Do they all start strong, then slack off?

[Anonymous]

You have numerous issues.

Au pairs aren't prepared to care for infants, even if they are "infant-qualified." Asking an au pair to care for infant twins is foolhardy, especially if you were picky about anything related to housework versus strictly childcare. Au pairs are NOT nannies, and the standards are completely different. Many, many Au pairs go into rematch, the commitment is only one year, this isn't their career... apples to oranges, it's not a good comparison.

Trial days are precisely that. It's part of the interview process. At that point, hire is contingent on decent performance; they didn't perform, so they weren't hired.

So, that means two nannies for any length of time. Given that the twins are so young, it is still very concerning. Honeymoon phase is roughly a month or two, but all duties should have been clearly negotiated in the contract. And if you're paying anything less than $22/hour in this area, with twins who have so many caregivers at their ages? You won't keep a good nanny at less, not with the baggage.

[Anonymous]

If you had many nannies then they're not happy with the job. Buy a lighter stroller. Discipline your child, don't spoil your kid, your gonna make the job harder for nanny.

[Anonymous]

Also before hiring you should ask her if she's fine doing the things you would want her to do.

[Anonymous]

If all you are paying is what you would pay for day care, that is a big part of your issue. You don't have to pay $2,000 a week, but more than $600/week would get you better candidates.

[Anonymous]

If you say they have all "slacked off," then you are the problem as it is not likely that so many go down hill so fast. I suspect that you are impossible to work for and pay very poorly.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has never "slacked off" one minute of one day in the 12 years she has been with us.

YOU are the problem, OP. Figure out what your personality failing is or send your kids to daycare and bitch about any number of teachers.

[Anonymous]

As a mom of 5 year old twins, I say put your twins in Kindercare.
It is reliable, the twins are old enough to get some benefit out of it. They will like the activities, learn to eat well with the other kids, get used to a routine.
Maybe your streak of bad nannies is a sign- telling you to try something different.
I did an Au Pair for my twins due to cost, but before they were born, I put my older kid in Kindercare when she was almost 2 until almost 4. She loved it, thrived, and still has fond memories of it.

[Anonymous]

You are clearly cut out to be a daycare mother, OP. Go to a large center like a Bright Horizons where there is enough staff and new teachers every year to absorb your unpleasantness. Clearly you are not cut out to manage a nanny. With two kids it will probably be about the same cost as your departing nanny.

[Anonymous]

To answer the question in the title of this thread, no they do not all start strong then slack off.

I have been with my current family four years. I would say it is just the opposite. Now that I have been with the family for a while, I know where the pots and pan are, and the spices, etc. so I can whip up a meal much more quickly than in my early days with this family. If there is a spill, I know where the towels and mops and brooms are. I know how to work the washer and dryer and microwave much better than when I first started with them.
I know the kids and the parents and their personalities and we all know our expectations of each other. It's a much smoother operation than in the early days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the title of this thread, no they do not all start strong then slack off.

I have been with my current family four years. I would say it is just the opposite. Now that I have been with the family for a while, I know where the pots and pan are, and the spices, etc. so I can whip up a meal much more quickly than in my early days with this family. If there is a spill, I know where the towels and mops and brooms are. I know how to work the washer and dryer and microwave much better than when I first started with them.
I know the kids and the parents and their personalities and we all know our expectations of each other. It's a much smoother operation than in the early days.

This has been my experience too. Things usually start out rougher and then smooth out as everyone gets comfortable with each other. I think a lot of moms don't realize what it's like to go into someone else's home and work. Some people are totally fine with XYZ and others will flip out about the same thing. What seems like common sense to you might be the exact opposite to someone else. It takes courage to walk into someone else's kitchen and start opening drawers, cabinets and fridges to find what you need and then use it. It takes courage to go into someone else's bedroom to find the blanket the kid can't sleep without. It takes courage to transfer someone else's underwear from the washer to the dryer so you can run a load of diapers. Let that sink in for a while, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the title of this thread, no they do not all start strong then slack off.

I have been with my current family four years. I would say it is just the opposite. Now that I have been with the family for a while, I know where the pots and pan are, and the spices, etc. so I can whip up a meal much more quickly than in my early days with this family. If there is a spill, I know where the towels and mops and brooms are. I know how to work the washer and dryer and microwave much better than when I first started with them.
I know the kids and the parents and their personalities and we all know our expectations of each other. It's a much smoother operation than in the early days.

