Au pair schedule/responsibilities during Covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

Nanny share and daycare are completely different set-ups though. An AP provides one on one (in your case) time with your child and childcare that works around your family and schedule, nanny shares and daycare don't do that. You can't compare daycare to APs and complain that APs are more expensive when you pretty much have someone on-call providing you personalized childcare.
Do you expect to pay someone who is to look after your child/children ONLY and the exact way you want, less than a person who is looking after 12 kids and does things her way?

Yes it's more expensive than daycare/nanny share, but it's still cheap for what it is (personalized at-home childcare that like you said, can also turn into a language tutor without any increment in price).

[Anonymous]

How did this start? Where she thought she only needed to watch one of the kids?

As previous posters mentioned, you have to be careful here. She can decide this is not worth it and just leave. Our au pair left, but it has worked out better for us as she was not stepping up to help much.

I would figure out what kind of extra compensation you are willing to give. Personally if I had kids those ages in this situation, I would pay double the stipend.

Once you figure out what you can give her, have a talk with her about what you need from her going forward. Tell her that you will need her to take care of all the kids from 9-5(or whatever hours) with a 1/2 hr break from all of them in the middle. Tell her what you are looking for. Provide sample schedules and techniques for handling all the kids. Tell her that she will be getting a $200 bonus at the end of every week for her efforts. Tell her that she should make easier meals so as to not take away from her childcare duties.

I would start the conversation by mentioning that we have been doing this for a while and it will likely be the new normal for a while so you need to talk about duties going forward.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post (except my older kids are 5 and 8). I never said anything. And our AP just came to us anyway and said she’s rematching. Even following the 1.5 around alone was apparently too much. Be careful...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

Nanny share and daycare are completely different set-ups though. An AP provides one on one (in your case) time with your child and childcare that works around your family and schedule, nanny shares and daycare don't do that. You can't compare daycare to APs and complain that APs are more expensive when you pretty much have someone on-call providing you personalized childcare.
Do you expect to pay someone who is to look after your child/children ONLY and the exact way you want, less than a person who is looking after 12 kids and does things her way?

Yes it's more expensive than daycare/nanny share, but it's still cheap for what it is (personalized at-home childcare that like you said, can also turn into a language tutor without any increment in price).

Not universally true, though. We had our kid in a nanny share previously, for roughly the same hours: 7:30-4:30 - with 45/hours max. We agreed to these hours in advance b/f she got here. She's not "on-call" when there is a daily max and a weekly max. It's not a built in language tutor - it's we are raising our kid in a target language environment. We could afford a nanny who spoke the target language and worked these hours if she were 45k a year, which is what the AP program will work out to be for us, most likely. We could not afford a 60k nanny which is the going rate in DC, and could likely not find one who speaks the target language.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a first time host family.

Your AP is a dud. No AP should simply ignore 2 out of 3 kids because it's not what she signed up for. She knew there were 3 kids in your family.

You can choose to put up with it and the tiny amount of help you're getting. Or you can decide you're not getting enough for her to stay in your household and rematch. Or she can decide that it's too much work and jump to a family who only has 1 kid and/or a state like GA that has lifted their lockdown.

But if you're looking for whether this is normal, then no. No, it is not. Many APs are either managing as best possible with support from host families (extra pay, breaks, etc.) or have simply left for their home country. Yours just sounds lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

How on earth did you spend 38k in 9 months? Are you counting the purchase of a car or an addition on the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair was hired for a morning/evening schedule for 3 kids (ages 1.5, 4 and 7 - boy, girl, girl). Now she is scheduled for 9-5 Mon.- Fri due to the current crisis. Both DH and I work full time and have been busy throughout this time (lots of calls, work project etc). Our au pair has taken to only watching our son (1.5 yo) except for making lunch for the kids. Granted my son is at a very busy and destructive age but watching the older girls has fallen on us. When our son sleeps from 1-3/3:30 she takes the time off. Once or twice a week she'll do some laundry but generally she is doing nothing. Then when he wakes she takes him on a long walk until she is off at 5PM. He comes home ready to play and is up until 7 for bed. Ive asked her to watch the girls but she doesn't do it unless I specifically instruct "please take all kids outside now" and she doesn't want to do learning projects with the girls as she claims its a different language. However, her English is pretty good and a 4 year old is minor learning. Sometimes she'll procrastinate even watching my son by starting a long complicated lunch from scratch.

I realize this is a very hard situation on all of us and not what she signed up for so I've tried to be flexible and understanding and thankful for help with my son (i.e., without it things would be MUCH more difficult). Though, I do feel more and more frustrated. Thoughts on whether I should say something, ask for more help, or leave things as they are? If this was only a 2 month situation I would not say anything but as it could potentially be long term, I want to make sure there are clear responsibilities set out.

As an aside she did fine with our morning/evening schedule. She's just not adapting to a "during the day" schedule with 3 kids.

