Unspoken caste system?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree it's not necessarily a caste thing. Some moms would prefer not to hang out with nannies, but plenty are okay with it. One of our playdates includes a couple nannies and another of my mom friends' best "mom friend" is a nanny. Not all MBs are snobs about nannies.

I do agree with PPs that it's probably the dynamic of you as teacher and your group as a class as well as your and your charge's ages that discourage reciprocation. I host a class at my home and even though someone else teaches, it's a lot of work for me to host, as you well know. I don't expect reciprocation as most people don't have the space to host playdates, but we also get very little acknowledgment. I don't think these moms are jerks, they probably just never thought about it. Given the age of your charge, playdates are just as much about the moms/nannies hanging out as it is the kids and you are significantly older than the moms in the group. Once your charge is older and making her own friends, your age won't matter so much.

Last thing I'll say is that I think it's a little weird that you undertook the workload of leading a weekly educational playgroup for such a large group of kids considering you're not even friends with the other moms. I'm a SAHM and only ever invite moms I'm friends with and 1-2 tops to do the kind of stuff you are talking about.

OP here. I do it for MY CHARGE. At every preschool interview her parents have been at so far this year, the question of classes and playgroups always comes up. And the administrators are very impressed with our organized playgroup. Again, I am 60 years old with a rich and wonderful social life - I am not facilitating the play group to make friends.

I just want my charge to get more experience playing at other children's houses - that is the only reason I want to be invited for a play date occassionaly.

So, when is this child going to preschool? Soon?

Take her to the library story time if parents don't want to pay for classes. We are all telling you that the problem is that you are coming across as the teacher. This is not how people make friends and organize play dates. It just isn't. How many times in your many years of nannying have you asked the teacher or library leader for a play date? It really doesn't matter that your child is there, too. You're expecting people to respond to a regular, scheduled, facilitated, and organized event (run by a professional, experienced teacher/caregiver, no less), with a casual invitation for an afternoon one-on-one play date. This isn't the way to make that happen. Invite one or two kids, drop the craft, the book, etc., etc. Make it easier on yourself and get to know the moms.

I'm actually getting the vibe that you have no interest in socializing with the adults; you just want the experience for your charge. Well, as a SAHM, I want the socializing for me, not just the experience for my child, who I think has plenty of play dates and classes (and gym daycare) time with adults I do want to hang out with. That's how play dates work. They aren't an appointment like a class.

OP here. My charge will start preschool next September. Why do you ask?

I think you might be on to something, PP - perhaps the mothers think of the playgroup I host as a class and don't think to reciprocate by asking us on a play-date. I want my charge to have experience playing at other children's homes - no other reason. I think the best think for me to do is simply bring it up.

I was asking because they're interviewing almost a year ahead of time, then, and it is in no way unusual that a child who is just over 1.5 hasn't had a lot of experience in formal classes or on play dates. I think it would be nice to do some of those things, but it would be odd that they're expecting a transcript from a child so young. It would make more sense if she were starting preschool at 3 or 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree it's not necessarily a caste thing. Some moms would prefer not to hang out with nannies, but plenty are okay with it. One of our playdates includes a couple nannies and another of my mom friends' best "mom friend" is a nanny. Not all MBs are snobs about nannies.

I do agree with PPs that it's probably the dynamic of you as teacher and your group as a class as well as your and your charge's ages that discourage reciprocation. I host a class at my home and even though someone else teaches, it's a lot of work for me to host, as you well know. I don't expect reciprocation as most people don't have the space to host playdates, but we also get very little acknowledgment. I don't think these moms are jerks, they probably just never thought about it. Given the age of your charge, playdates are just as much about the moms/nannies hanging out as it is the kids and you are significantly older than the moms in the group. Once your charge is older and making her own friends, your age won't matter so much.

Last thing I'll say is that I think it's a little weird that you undertook the workload of leading a weekly educational playgroup for such a large group of kids considering you're not even friends with the other moms. I'm a SAHM and only ever invite moms I'm friends with and 1-2 tops to do the kind of stuff you are talking about.

OP here. I do it for MY CHARGE. At every preschool interview her parents have been at so far this year, the question of classes and playgroups always comes up. And the administrators are very impressed with our organized playgroup. Again, I am 60 years old with a rich and wonderful social life - I am not facilitating the play group to make friends.

I just want my charge to get more experience playing at other children's houses - that is the only reason I want to be invited for a play date occassionaly.

So, when is this child going to preschool? Soon?

Take her to the library story time if parents don't want to pay for classes. We are all telling you that the problem is that you are coming across as the teacher. This is not how people make friends and organize play dates. It just isn't. How many times in your many years of nannying have you asked the teacher or library leader for a play date? It really doesn't matter that your child is there, too. You're expecting people to respond to a regular, scheduled, facilitated, and organized event (run by a professional, experienced teacher/caregiver, no less), with a casual invitation for an afternoon one-on-one play date. This isn't the way to make that happen. Invite one or two kids, drop the craft, the book, etc., etc. Make it easier on yourself and get to know the moms.