Exactly! After time goes on everyone is more comfortable. I can anticipate needs and wants, I know that when they say they're going away this weekend that I should make sure everything they'll want for the kids is packed and ready before they have to ask. I know where everything goes and if I can't find it, I don't feel weird asking. The kids know exactly what my rules are and we understand each other.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that you had nanny-level expectations for your teo au pairs. That is like buying a used chevy and expecting it to drive like a Porsche. After that, you were a little bitter and mistrustful which made all the top-shelf nannies bail before they even got to the interview stage. A lot of parents get stuck in this mindset of “I hired the best nanny I interviewed. My nanny sucks. Even the best nannies must suck.” The problem with that mindset is that experienced and qualified nannies are very picky about who we work for and will opt out after even one red flag. The best nannies are interviewing you as much as you are interviewing them, and you may be saying or doing something in the ad or the early email communications or in the phone interview that is turning off the small number of people who could actually handle twin toddlers with grace and precision.

So please take it seriously but not personally when we say the problem is you. You may be a lovely person and employer, but the odds are that there is something in your ads or in the job itself or in your interview process that is not working.

Possibilities:
Location
Hours
Benefits
Pay
Housekeeping expectations (even bringing up housekeeping in the ad is often a red flag depending on how it is phrased)
Discipline style
Communication style
Where you are looking for nannies
Peculiar requirements of the job
And many other things. If you want to post a sample ad (with details changed of course), we can give feedback on that.

[Anonymous]

I’d youve been trough that many nannies/au pairs then you are clearly the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. In-home care can be high-quality and meet the expectations you're laying out. In particular, dishonesty is grounds for dismissal with no notice in my nanny contract. I will give the benefit of the doubt on things that may reasonably be misinterpretations or memory lapses, but I absolutely will leave my kid alone with someone I think is lying to me.

It does take careful screening, interviewing and trial periods to ensure you are hiring the right person, but if you feel like you are running a rigorous process there and still getting people who turn out to be duds after a while, it could be your compensation. If the nanny is full-time, the right benchmark is whether what you are paying her is a good living wage in your area and what is appropriate for her experience, not how much daycare would cost you or her previous salary (after all, there must be some reason why she was looking to leave!). People get demotivated very quickly if they realize they are being underpaid. And daycare is a perfectly acceptable solution if your budget can get you better quality daycare than nanny care.

As for this specific nanny: a Montessori teacher's job description probably does not involve brushing teeth, stroller folder or high chair cleaning, and if she nannied older children before, those may not be part of the job either, so it is possible she doesn't realize those are integral parts of the job when providing in-home care to 18-month olds. Not trying to justify that behavior -- only to say it is a poor match of expectations. You may want to take a second look at your job description to make sure it's detailed enough, and then give specific examples or a daily routine during the interview/trial day. You could try to address this with the current nanny in a serious talk and another "shadow" day (where you show her all the things you believe are important for her to do) -- but if not, at least do this with the next nanny candidate you hire.

Agree. Do half day trials before making an offer. Montessori trained or previous preschool experience is not all that. I learned that whether the person graduated from high school or not, whether they speak English fluently or not, is way less important than a person’s character and personality (proactive v passive, diligent or not). You can get hints about that just chatting to them about various topics. I also learned I prefer the 50 years plus crowd rather than the one that looks good on paper except they are young (23-26). Try older candidates who have older or adult kids. As for your current nanny, fire her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have numerous issues.

Au pairs aren't prepared to care for infants, even if they are "infant-qualified." Asking an au pair to care for infant twins is foolhardy, especially if you were picky about anything related to housework versus strictly childcare. Au pairs are NOT nannies, and the standards are completely different. Many, many Au pairs go into rematch, the commitment is only one year, this isn't their career... apples to oranges, it's not a good comparison.

Trial days are precisely that. It's part of the interview process. At that point, hire is contingent on decent performance; they didn't perform, so they weren't hired.

So, that means two nannies for any length of time. Given that the twins are so young, it is still very concerning. Honeymoon phase is roughly a month or two, but all duties should have been clearly negotiated in the contract. And if you're paying anything less than $22/hour in this area, with twins who have so many caregivers at their ages? You won't keep a good nanny at less, not with the baggage.

This. I’m a MB. Don’t do au pair for infant twins or toddlers!!! Au pairs are a lot like having a teenager around. They are more commonly closer to neighborhood high school or college babysitters level, rather than at professional nanny level. I think daycare would be better, else just keep trying. I think it’s human nature to slack off. But as long as they self correct within days or a few weeks, I think it’s acceptable and totally normal. Frankly, are at 100 percent at your job every single day? What if there is stuff going on in your personal life (kids sick for a long time, marital troubles, health issues, whatever). People are not robots.