Truth of being a Nanny

[Anonymous]

You are doing your job and getting paid for it. This is no different from any other job. You are an employee, not a family member or friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you’re saying, Op, but it’s a job. Your employers may value you because of your work ethics, the love their children have for you and how much you do in general but it’s a job that will end at some point; whether you decide to move on or you’re let go. It’s no different than any other occupation. I have worked for companies and have had great relationships with my bosses (because I was good at my job) but when I decided to move on, that’s it. They wish me the best and I never look back.

NP and a nanny here. In all those other jobs there is not a child who loved you and depended on you and who had no idea your role was just a job. For me, that is the tough part. I feel so bad for my charges who saw me five days a week from birth and had no clue I would just not be there one morning. I can always move on from my employers without looking back or giving a tiny rat’s ass. But it is the sweet child I worry about. And my own pain from missing the child.

In all those other jobs, I worked as a teacher in daycare. Where kids would arrive at 6:45am and leave at 6:00pm. Where they would run to me in the mornings with smiles and hugs. Where when they got sick, I would hold them until their parents arrived hours later to pick them up and try to bring them back the next day. Again, it’s a job and the longer you’re in this field, the better you will become at putting your “feelings” aside and fulfilling it and knowing while you cared for that child(ren) you did the best you could- and hope they will remember the times you spent with them forever! Maybe I misinterpreted the post but I thought it was leaning towards employers.

Nanny and NP.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I have been following this thread. I suck at setting and keeping boundaries with most of my charges and employers and have been burned badly this last time. Yes, I fell for the “verbal tip” in my last position and was fired anyway. I believed all the “you’re family” crap.

I am determined to set clear boundaries in my new position. I am just not sure how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you’re saying, Op, but it’s a job. Your employers may value you because of your work ethics, the love their children have for you and how much you do in general but it’s a job that will end at some point; whether you decide to move on or you’re let go. It’s no different than any other occupation. I have worked for companies and have had great relationships with my bosses (because I was good at my job) but when I decided to move on, that’s it. They wish me the best and I never look back.

NP and a nanny here. In all those other jobs there is not a child who loved you and depended on you and who had no idea your role was just a job. For me, that is the tough part. I feel so bad for my charges who saw me five days a week from birth and had no clue I would just not be there one morning. I can always move on from my employers without looking back or giving a tiny rat’s ass. But it is the sweet child I worry about. And my own pain from missing the child.

In all those other jobs, I worked as a teacher in daycare. Where kids would arrive at 6:45am and leave at 6:00pm. Where they would run to me in the mornings with smiles and hugs. Where when they got sick, I would hold them until their parents arrived hours later to pick them up and try to bring them back the next day. Again, it’s a job and the longer you’re in this field, the better you will become at putting your “feelings” aside and fulfilling it and knowing while you cared for that child(ren) you did the best you could- and hope they will remember the times you spent with them forever! Maybe I misinterpreted the post but I thought it was leaning towards employers.

Nanny and NP.

It’s not the same - at least for me. I was a daycare teacher and then became a nanny. My affection toon and devotion to my nanny-charge is so much deeper and involved than I ever felt for children in my care at daycare.

[Anonymous]

I have been really lucky with my last two employers who do continue to treat me like family. It’s been great for me since I am an older nanny and a widow. Seeing my former charges on weekends and special events has been simply lovely for the children and me. I have just been blessed to work for such loving and respectful people.

I am sorry for what you are going through, OP. I can’t imagine how much that must hurt. To have been with a child since birth and then just discarded it unforgivable. It speaks to the poor character of your employers - you do nothing wrong.

All nanny jobs are not like yours. I hope you find a new job with good and loving people soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My current job I see the kids more than the parents do COMBINED. Parents are divorced so they each get a few weeknights and one weekend of custody each week. I am with the kids from when they wake until when they sleep 5 days a week. Parents see them maybe 2 hours each total during the week, then they each have one 13-hour weekend day. I am the person teaching these kids how to connect and have a relationship with another human being. How to love and how to be loved. I talked them to walk, taught them to speak, and taught them basic life skills from potty training to shaking someone’s hand and looking them in the eye. But I am supposed to do all of that while constantly keeping in the back of my mind that I am 100% disposable and could be tossed out on my ear tomorrow if I said or did the wrong thing, or if one of the parents just decided they don’t like the look on my face. Regardless of how well-intentioned a given family is, that is the truth about being a nanny. When we talk about the imbalance of power, we are not talking about a paycheck. We are talking about the fact that we love your children exactly as much as you do, and frankly in some cases more, but you could rip this child from me so easily, without even a backward glance.

