Rematch when AP endangered my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - just now checking back in. This is my fourth year of hosting an AP. She was driving our car. We had taken the car seat out so a friend could take our son somewhere and hadn't put it back yet. This should not have been a concern as there was no need for her to be driving anywhere. I guess she was running late to pick up my son at school and decided to drive. (School is only a few blocks away and we generally expect her to walk to/from school.) She not only drove him home without a car seat, she also drove past our house to go run an errand in the neighborhood. She did not mention this to us, our son did.

While she was absolutely wrong, so were you. Car seat should have been installed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - just now checking back in. This is my fourth year of hosting an AP. She was driving our car. We had taken the car seat out so a friend could take our son somewhere and hadn't put it back yet. This should not have been a concern as there was no need for her to be driving anywhere. I guess she was running late to pick up my son at school and decided to drive. (School is only a few blocks away and we generally expect her to walk to/from school.) She not only drove him home without a car seat, she also drove past our house to go run an errand in the neighborhood. She did not mention this to us, our son did.

While she was absolutely wrong, so were you. Car seat should have been installed.

We move car seats around all thr time and our AuPair of average intelligence and basic common sense puts the seat in the car before driving.

If an AP cant manage to adapt to this situation, she needs to return home and start fresh on the fry machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - just now checking back in. This is my fourth year of hosting an AP. She was driving our car. We had taken the car seat out so a friend could take our son somewhere and hadn't put it back yet. This should not have been a concern as there was no need for her to be driving anywhere. I guess she was running late to pick up my son at school and decided to drive. (School is only a few blocks away and we generally expect her to walk to/from school.) She not only drove him home without a car seat, she also drove past our house to go run an errand in the neighborhood. She did not mention this to us, our son did.

While she was absolutely wrong, so were you. Car seat should have been installed.

We move car seats around all thr time and our AuPair of average intelligence and basic common sense puts the seat in the car before driving.

If an AP cant manage to adapt to this situation, she needs to return home and start fresh on the fry machine.

OP put her AP in a lose/lose situation: Be late for pick up, or take the car without a car seat (or take the car and realize once there that you are missing the car seat?). This should be easily avoided by having a seat in all cars used to transport the children. Of course this could have been avoided if AP were early for pick up- but that is something that could happen to any of us and being 'almost late' or even late by a few minutes does not endanger anyone.

I think this is a prime example that we should not jump to conclusion. We often hear only parts of the story (from either side) and make the other party appear like a monster.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure that most of the PP's responding that "well, did she know a car seat is required? Did you spell it out for her?" are not actually part of the AP program, or at least are not with CCAP. The orientation week that CCAP drills this into the APs heads. All APs know that car seats are required here in the U.S., just like all HFs know that the hours are capped.

I would definitely rematch after this, and officially, you are supposed to continue housing her, but I've seen enough rematch APs living with their LCC during rematch to know that somehow families can get out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure that most of the PP's responding that "well, did she know a car seat is required? Did you spell it out for her?" are not actually part of the AP program, or at least are not with CCAP. The orientation week that CCAP drills this into the APs heads. All APs know that car seats are required here in the U.S., just like all HFs know that the hours are capped.

I would definitely rematch after this, and officially, you are supposed to continue housing her, but I've seen enough rematch APs living with their LCC during rematch to know that somehow families can get out of it.

Well, isn't that a great thing... Encourage someone to "get out of" a contractual commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure that most of the PP's responding that "well, did she know a car seat is required? Did you spell it out for her?" are not actually part of the AP program, or at least are not with CCAP. The orientation week that CCAP drills this into the APs heads. All APs know that car seats are required here in the U.S., just like all HFs know that the hours are capped.

I would definitely rematch after this, and officially, you are supposed to continue housing her, but I've seen enough rematch APs living with their LCC during rematch to know that somehow families can get out of it.

Well, isn't that a great thing... Encourage someone to "get out of" a contractual commitment.

I'm not encouraging anything, but stating what I've observed - if the situation has gotten tense enough that neither party can stand to be in the same room as the other, then the AP stays with the LCC. It's part of the job description for an LCC - being able to temporarily house rematch APs. It's not advertised to HFs, but I interviewed a bunch of rematch APs when I was in a rush to get my first ASAP and all of them were staying with LCCs, rather than their HFs - and it seemed like the APs were the ones who could no longer stand to be the families, rather than them getting kicked out.

