Nanny may have stolen from us but I really don’t want to let her go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your options:
1: he didn’t pay her and is lying
2: he paid her, she kept the money on purpose
3: he paid her, she kept the money by accident
4: he paid her, she paid you, you forgot

How do you not remember? If you’re loaning out money, why not keep a written record? My own parents kept a document on the computer when I was paying them back for something!

Why does your mind immediately go to theft? That’s one of FOUR potential scenarios.

On 1, if the son is lying he’s VERY GOOD. I found him credible in our conversation today.
On 2, I do think this is what happened but agree I cannot know it for 100% certain.
On 3, I guess it’s possible, but I feel it’s unlikely. The sum of money we are talking here is equal to a weeks pay for the nanny-it’s a lot relative to her income. I would notice if I had an extra half paycheck of cash lying around, wouldn’t you?
On 4, this is possible, and yeah I should have kept records. It’s not a massive amount of money to us and I really trusted they would pay us so I wasn’t really THAT concerned.

I suppose the nanny knows this wasn't a large amount of money to you and was taking advantage of your relative wealth and since you admitted you might not have recalled the repayment... This probably leads to a lot of minor thefts among household employees because they see a disparity in resources and material wealth and assume you wouldn't miss it.

I would recommend you not become your nanny's banker. There are so many ways that this can sour. If she needs a ticket, encourage her to get a bank account, debit card, etc, to order it herself, or require that she hand you the cash before you order it for her.

[Anonymous]

I think your Nanny was just hoping against hope that somehow you wouldn’t figure this one out.

Thankfully you did.

I say to you ->> Listen to that “little” voice inside you, the one that is making you feel a little uneasy about your Nanny.
It is there for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

^^^^
PP Here:

No I am not a troll.
Just someone who believes in following one’s initial instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your Nanny was just hoping against hope that somehow you wouldn’t figure this one out.

Thankfully you did.

I say to you ->> Listen to that “little” voice inside you, the one that is making you feel a little uneasy about your Nanny.
It is there for a reason.

I agree with this sense of distrust being a consideration; I just wouldn't necessarily act on it immediately. But you could consider replacing the nanny when you have had time to find someone else and if you continue to feel this way. Just don't shoot yourself in the foot...you can probably take your time since it is not a child endangerment issue or emergency.

[Anonymous]

To be fair to her you should tell her how you feel.

[Anonymous]

That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

Op here. I agree stealing might not be the right word, but I don’t feel like these were loans. It was administrative help in booking airline tickets for people with limited English, no credit card, and no internet skills (or even a computer). They often brought me the cash when I booked the tickets in the past. A few times it was a week or so later.

The son wasn’t asking for a loan in this instance-he doesn’t know how to book a plane ticket and doesn’t have a credit card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

Op here. I agree stealing might not be the right word, but I don’t feel like these were loans. It was administrative help in booking airline tickets for people with limited English, no credit card, and no internet skills (or even a computer). They often brought me the cash when I booked the tickets in the past. A few times it was a week or so later.

The son wasn’t asking for a loan in this instance-he doesn’t know how to book a plane ticket and doesn’t have a credit card.

You lacked good judgement. You take the to get a prepaid credit card and help them online. She took advantage of you. Ask her what kind of payment plan she'd like to pay you back. No return home trip. He knows how to book a plane ticket. He can do it on the phone, buy a prepaid credit card. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

Op here. I agree stealing might not be the right word, but I don’t feel like these were loans. It was administrative help in booking airline tickets for people with limited English, no credit card, and no internet skills (or even a computer). They often brought me the cash when I booked the tickets in the past. A few times it was a week or so later.

The son wasn’t asking for a loan in this instance-he doesn’t know how to book a plane ticket and doesn’t have a credit card.

You lacked good judgement. You take the to get a prepaid credit card and help them online. She took advantage of you. Ask her what kind of payment plan she'd like to pay you back. No return home trip. He knows how to book a plane ticket. He can do it on the phone, buy a prepaid credit card. Simple.

I posted up thread that she paid me on Friday when I raised it with her son.

They are recent immigrants who don’t speak any English, don’t have smart phones, and don’t have a computer. It’s not as simple as you think. There is a steep learning curve on a lot of things in America that we consider simple, and I can’t necessarily be the person to bring them up to speed on everything (though I do try to help as much as I can).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

Op here. I agree stealing might not be the right word, but I don’t feel like these were loans. It was administrative help in booking airline tickets for people with limited English, no credit card, and no internet skills (or even a computer). They often brought me the cash when I booked the tickets in the past. A few times it was a week or so later.

