Recent bizarre judgment by nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but all of this over a piece of rope and some bamboo? I think it’s fantastic that your son is building amazing stuctures and she’s encouraging his creativity and imagination. I don’t see this as a lapse of judgement.

OP here. Grateful for your perspective. We _love_ that our son loves to build. Agreed, who cares about the cost of the rope, it's more the principle of taking our stuff and destroying it. The bamboo is a bigger issue because it's more permanent--yes, it will probably grow back eventually, but it looks really ridiculous right now. And I do have a problem with the dog-petting through the fence. MIL is a dog trainer and says that's a big no. Even good dogs sometimes bite through fences, car windows, crates, etc. But not surprised that our nanny (or many other people) wouldn't have thought of that, so I don't think that's the same kind of judgment issue.

Um, it’s bamboo, not a tree... How tall was it, and how long will it take to grow back? Also, this is the BACK yard, not the front, right?

And it’s a rope... How much did it cost, $50 tops?

I wouldn’t have cut a 5 ft swath, but a few stalks here and there, evenly? Sure, nbd, if I knew the parents were open to kid creativity. And cutting up a rope is something I’ve done several times for kids, but it’s usually been used before.

Now, petting through the fence never happens with me. However, I’ve done a lot of work with animals, and I teach my charges proper ways to interact with unknown animals from a very early age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree about the bamboo and dog, but unless it was a fancy rope, I don’t see the issue. I am extremely cautious and it would never occur to me that we couldn’t use some rope. That seems ridiculous, unless it was clearly a fancy rope.

Twine is for cutting. A rope is not.

Yeah, it was a brand-new rope in our garage that was pretty obviously not for cutting up; simply using it without destroying it would've been more understandable. (And my husband was like, she didn't even burn the ends, so now it's going to fray and not hold his structure together! I personally am glad they didn't add fire to all this.) We do have twine and string, and we don't know why they didn't use either of those.

Because a toddler doesn’t have the dexterity for twine or string, but rope is thick enough for a toddler to “help” with building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree about the bamboo and dog, but unless it was a fancy rope, I don’t see the issue. I am extremely cautious and it would never occur to me that we couldn’t use some rope. That seems ridiculous, unless it was clearly a fancy rope.

Twine is for cutting. A rope is not.

Yeah, it was a brand-new rope in our garage that was pretty obviously not for cutting up; simply using it without destroying it would've been more understandable. (And my husband was like, she didn't even burn the ends, so now it's going to fray and not hold his structure together! I personally am glad they didn't add fire to all this.) We do have twine and string, and we don't know why they didn't use either of those.

Because a toddler doesn’t have the dexterity for twine or string, but rope is thick enough for a toddler to “help” with building.

Sorry, missed that he’s 4.

String isn’t going to be thick enough to tempt most preschool kids, and it takes longer to tie large items, if you expect it to hold for a reasonable amount of time or be sturdy. With a 4 yo, I’d have probably grabbed the twine if it was next to the rope, but if the rope was more visible, I guarantee I wouldn’t have gone looking for twine.

[Anonymous]

My nanny frequently asked my 4 year old whether she was allowed to do something when she was new. If my 4 year old told her she was allowed to use/cut up a random rope in the garage, I’m quite sure the nanny would have believed her and allowed her to do it. My 4 year old doesn’t tend to lie about these things though, so if I found out she did, I’d be mad at her and not the nanny (unless, I guess, the lie was super outlandish/apparent in which case I’d be mad at both of them). My nanny occasionally accidentally uses food we’re saving or crafts we’re saving or whatever, but she’s entertaining my kids 10 hours a day/5 days/week, so this seems like a small sacrifice. She obviously doesn’t do it on purpose and would never use something if we asked her not to explicitly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny frequently asked my 4 year old whether she was allowed to do something when she was new. If my 4 year old told her she was allowed to use/cut up a random rope in the garage, I’m quite sure the nanny would have believed her and allowed her to do it. My 4 year old doesn’t tend to lie about these things though, so if I found out she did, I’d be mad at her and not the nanny (unless, I guess, the lie was super outlandish/apparent in which case I’d be mad at both of them). My nanny occasionally accidentally uses food we’re saving or crafts we’re saving or whatever, but she’s entertaining my kids 10 hours a day/5 days/week, so this seems like a small sacrifice. She obviously doesn’t do it on purpose and would never use something if we asked her not to explicitly.

It is inappropriate for you to be mad at a 4 year-old for lying about whether she would be allowed to use an item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny frequently asked my 4 year old whether she was allowed to do something when she was new. If my 4 year old told her she was allowed to use/cut up a random rope in the garage, I’m quite sure the nanny would have believed her and allowed her to do it. My 4 year old doesn’t tend to lie about these things though, so if I found out she did, I’d be mad at her and not the nanny (unless, I guess, the lie was super outlandish/apparent in which case I’d be mad at both of them). My nanny occasionally accidentally uses food we’re saving or crafts we’re saving or whatever, but she’s entertaining my kids 10 hours a day/5 days/week, so this seems like a small sacrifice. She obviously doesn’t do it on purpose and would never use something if we asked her not to explicitly.

It is inappropriate for you to be mad at a 4 year-old for lying about whether she would be allowed to use an item.

Look, “mad” is obvious shorthand for who I’d blame for the situation... That said, my 4 year old absolutely knows what a lie is and that she’s not supposed to tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but all of this over a piece of rope and some bamboo? I think it’s fantastic that your son is building amazing stuctures and she’s encouraging his creativity and imagination. I don’t see this as a lapse of judgement.

Well she may just not know English very well.

As for bamboo - that krap grows 1 foot every time it rains and is very invasive. I'll pay her and your so to pull it all up in our neighborhood!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Surprised to see more posts but I'll take it as an opportunity to report that we've bought some specific tools for my son to use (including a small wood saw!) and he and our nanny (and our daughter) are having a blast building--and I love that she also gives him space to build by himself, because I don't want her to direct everything. I love how much time they spend outside (in a warmer clime than you DC-dwellers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny frequently asked my 4 year old whether she was allowed to do something when she was new. If my 4 year old told her she was allowed to use/cut up a random rope in the garage, I’m quite sure the nanny would have believed her and allowed her to do it. My 4 year old doesn’t tend to lie about these things though, so if I found out she did, I’d be mad at her and not the nanny (unless, I guess, the lie was super outlandish/apparent in which case I’d be mad at both of them). My nanny occasionally accidentally uses food we’re saving or crafts we’re saving or whatever, but she’s entertaining my kids 10 hours a day/5 days/week, so this seems like a small sacrifice. She obviously doesn’t do it on purpose and would never use something if we asked her not to explicitly.

Why is she checking with a preschooler, not you?!

I’ll ask kids whose clothes are on the floor, who didn’t make their bed or who left a mess on the table. But to ask them whether Mommy is planning on using x for dinner later this week or Daddy is planning to use y for a craft with kids? No, those are adult questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Surprised to see more posts but I'll take it as an opportunity to report that we've bought some specific tools for my son to use (including a small wood saw!) and he and our nanny (and our daughter) are having a blast building--and I love that she also gives him space to build by himself, because I don't want her to direct everything. I love how much time they spend outside (in a warmer clime than you DC-dwellers).

Nice getting tools for him!

Did you get crafting supplies as well (including rope and wood)? Try to designate a specific area as where the things they can use “live,” and everything must go “home” when they’re done working. Watching a 4-5yo tell a hammer to “Go home, go to bed!” is cute, while teaching where things go