New/Our first AP is ‘spacey’ and texts too much...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are too controlling. Au pair can leave your house and talking outside but you won't take out baby to cry outside of the house. This is obvious that parents with young children are cranky not only for Au pairs.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are too controlling. Au pair can leave your house and talking outside but you won't take out baby to cry outside of the house. This is obvious that parents with young children are cranky not only for Au pairs.

Our friendly AP stalker at it again...

[Anonymous]

Definitely the reset conversation, and then head to rematch (though painful) if needed.

Our first au pair, though addicted to her cell phone after hours to connect with BF and family at home, did not use her phone during work hours unless it was communicate with us. Second au pair, super-Instagrammer, however, she only uses her cell phone to text us and/or takes photos of the kids during work hours. Headed into 3rd AP, and it's one of my top interview questions. Someone that is on the phone constantly is not going to be engaged caregiver.

Being strict about is necessary. We have always taken the safety angle - with younger kids and it only takes a moment for them to do something to hurt themselves (or the others). Sometimes they have bad scrapes and falls even when you're right there watching them! Distraction is not acceptable and let her know that you'll have to go into rematch if she cannot abide by this line. Also, understand this is your first AP, so some of these convos are harder to have, but definitely draw the line (again, and over and over) as needed. I personally would head into rematch if I didn't see the AP taking this seriously. APs can make it through the day without using their phones and should obey house rules. And yes, totally ok to tell her not to wear an Apple watch during the shift. For example, we ask APs not wear perfumes and scents during on-duty time. (I'm sure AP troll will come back to call me controlling :lol

Remember, it's your house, your rules. Good luck and I hope it gets better!

[Anonymous]

Great advice above. My advice as a host mom who has faced rematch:

Don't be afraid! It will work out. It is better to go into rematch and find a new and better AP (with excellent screening and interviewing so you're not out of the frying pan and into the fire) than to suffer through the year with a bad AP because you're afraid of change and disruption.

Especially when you're on your first AP and you don't have a baseline of experience with APs, it's hard to know that your situation is as bad as it really is. I did not rematch with our first AP and it's a huge regret. Looking back on it, I'm giving you the same advice I'd give myself of the past -- don't be afraid of rematch.

[Anonymous]

'For example, we ask APs not wear perfumes and scents during on-duty time. (I'm sure AP troll will come back to call me controlling :lol' Good that I wasn't your Au Pair. Cheers .

[Anonymous]

'For example, we ask APs not wear perfumes and scents during on-duty time. (I'm sure AP troll will come back to call me controlling :lol' Good that I wasn't your Au Pair. Cheers .

Many families have allergies and will request AP refrains from wearing perfume. Not a big deal, especially if AP is told this upfront during matching process. So yes, if wearing perfume is a job deal breaker for you, then of course it would be in your best interest to match with another family.

[Anonymous]

Ok, this is your first Au Pair so you are cutting your teeth on managing your AP. If she thinks it’s okay to spend all her work hours on her phone, it suggests that you didn’t set strict enough rules to begin with. Don’t worry, many HFs make that mistake. My suggestion? Rematch. And then when you get new APs, start our strict and loosen over time as you can see that they won’t abuse the situation. Match slowly and carefully, fire quickly. And, disclose that you do that. After two duds, I was really clear with APs that I want them to succeed but won’t be harassed and disrespected in my own home and will give one warning for behavior before rematching. I ended up with fabulous APs after that that I still have close relationships with.

[Anonymous]

Ok, this is your first Au Pair so you are cutting your teeth on managing your AP. If she thinks it’s okay to spend all her work hours on her phone, it suggests that you didn’t set strict enough rules to begin with. Don’t worry, many HFs make that mistake. My suggestion? Rematch. And then when you get new APs, start our strict and loosen over time as you can see that they won’t abuse the situation. Match slowly and carefully, fire quickly. And, disclose that you do that. After two duds, I was really clear with APs that I want them to succeed but won’t be harassed and disrespected in my own home and will give one warning for behavior before rematching. I ended up with fabulous APs after that that I still have close relationships with.

+1

And also why I never rematch anymore. Each year, I have the opportunity to improve my management skills, communicate more clearly,screen applicants better, train better...and every year this program gets better for me!

[Anonymous]

Explain your rules, and ask her to defend her behavior.

I’m a live-in nanny. My employers have had aps as well as nannies, and limited electronics was always the rule. However, the kids have crazy schedules, and the calendar on the wall simply didn’t have enough room for every reminder we needed. I set up google calendar with all of the reminders we need, and my phone has a different sound for texts/calls/email/calendar. Because I also need to be aware of information contained in emails from the parents and schools sent during my work day, I check my personal phone anytime it dings for calendar or email, but I only take calls or check texts on my work phone during work hours.

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting rules about phone use in the handbook ... checked
Reviewing the rules during training orientation in the first weeks ... checked
Telling her to not keep her phone on her or in her pocket and take it everywhere in the house ... checked
Telling her it is no okay to be using the phone for personal things ... checked
Telling her multiple times and refreshing her memory ... checked

but the AP still use the phone on the job.

The problem is not communicating to the AP by writing, verbally, or through the HF setting an example (like everyone put their phones away during meals), but the enforcement. Unless you are a SAHM, how do you enforce it when you are not around to watch the AP? The AP can lie and say all the right things that you want to hear but do not act on it. Does a threat of rematch really work? When someone is addicted, can they really control themselves to stop?

If someone was successfully in curbing an AP phone use, please share. I can use the ideas.

Ask verbal children what they did with AP during the day. They’ll let you know quickly if she just sat and ignored them!

Nanny cams.