[Anonymous]

WTF do you expect when you hire a 19 year old? You expect these children to act like experienced nannies. They're not!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF do you expect when you hire a 19 year old? You expect these children to act like experienced nannies. They're not!!!

What do I expect? I expect a smart, motivated, somewhat experienced childcare provider who is proactive, engaged, energetic, and open to guidance and support on how to be excellent...and this is exactly what I have gotten in the last 10 years of hosting 19, 20, and 21 year old au pairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF do you expect when you hire a 19 year old? You expect these children to act like experienced nannies. They're not!!!

What do I expect? I expect a smart, motivated, somewhat experienced childcare provider who is proactive, engaged, energetic, and open to guidance and support on how to be excellent...and this is exactly what I have gotten in the last 10 years of hosting 19, 20, and 21 year old au pairs.

Ignore the trolly nannies, OP. They are all about tearing down the AP program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP put her AP in a lose/lose situation: Be late for pick up, or take the car without a car seat (or take the car and realize once there that you are missing the car seat?). This should be easily avoided by having a seat in all cars used to transport the children. Of course this could have been avoided if AP were early for pick up- but that is something that could happen to any of us and being 'almost late' or even late by a few minutes does not endanger anyone.

I think this is a prime example that we should not jump to conclusion. We often hear only parts of the story (from either side) and make the other party appear like a monster.

I would expect my childcare provider to be on time every single time. And I would expect that if they were late for some reason and decided to take the car a few blocks, then she would confirm that my 3yo was buckled in appropriately before driving. And if the carseat wasn't in the car, then I would expect her to call or text me to ask me where the carseat was. And if she couldn't reach me, I would expect her to run like crazy the few blocks to pick up my older child so that she was only a couple minutes late (because really, how much faster is it to drive a few blocks than to walk? - and in your words, being a few minutes late "does not endanger anyone"). And I most certainly would expect that she would not knowingly drive without my 3yo in a carseat and then continue on to run an errand with her not buckled in.

If a childcare provider drove my 3yo without a carseat barring a huge emergency (e.g., terrorist attack and need to get out of the area quickly) and especially did so without trying to contact me first, then she would no longer be my childcare provider. Carseat use is absolutely basic and they drill this into all au pairs during training and so do host parents. And if she did this and then didn't tell me about it? Forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP put her AP in a lose/lose situation: Be late for pick up, or take the car without a car seat (or take the car and realize once there that you are missing the car seat?). This should be easily avoided by having a seat in all cars used to transport the children. Of course this could have been avoided if AP were early for pick up- but that is something that could happen to any of us and being 'almost late' or even late by a few minutes does not endanger anyone.

I think this is a prime example that we should not jump to conclusion. We often hear only parts of the story (from either side) and make the other party appear like a monster.

I would expect my childcare provider to be on time every single time. And I would expect that if they were late for some reason and decided to take the car a few blocks, then she would confirm that my 3yo was buckled in appropriately before driving. And if the carseat wasn't in the car, then I would expect her to call or text me to ask me where the carseat was. And if she couldn't reach me, I would expect her to run like crazy the few blocks to pick up my older child so that she was only a couple minutes late (because really, how much faster is it to drive a few blocks than to walk? - and in your words, being a few minutes late "does not endanger anyone"). And I most certainly would expect that she would not knowingly drive without my 3yo in a carseat and then continue on to run an errand with her not buckled in.

If a childcare provider drove my 3yo without a carseat barring a huge emergency (e.g., terrorist attack and need to get out of the area quickly) and especially did so without trying to contact me first, then she would no longer be my childcare provider. Carseat use is absolutely basic and they drill this into all au pairs during training and so do host parents. And if she did this and then didn't tell me about it? Forget it.

Not trying to excuse the AP, but OP should take some blame for putting AP in this situation. And then calling rematch and not wanting to host her for the mandatory two weeks? Seems harsh and unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP put her AP in a lose/lose situation: Be late for pick up, or take the car without a car seat (or take the car and realize once there that you are missing the car seat?). This should be easily avoided by having a seat in all cars used to transport the children. Of course this could have been avoided if AP were early for pick up- but that is something that could happen to any of us and being 'almost late' or even late by a few minutes does not endanger anyone.

