Need around the clock help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

OP, people have WAY more children than this with no help.

Who cares about other people? OP, ignore all the idiots who are trying to shame you. It doesn't matter that other people have more children with less. OP is who she is, she knows her needs and she wants help. There's nothing wrong with that! I hate this particularly American sense of needless heroism. Most of the world takes it as gospel that mothers need help, especially working mothers. OP, I hope you find what you're looking for, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Ok, but if you truly need 24/7 help for 3 kids, you've overextended yourself in some way. Either in too much work or too many kids, but something.

She said she needs evening and weekend help. If her DH isn't around then she may - I know I would. Just because people can get by with less quality time and no self care doesn't mean that anyone should if they can afford not to.

.... In addition to the all day care she already has.

And sorry, people are jumping on her because she sounds spoiled. Weekly sitter? Sure. Every evening and all weekend? That's excessive, even if DH isn't around. When is she going to actually see her kids?

Who cares if you think she is spoiled? I don't think she asked for anyone's opinion on whether she "ought" to be able to do it. Perhaps she isn't interested in the amount of stress you "think" she should be taking on. Whether it's excessive or not, it's her business, not anyone else's. It's not your business when she's going to "actually" see her kids. The woman needs help, she ought to be able to go out and buy some.

I'm sorry you have nothing better to do than be a bitch...

She obviously lacks a lot of common sense if, in addition to being unable to care for her kids, she can't figure out how many caregivers she will need.

And it wasn't my business, or anyone else's, until she made it that way by posting. Sorry, zero fucks to give in the sympathy department.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

OP, people have WAY more children than this with no help.

Who cares about other people? OP, ignore all the idiots who are trying to shame you. It doesn't matter that other people have more children with less. OP is who she is, she knows her needs and she wants help. There's nothing wrong with that! I hate this particularly American sense of needless heroism. Most of the world takes it as gospel that mothers need help, especially working mothers. OP, I hope you find what you're looking for, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Every good mother is a working mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

OP, people have WAY more children than this with no help.

Who cares about other people? OP, ignore all the idiots who are trying to shame you. It doesn't matter that other people have more children with less. OP is who she is, she knows her needs and she wants help. There's nothing wrong with that! I hate this particularly American sense of needless heroism. Most of the world takes it as gospel that mothers need help, especially working mothers. OP, I hope you find what you're looking for, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Every good mother is a working mother.

...Not every good working mother needs her own employment check. Sometimes the other parent does that part of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll need multiple nannies if you need around the clock help.

But plenty of people handle evenings with three kids on their own.

I did but I am organized and have no use for whining. Old enough to bring three children into world OP and you know your DH is not here to help, then you are not very smart, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll need multiple nannies if you need around the clock help.

But plenty of people handle evenings with three kids on their own.

I did but I am organized and have no use for whining. Old enough to bring three children into world OP and you know your DH is not here to help, then you are not very smart, are you?

Perhaps she does not want to be like you, and totally understandable - your particular combo of bitchiness and working too much is unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

OP, people have WAY more children than this with no help.

Who cares about other people? OP, ignore all the idiots who are trying to shame you. It doesn't matter that other people have more children with less. OP is who she is, she knows her needs and she wants help. There's nothing wrong with that! I hate this particularly American sense of needless heroism. Most of the world takes it as gospel that mothers need help, especially working mothers. OP, I hope you find what you're looking for, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Every good mother is a working mother.

That's a bit of an over generalization. I know plenty of good mothers who stay at home with their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

OP, people have WAY more children than this with no help.

Who cares about other people? OP, ignore all the idiots who are trying to shame you. It doesn't matter that other people have more children with less. OP is who she is, she knows her needs and she wants help. There's nothing wrong with that! I hate this particularly American sense of needless heroism. Most of the world takes it as gospel that mothers need help, especially working mothers. OP, I hope you find what you're looking for, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Every good mother is a working mother.

That's a bit of an over generalization. I know plenty of good mothers who stay at home with their children.

Perhaps the immediate PP meant that every mother is a working mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll need multiple nannies if you need around the clock help.

But plenty of people handle evenings with three kids on their own.

I did but I am organized and have no use for whining. Old enough to bring three children into world OP and you know your DH is not here to help, then you are not very smart, are you?