I'm actually getting the vibe that you have no interest in socializing with the adults; you just want the experience for your charge. Well, as a SAHM, I want the socializing for me, not just the experience for my child, who I think has plenty of play dates and classes (and gym daycare) time with adults I do want to hang out with. That's how play dates work. They aren't an appointment like a class.

OP here. My charge will start preschool next September. Why do you ask?

I think you might be on to something, PP - perhaps the mothers think of the playgroup I host as a class and don't think to reciprocate by asking us on a play-date. I want my charge to have experience playing at other children's homes - no other reason. I think the best think for me to do is simply bring it up.

I was asking because they're interviewing almost a year ahead of time, then, and it is in no way unusual that a child who is just over 1.5 hasn't had a lot of experience in formal classes or on play dates. I think it would be nice to do some of those things, but it would be odd that they're expecting a transcript from a child so young. It would make more sense if she were starting preschool at 3 or 4.

Those questions were on every preschool application her parents filled out. All very highly sough after preschools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree it's not necessarily a caste thing. Some moms would prefer not to hang out with nannies, but plenty are okay with it. One of our playdates includes a couple nannies and another of my mom friends' best "mom friend" is a nanny. Not all MBs are snobs about nannies.

I do agree with PPs that it's probably the dynamic of you as teacher and your group as a class as well as your and your charge's ages that discourage reciprocation. I host a class at my home and even though someone else teaches, it's a lot of work for me to host, as you well know. I don't expect reciprocation as most people don't have the space to host playdates, but we also get very little acknowledgment. I don't think these moms are jerks, they probably just never thought about it. Given the age of your charge, playdates are just as much about the moms/nannies hanging out as it is the kids and you are significantly older than the moms in the group. Once your charge is older and making her own friends, your age won't matter so much.

Last thing I'll say is that I think it's a little weird that you undertook the workload of leading a weekly educational playgroup for such a large group of kids considering you're not even friends with the other moms. I'm a SAHM and only ever invite moms I'm friends with and 1-2 tops to do the kind of stuff you are talking about.

OP here. I do it for MY CHARGE. At every preschool interview her parents have been at so far this year, the question of classes and playgroups always comes up. And the administrators are very impressed with our organized playgroup. Again, I am 60 years old with a rich and wonderful social life - I am not facilitating the play group to make friends.

I just want my charge to get more experience playing at other children's houses - that is the only reason I want to be invited for a play date occassionaly.

So, when is this child going to preschool? Soon?

Take her to the library story time if parents don't want to pay for classes. We are all telling you that the problem is that you are coming across as the teacher. This is not how people make friends and organize play dates. It just isn't. How many times in your many years of nannying have you asked the teacher or library leader for a play date? It really doesn't matter that your child is there, too. You're expecting people to respond to a regular, scheduled, facilitated, and organized event (run by a professional, experienced teacher/caregiver, no less), with a casual invitation for an afternoon one-on-one play date. This isn't the way to make that happen. Invite one or two kids, drop the craft, the book, etc., etc. Make it easier on yourself and get to know the moms.

I'm actually getting the vibe that you have no interest in socializing with the adults; you just want the experience for your charge. Well, as a SAHM, I want the socializing for me, not just the experience for my child, who I think has plenty of play dates and classes (and gym daycare) time with adults I do want to hang out with. That's how play dates work. They aren't an appointment like a class.

OP here. My charge will start preschool next September. Why do you ask?

I think you might be on to something, PP - perhaps the mothers think of the playgroup I host as a class and don't think to reciprocate by asking us on a play-date. I want my charge to have experience playing at other children's homes - no other reason. I think the best think for me to do is simply bring it up.

I was asking because they're interviewing almost a year ahead of time, then, and it is in no way unusual that a child who is just over 1.5 hasn't had a lot of experience in formal classes or on play dates. I think it would be nice to do some of those things, but it would be odd that they're expecting a transcript from a child so young. It would make more sense if she were starting preschool at 3 or 4.

Those questions were on every preschool application her parents filled out. All very highly sough after preschools

Just because they're on the application doesn't mean they have these expectations for 20-month-old babies. A lot of children don't start preschool at all, even "highly sought after" preschools, until 3 or 4. Those questions make sense for older children. Just tell them to make up something, anyway, and stop worrying about this so much. You don't have to do play dates at strangers' homes. You can take him to the park and the library, you can occasionally invite someone over. You can enroll her in Gymboree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree it's not necessarily a caste thing. Some moms would prefer not to hang out with nannies, but plenty are okay with it. One of our playdates includes a couple nannies and another of my mom friends' best "mom friend" is a nanny. Not all MBs are snobs about nannies.

