she's far more comfortable in my home than she'd be returning to her home country during an international pandemic.

[Anonymous]

I had to send my third au pair for a rematch because she absolutely didnt connect or took care of my 9 year old. She acted as if there was one child at home, my 5 year old and it was the weirdest thing. She only cooked for the 9 year old and barely paid Any attention To her. or knew anything about her life or friend’s name. I asked her multiple times to try to connect, but nothing worked. It was so so so strange. Maybe she wanted to make things easy on herself or had emotional issues. Whatever it was, I coulnt figure out. Without going into further details, I knew it wasnt the right match for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our schedule has also drastically changed due to the pandemic and our au pair's has shifted as well. We've made it a point to give her a long break during the day (typically from 10 am - 2 pm) but expect her to help with our two kids (11 and 8) for 45 hours per week. In our home, we're all suffering through this together. My income (not hours) has been slashed by 30%. We're financially strapped and aren't in a position to pay our au pair more money. We are ordering in food frequently from our au pair's favorite restaurants and trying to be as thoughtful as possible. Thankfully our au pair is sufficiently mature to recognize that the grass isn't greener in her home country. In reality, she's far more comfortable in my home than she'd be returning to her home country during an international pandemic.

It's interesting to me that you can't afford to pay her more despite the circumstances being far from what she signed up for, but you can afford to order in meals frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our schedule has also drastically changed due to the pandemic and our au pair's has shifted as well. We've made it a point to give her a long break during the day (typically from 10 am - 2 pm) but expect her to help with our two kids (11 and 8) for 45 hours per week. In our home, we're all suffering through this together. My income (not hours) has been slashed by 30%. We're financially strapped and aren't in a position to pay our au pair more money. We are ordering in food frequently from our au pair's favorite restaurants and trying to be as thoughtful as possible. Thankfully our au pair is sufficiently mature to recognize that the grass isn't greener in her home country. In reality, she's far more comfortable in my home than she'd be returning to her home country during an international pandemic.

It's interesting to me that you can't afford to pay her more despite the circumstances being far from what she signed up for, but you can afford to order in meals frequently.

For example, we have had income cut too (slightly less than yours) but have still upped our stipend from $200 to $300 in part by cutting out takeout except for a pizza once a week. Kids aren't happy about lack of Chipotle etc but tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our schedule has also drastically changed due to the pandemic and our au pair's has shifted as well. We've made it a point to give her a long break during the day (typically from 10 am - 2 pm) but expect her to help with our two kids (11 and 8) for 45 hours per week. In our home, we're all suffering through this together. My income (not hours) has been slashed by 30%. We're financially strapped and aren't in a position to pay our au pair more money. We are ordering in food frequently from our au pair's favorite restaurants and trying to be as thoughtful as possible. Thankfully our au pair is sufficiently mature to recognize that the grass isn't greener in her home country. In reality, she's far more comfortable in my home than she'd be returning to her home country during an international pandemic.

It's interesting to me that you can't afford to pay her more despite the circumstances being far from what she signed up for, but you can afford to order in meals frequently.

For example, we have had income cut too (slightly less than yours) but have still upped our stipend from $200 to $300 in part by cutting out takeout except for a pizza once a week. Kids aren't happy about lack of Chipotle etc but tough.

Agreed. Cut out one or two takeout meals and voila! You now have an increase for AP.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and I can afford an au pair. And it's NOT 39K a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I'm a teacher and I can afford an au pair. And it's NOT 39K a year.

NP. For YOU. For us, it is close to 40k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'm a teacher and I can afford an au pair. And it's NOT 39K a year.

NP. For YOU. For us, it is close to 40k.

How are people responsible for the choices you make with your money? An AP can cost you upward of 100K if you fancy paying her $$$$$ and giving her every extra you can imagine or they can cost you much less if you make different choices. There's a minimum amount you need to pay and spend on an AP but anything above that is up and comes down to you. The program isn't generally more expensive just because you personally decide to spend more on your AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'm a teacher and I can afford an au pair. And it's NOT 39K a year.

NP. For YOU. For us, it is close to 40k.

How are people responsible for the choices you make with your money? An AP can cost you upward of 100K if you fancy paying her $$$$$ and giving her every extra you can imagine or they can cost you much less if you make different choices. There's a minimum amount you need to pay and spend on an AP but anything above that is up and comes down to you. The program isn't generally more expensive just because you personally decide to spend more on your AP.

Our perhaps you purposely seek out au pairs from the poorest country, pay them the minimum, barely by them food, and give zero effs about their cultural exchange - maybe you are a bad actor HM. How are people responsible for the poor and abusive choices you make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'm a teacher and I can afford an au pair. And it's NOT 39K a year.

NP. For YOU. For us, it is close to 40k.

How are people responsible for the choices you make with your money? An AP can cost you upward of 100K if you fancy paying her $$$$$ and giving her every extra you can imagine or they can cost you much less if you make different choices. There's a minimum amount you need to pay and spend on an AP but anything above that is up and comes down to you. The program isn't generally more expensive just because you personally decide to spend more on your AP.

Our perhaps you purposely seek out au pairs from the poorest country, pay them the minimum, barely by them food, and give zero effs about their cultural exchange - maybe you are a bad actor HM. How are people responsible for the poor and abusive choices you make?

Good try, I am not the PP who said she was a teacher, you have therefore no idea what I earn nor what I might be paying an AP which may be way more than you. Doesn’t mean I am delusional into thinking that what I pay an AP is representative of the cost for every family and the program.