I think this is a prime example that we should not jump to conclusion. We often hear only parts of the story (from either side) and make the other party appear like a monster.

I would expect my childcare provider to be on time every single time. And I would expect that if they were late for some reason and decided to take the car a few blocks, then she would confirm that my 3yo was buckled in appropriately before driving. And if the carseat wasn't in the car, then I would expect her to call or text me to ask me where the carseat was. And if she couldn't reach me, I would expect her to run like crazy the few blocks to pick up my older child so that she was only a couple minutes late (because really, how much faster is it to drive a few blocks than to walk? - and in your words, being a few minutes late "does not endanger anyone"). And I most certainly would expect that she would not knowingly drive without my 3yo in a carseat and then continue on to run an errand with her not buckled in.

If a childcare provider drove my 3yo without a carseat barring a huge emergency (e.g., terrorist attack and need to get out of the area quickly) and especially did so without trying to contact me first, then she would no longer be my childcare provider. Carseat use is absolutely basic and they drill this into all au pairs during training and so do host parents. And if she did this and then didn't tell me about it? Forget it.

Not trying to excuse the AP, but OP should take some blame for putting AP in this situation. And then calling rematch and not wanting to host her for the mandatory two weeks? Seems harsh and unfair.

I don't know how much blame the OP should take. She said AP walked to the bus stop since it was only a few blocks away and then ran an unscheduled errand. Therefore, I would think OP wouldn't have expected AP to use the car.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I mean to say that OP says AP USUALLY walks to the bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Does the AP even know how to properly install the car seat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP put her AP in a lose/lose situation: Be late for pick up, or take the car without a car seat (or take the car and realize once there that you are missing the car seat?). This should be easily avoided by having a seat in all cars used to transport the children. Of course this could have been avoided if AP were early for pick up- but that is something that could happen to any of us and being 'almost late' or even late by a few minutes does not endanger anyone.

I think this is a prime example that we should not jump to conclusion. We often hear only parts of the story (from either side) and make the other party appear like a monster.

She could have noticed she was running later (for whichever reason, it really doesn't matter why, for all we know she could have been taking classes which ran late or could have done housework she was aked to do - I doubt there is one person out there who has never been "last minute" on something), jumped in the car to pick the child up on time and when arriving at the school she could have noticed there was no car seat in the car.

Did she know where the car seat was? Did she know it wasn't still in your friend's car? When she got in the car, should she have noticed the car seat was not installed (ie. did it sit right next to the driver's door or was it in the hall or the kitchen or the basement where it could have been easily overlooked)? Did she know how to install it? Did she run an errand you had requested? Anything urgent?
Have you ever taken your child anywhere without a car seat? Could this be a case of "do as we say, not as we do"?
Did she admit she drove your son without a car seat or are you basing your accusations on something your three year old told you? Did she give a (any) reason for what she did?

What gets me is then driving past home to run another errand with the child in the car. I think I could overlook a short ride with no car seat, arriving at school by car to pick up the child to run an errand for the family after pick-up and then notice that the car seat isn't in the car, where it should be and would usually be... what to do? Leave the child behind, drive back home, park the car, walk back to pick up the child? Or walk home with the child, leave car at school, get car seat, carry car seat to school, drive back home with child? But at least from there on she should have been smart enough to drive home, put the car seat in the car and then run the errand.

My host parents left me without a car seat once (HD took the family car which had one car seat installed, HM took the van which had the second car seat installed due to a weekend trip) and I would never have taken the baby (then 2) for a ride anywhere without the seat. Yes it was a bit of a loss for me as we had had plans for the day and now were stuck at home but fortunately there was no real reason for us to drive anywhere (older kids came home by bus, nobody got sick and had to be picked up, no errands, no appointments etc.). Making sure the AP has the equipment necessary to do her job (car, car seat in the car - it doesn't matter if she usually drives, if there is any reason why she might have to pick up the child by car and would be allowed to pick up the child by car in an emergency or bad weather) is part of the host family's responsibility, that equipment should be readily available to her. After uninstalling the seat from the friend's car, it should have been installed in the car immediately. But it is also her responsibility to use said equipment and to know how to handle it. Going into rematch makes complete sense in this case but this is a situation you need to try to prevent in the future. And you need to provide your next AP with the necessary tools to handle a similar situation, some APs need it spelled out, not everybody is smart enough to realize how best to react in similar situations.