Her life sounds like hell. I hope you are compensating her really, really well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

Nanny share and daycare are completely different set-ups though. An AP provides one on one (in your case) time with your child and childcare that works around your family and schedule, nanny shares and daycare don't do that. You can't compare daycare to APs and complain that APs are more expensive when you pretty much have someone on-call providing you personalized childcare.
Do you expect to pay someone who is to look after your child/children ONLY and the exact way you want, less than a person who is looking after 12 kids and does things her way?

Yes it's more expensive than daycare/nanny share, but it's still cheap for what it is (personalized at-home childcare that like you said, can also turn into a language tutor without any increment in price).

Not universally true, though. We had our kid in a nanny share previously, for roughly the same hours: 7:30-4:30 - with 45/hours max. We agreed to these hours in advance b/f she got here. She's not "on-call" when there is a daily max and a weekly max. It's not a built in language tutor - it's we are raising our kid in a target language environment. We could afford a nanny who spoke the target language and worked these hours if she were 45k a year, which is what the AP program will work out to be for us, most likely. We could not afford a 60k nanny which is the going rate in DC, and could likely not find one who speaks the target language.

She is on call when you can change her hours and work schedule whenever you want to at no to little notice to accommodate you for zero compensation which you cannot do in a nanny share/nursery setting.

So your AP has to speak to your kids in her native language so they can benefit from it but it’s not a perk of the program it’s only you raising your kids bilingual. Right on. And so you admit you could afford a nanny if they were 45k but they are not and they are more like 60k and you would never be able to find a nanny for the price of an AP let alone one who speaks your target language but yet it doesn’t mean at all that the AP program is drastically cheaper (15k at the very least for you, much more for others) more convenient and providing extras other settings don’t? Nope.

You can’t afford a nanny, you say it yourself and that’s why you settle for an AP who provides the most similar service. Yet it doesn’t mean APs are a cheaper replacement to Nannies? Right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

How on earth did you spend 38k in 9 months? Are you counting the purchase of a car or an addition on the house?

Ditto this. How is that even possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

How on earth did you spend 38k in 9 months? Are you counting the purchase of a car or an addition on the house?

Guessing:
Monthly payment on a car, insurance and possibly gas
Agency fee
Higher pay than just the stipend
Including AP in restaurant, local outings and vacation
Increased food
Possibly increased education fee

[Anonymous]

You should definitely have a conversation and not be too worried that she will walk Bc you are already doing 2/3 the job anyways.

It doesn’t need to be confrontational. Just thank her for all that she’s doing. Express how much work you and DH have and to help her keep all three kids occupied and safe all day you’ve created a schedule. It should also include times when they are watching a show on tv, or drawing so that she’s not ‘on’ all day. Give her specific lunch options to make and tell her not to make anything else. Write out the weekly schedule for laundry, picking up the kids room, changing sheets, etc. be clear that all three kids shouldn’t interrupt your workday unless it’s an emergency, so she needs to make sure they are taken care of from 9-5.

I know this stressful for her, but it is for everyone. She needs to understand that she needs to do her job (watching all three kids) so that you and your husband can do your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

It's your very wasteful choice if you have somehow managed to pay out 38k for 9 months of an AuPair.

This is not the norm. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is tread lightly. She might just pack up and go home like many have. You are getting someone for 40hrs a week for $200. If she walks you'll be on the hook for quadruple that.

It’s not $200/week! That’s just the cash out of pocket direct to au pair. We ALL know this.

Right. Comes to about 25k/yr. I'm a host mom.

You still aren't getting FT household help for that. Anyone who has had to pay for a Nanny or even a babysitter knows that.

When my kids were little we had a nanny. This was over 5 years ago. I paid $21/hr, fed rate for mileage, and employer side of FICA, plus a payroll servihe, excluding bonuses and gifts our bare minimum nanny expenses were 49,221.52.

For most people with out an AuPair to hire In house help, assuming they skip paying taxes, skip payroll, and skip any sort of perk will be paying $800/wk. This is still almost double the all AuPair cost.

No idea why people are so sensitive to the facts. Paying $25k per year for live in in call childcare is cheap cheap cheap. And that's ok. That's what the program is for. You're not getting that out of even an illegal immigrant.

Our AP has been here 9 months, and we have already paid out 38k, so no, it's not "cheap cheap cheap." It's expensive - less than a full time nanny, way more than a nanny share or day care. Granted, we have one kid, so if you had 3-4 kids it might be cheaper, but for us, we are in it for the language skills and the flexibility. No idea why some people presume they have unsupported "facts"/insight into our childcare needs/costs.

It's your very wasteful choice if you have somehow managed to pay out 38k for 9 months of an AuPair.

This is not the norm. Not even close.

Most families hit $25-35k. Depending on what they’re including in the cost, they may not be too far outside the norm.

[Anonymous]

Does she have enough things to help entertain the kids? Like an inflatable pool (that all kids can enjoy), a bouncy house, a swing set, sidewalk chalk, a bubble machine etc? Just going outside is brutal without some form of entertainment
Also, could you sign up 7 year old for some out school art classes in the afternoons or zoom play dates with friends? Anything to show you recognize this is tough, so are trying to lighten her load a little
I have a full time nanny, so am thinking of ways I Have tried to show her that I want to help her too -