The son wasn’t asking for a loan in this instance-he doesn’t know how to book a plane ticket and doesn’t have a credit card.

You lacked good judgement. You take the to get a prepaid credit card and help them online. She took advantage of you. Ask her what kind of payment plan she'd like to pay you back. No return home trip. He knows how to book a plane ticket. He can do it on the phone, buy a prepaid credit card. Simple.

I posted up thread that she paid me on Friday when I raised it with her son.

They are recent immigrants who don’t speak any English, don’t have smart phones, and don’t have a computer. It’s not as simple as you think. There is a steep learning curve on a lot of things in America that we consider simple, and I can’t necessarily be the person to bring them up to speed on everything (though I do try to help as much as I can).

Legal or illegal? Minimum wage or $15+/hr? I bet you are paying the grand sum of $10/hr!

[Anonymous]

You need to take responsibility for how poorly you managed this OP. If you lend money, create a paper trail, know when/if you've been paid, follow up accordingly.

Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

Op here. I agree stealing might not be the right word, but I don’t feel like these were loans. It was administrative help in booking airline tickets for people with limited English, no credit card, and no internet skills (or even a computer). They often brought me the cash when I booked the tickets in the past. A few times it was a week or so later.

The son wasn’t asking for a loan in this instance-he doesn’t know how to book a plane ticket and doesn’t have a credit card.

You lacked good judgement. You take the to get a prepaid credit card and help them online. She took advantage of you. Ask her what kind of payment plan she'd like to pay you back. No return home trip. He knows how to book a plane ticket. He can do it on the phone, buy a prepaid credit card. Simple.

I posted up thread that she paid me on Friday when I raised it with her son.

They are recent immigrants who don’t speak any English, don’t have smart phones, and don’t have a computer. It’s not as simple as you think. There is a steep learning curve on a lot of things in America that we consider simple, and I can’t necessarily be the person to bring them up to speed on everything (though I do try to help as much as I can).

You said your nanny has been with you since your daughter was born 2 years ago. I don't consider that "recent" and would expect my nanny to have acquired these basic skills. Something seems off in your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't exactly stealing. You loaned money to buy a plane ticket to the nanny for her son. She didn't pay you back. Now he wants more money for a return trip home. Stop lending money and only gift it. Stealing is you are missing xxx and she took it from your home (computer, clothing, jewelry).

Op here. I agree stealing might not be the right word, but I don’t feel like these were loans. It was administrative help in booking airline tickets for people with limited English, no credit card, and no internet skills (or even a computer). They often brought me the cash when I booked the tickets in the past. A few times it was a week or so later.

The son wasn’t asking for a loan in this instance-he doesn’t know how to book a plane ticket and doesn’t have a credit card.

You lacked good judgement. You take the to get a prepaid credit card and help them online. She took advantage of you. Ask her what kind of payment plan she'd like to pay you back. No return home trip. He knows how to book a plane ticket. He can do it on the phone, buy a prepaid credit card. Simple.

I posted up thread that she paid me on Friday when I raised it with her son.

They are recent immigrants who don’t speak any English, don’t have smart phones, and don’t have a computer. It’s not as simple as you think. There is a steep learning curve on a lot of things in America that we consider simple, and I can’t necessarily be the person to bring them up to speed on everything (though I do try to help as much as I can).

You said your nanny has been with you since your daughter was born 2 years ago. I don't consider that "recent" and would expect my nanny to have acquired these basic skills. Something seems off in your post.

You can book tickets through websites in other languages. You don't provide your nanny with a cell phone for an emergency or she has one? Odd to believe. Maybe you need to pay her a bit more if she cannot afford a $40 month phone or provide one. They should know how to get a prepaid credit card and call on the phone to make a ticket. They can do it on a regular phone with a prepaid credit card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not let it go. What the heck?

"Jane, Bobby asked me today for money for a plane ticket, which is fine, except that I don't recall receiving payment for the last one in January. He says he gave you the money but I don't remember you paying me. Did you?"


THen you see what she says. And if she says she paid you and you think there's a chance you forgot, and you want to retain her, then you take the high road and email something like "Jeez, I must have totally spaced out. I'll make sure to handle it more properly this time. Tomorrow morning I'll have a check for you for Bobby's ticket. And when you pay me back this time I will make sure to give you a receipt, or an email so we have a good paper trail around this. I feel terribly questioning you if I dropped the ball so we can all make sure that doesn't happen again."

And do that next time. Don't throw your money around with so little attention to it that you're not sure if or when you were repaid - it just conveys that you don't care about it.

The whole thing was resolved by the time you posted this.