I do agree with PPs that it's probably the dynamic of you as teacher and your group as a class as well as your and your charge's ages that discourage reciprocation. I host a class at my home and even though someone else teaches, it's a lot of work for me to host, as you well know. I don't expect reciprocation as most people don't have the space to host playdates, but we also get very little acknowledgment. I don't think these moms are jerks, they probably just never thought about it. Given the age of your charge, playdates are just as much about the moms/nannies hanging out as it is the kids and you are significantly older than the moms in the group. Once your charge is older and making her own friends, your age won't matter so much.

Last thing I'll say is that I think it's a little weird that you undertook the workload of leading a weekly educational playgroup for such a large group of kids considering you're not even friends with the other moms. I'm a SAHM and only ever invite moms I'm friends with and 1-2 tops to do the kind of stuff you are talking about.

OP here. I do it for MY CHARGE. At every preschool interview her parents have been at so far this year, the question of classes and playgroups always comes up. And the administrators are very impressed with our organized playgroup. Again, I am 60 years old with a rich and wonderful social life - I am not facilitating the play group to make friends.

I just want my charge to get more experience playing at other children's houses - that is the only reason I want to be invited for a play date occassionaly.

So, when is this child going to preschool? Soon?

Take her to the library story time if parents don't want to pay for classes. We are all telling you that the problem is that you are coming across as the teacher. This is not how people make friends and organize play dates. It just isn't. How many times in your many years of nannying have you asked the teacher or library leader for a play date? It really doesn't matter that your child is there, too. You're expecting people to respond to a regular, scheduled, facilitated, and organized event (run by a professional, experienced teacher/caregiver, no less), with a casual invitation for an afternoon one-on-one play date. This isn't the way to make that happen. Invite one or two kids, drop the craft, the book, etc., etc. Make it easier on yourself and get to know the moms.

I'm actually getting the vibe that you have no interest in socializing with the adults; you just want the experience for your charge. Well, as a SAHM, I want the socializing for me, not just the experience for my child, who I think has plenty of play dates and classes (and gym daycare) time with adults I do want to hang out with. That's how play dates work. They aren't an appointment like a class.

OP here. My charge will start preschool next September. Why do you ask?

I think you might be on to something, PP - perhaps the mothers think of the playgroup I host as a class and don't think to reciprocate by asking us on a play-date. I want my charge to have experience playing at other children's homes - no other reason. I think the best think for me to do is simply bring it up.

I was asking because they're interviewing almost a year ahead of time, then, and it is in no way unusual that a child who is just over 1.5 hasn't had a lot of experience in formal classes or on play dates. I think it would be nice to do some of those things, but it would be odd that they're expecting a transcript from a child so young. It would make more sense if she were starting preschool at 3 or 4.

Those questions were on every preschool application her parents filled out. All very highly sough after preschools

Just because they're on the application doesn't mean they have these expectations for 20-month-old babies. A lot of children don't start preschool at all, even "highly sought after" preschools, until 3 or 4. Those questions make sense for older children. Just tell them to make up something, anyway, and stop worrying about this so much. You don't have to do play dates at strangers' homes. You can take him to the park and the library, you can occasionally invite someone over. You can enroll her in Gymboree.

No, these were all for children coming in at 2 on September 1, 2018. They all asked about playgroups and classes and to describe them. I don't know what else to tell you. I saw all the applications. One of the preschools accepts 5% of applicants so very, very sought-after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were 20-40, would you want to hang out with a 60 year old who is basically the age of your mom?

OP you just got your answer right there.

Believe me, I understand that 100% - I don't want to hang out with 20-40 year old either. I am doing this for my charge who would benefit from being at other kids' houses especially as the weather changes and we spend less time outdoors.

The 20-40 year olds don't have a problem eating our snacks, using our paints and paper, play-dough, sensory bins, and toys. The mothers actually ask me a lot of child development questions but no - I don't need new friends. My little charge does.

Ugh, sorry OP, they do sound like freeloaders, although there is a (small) chance they just don't understand it's expected of them to reciprocate. They could just be cluelessly taking you for granted. Is there one in the group that seems a bit nicer, a bit kinder, a bit more ... human? You could perhaps pull her aside and ask if she thinks there would be interest in having the playgroup held at different people's houses with the winter approaching and all. If she doesn't seem enthusiastic to help you out, you could perhaps ask one more person informally about the idea, and if that doesn't work either, then drop it.

I've learned from my mom not to give too much if I even subconsciously expect something in return (she was the opposite of calculating, but eventually suffered from being overly generous to others her whole life, and I don't want to be in the same situation).

[Anonymous]

I would think that you are doing all of this for the kids w/out expecting anything in return.

If you do appreciate it if the Mothers take a turn hosting as well, then you need to let them know.

They likely think you are volunteering to do all of this on your own accord.

This has nothing to do w/a caste system in my opinion.
Perhaps just a misunderstanding of sorts.