Or wealthy enough to have as many children as she wants and hire help. Jealous much?

[Anonymous]

I think you shouldn't move. Just keep your current nanny and pay her a little more and add an extra hour in which she could help you get dinner ready and bathe the kids. If she isn't ready for that, let her go and get an agency to match you with a live out nanny....start the process soon. Don't get aupair or live in as you need accommodation for them as well and that would mean moving far away.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the advice helping & not attacking me! Wow- nothing like an anonymous board for people to act as mean as they want to. I should mention that my two are not great sleepers, so haven't had a good nights sleep in years, and my older daughter was an absolute terror for the first 6 months after my younger daughter was born. These two things together make me nervous for a third, and it wasn't planned, but it happened and I am going to try to enjoy it as much as possible.

I am going to take the advice to not move further away for the time being, and possibly get a mothers helper in the evening, for an extra set to hands and to help with the newborn while I take tend to the older two.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I was an evening mother's helper a couple of years back. There were 4 kids, 5yo, 3yo and newborn twins. The older kids were in part-time daycare and had a nanny until, I think, 5pm, and then I came in from 6pm to 9pm to literally be an extra set of hands: help tidy up after dinner and during bath, mind the babies while the mom put the older two to bed. She was very involved and an excellent mother and she perfectly knew that she wouldn't be able to give quality time to any of the children completely on her own, so she asked for help. Which is what a smart and caring mother would do. I stayed a bit over a year, and once the babies became a bit less work they went back to just having their daytime nanny.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I was an evening mother's helper a couple of years back. There were 4 kids, 5yo, 3yo and newborn twins. The older kids were in part-time daycare and had a nanny until, I think, 5pm, and then I came in from 6pm to 9pm to literally be an extra set of hands: help tidy up after dinner and during bath, mind the babies while the mom put the older two to bed. She was very involved and an excellent mother and she perfectly knew that she wouldn't be able to give quality time to any of the children completely on her own, so she asked for help. Which is what a smart and caring mother would do. I stayed a bit over a year, and once the babies became a bit less work they went back to just having their daytime nanny.

Good luck!

Not the op, but would you mind sharing how much something like that costs? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I was an evening mother's helper a couple of years back. There were 4 kids, 5yo, 3yo and newborn twins. The older kids were in part-time daycare and had a nanny until, I think, 5pm, and then I came in from 6pm to 9pm to literally be an extra set of hands: help tidy up after dinner and during bath, mind the babies while the mom put the older two to bed. She was very involved and an excellent mother and she perfectly knew that she wouldn't be able to give quality time to any of the children completely on her own, so she asked for help. Which is what a smart and caring mother would do. I stayed a bit over a year, and once the babies became a bit less work they went back to just having their daytime nanny.

Good luck!

Not the op, but would you mind sharing how much something like that costs? Thanks.

I paid $15/hr for our mother's helper. If she ever had the kids on her own (we had three), we paid $18/hr. That mostly happened on days she filled in for our regular nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I was an evening mother's helper a couple of years back. There were 4 kids, 5yo, 3yo and newborn twins. The older kids were in part-time daycare and had a nanny until, I think, 5pm, and then I came in from 6pm to 9pm to literally be an extra set of hands: help tidy up after dinner and during bath, mind the babies while the mom put the older two to bed. She was very involved and an excellent mother and she perfectly knew that she wouldn't be able to give quality time to any of the children completely on her own, so she asked for help. Which is what a smart and caring mother would do. I stayed a bit over a year, and once the babies became a bit less work they went back to just having their daytime nanny.

Good luck!

Not the op, but would you mind sharing how much something like that costs? Thanks.

I'm not in the US so it would be useless, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

So even supplementing your current nanny with an AuPair ( and I say supplement because an AP cannot work the long hours you need) will cost you when it is all said and done, 25K/yr. This breaks down to around 2K/mo. Why not just buy a bigger home near your job with that extra money you will be spending and skip the horrible commute? 2K in extra mortgage is 300K+ in additional financing?

I live "far out" in Ashburn, but both DH and I commute to Reston, which takes us 20min. No way in hell with a young family would I purposely create a horrible commute situation for myself. what you are suggesting is sacrificing time with your children, in return for a bigger home and higher child care expenses. Terrible idea. Only move out if you are following better job opportunities.