I understand what you're saying but you have to realize that everything you described goes both ways. You too could disappear from these kids' life tomorrow if you wish. If you didn't like the family, if the parents said something wrong, if you didn't like the look on their face, if you got a better job offer, if you wanted to move cities. For any reason at all. That you aren't doing it is your choice, not a burden imposed externally. Your employer is 100% disposable because there are always people with young children in need of nannycare, and when this job disappears, there will be another one waiting around the corner. You are not a slave. There is no imbalance of power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My current job I see the kids more than the parents do COMBINED. Parents are divorced so they each get a few weeknights and one weekend of custody each week. I am with the kids from when they wake until when they sleep 5 days a week. Parents see them maybe 2 hours each total during the week, then they each have one 13-hour weekend day. I am the person teaching these kids how to connect and have a relationship with another human being. How to love and how to be loved. I talked them to walk, taught them to speak, and taught them basic life skills from potty training to shaking someone’s hand and looking them in the eye. But I am supposed to do all of that while constantly keeping in the back of my mind that I am 100% disposable and could be tossed out on my ear tomorrow if I said or did the wrong thing, or if one of the parents just decided they don’t like the look on my face. Regardless of how well-intentioned a given family is, that is the truth about being a nanny. When we talk about the imbalance of power, we are not talking about a paycheck. We are talking about the fact that we love your children exactly as much as you do, and frankly in some cases more, but you could rip this child from me so easily, without even a backward glance.

I understand what you're saying but you have to realize that everything you described goes both ways. You too could disappear from these kids' life tomorrow if you wish. If you didn't like the family, if the parents said something wrong, if you didn't like the look on their face, if you got a better job offer, if you wanted to move cities. For any reason at all. That you aren't doing it is your choice, not a burden imposed externally. Your employer is 100% disposable because there are always people with young children in need of nannycare, and when this job disappears, there will be another one waiting around the corner. You are not a slave. There is no imbalance of power.

NP here. There is an imbalance of power in that no matter what a nanny says or wants, if the parents decide there is to be no more contact with the child - there is no more contact. Of course nannies are not slaves and are simply employees, but nannies have zero control over when the parents can dump you from their child’s life.

[Anonymous]

Parents, especially mothers, dismiss a nanny from their child’s life never to see that nanny again in large part because they are jealous of the nanny’s relationship with their child. These petty mothers put their own vengeance over the mental health of their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, especially mothers, dismiss a nanny from their child’s life never to see that nanny again in large part because they are jealous of the nanny’s relationship with their child. These petty mothers put their own vengeance over the mental health of their child.

+1. Your child has had the same caregiver since birth and after two or three years, the caregiver shouldn’t simply disappear one day never to return. It’s just bad for the kid.

Our former nanny is still an important part of my child’s life. It’s only fair to my kid.

[Anonymous]

The job pays very well. Doesn't require a lot of skill (certifications). My only fear is competing with foreign labor.

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The job pays very well. Doesn't require a lot of skill (certifications). My only fear is competing with foreign labor.

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Hi, Troll! You’re back with your weird quoting and nonsensical posts! How is your diet going? We’re all worried about your obesity.

[Anonymous]

You took care of the kids and now they are grown. Try being a waiter - you feed people and they come back the next day hungry again. They don't come back for the 1-7 years they are kids, they come back until the day they die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You took care of the kids and now they are grown. Try being a waiter - you feed people and they come back the next day hungry again. They don't come back for the 1-7 years they are kids, they come back until the day they die.

Huh? Are you seriously equating loving a child with eating in a restaurant?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Serious question - what would you like to happen when the role comes to its end? Nannies are (rightfully) expensive and a family's needs evolve over time so of course the need for a nanny will wrap up no matter how important they are to the family. What would make this transition feel better?

Same question. I know of a family who kept their nanny on as a household manager for years after she was needed, is that the only thing that feels fair? Is there something else?

Allowing nanny and child to talk isn’t that much, but many families think (erroneously) that a complete and sudden break is better for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t this exact thing posted before or in some magazine.

No plagiarizing!