Help me figure out if this au pair is being mistreated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have to stay in the same agency to rematch?

Yes.
The familes can switch agencies, the au pair has to stay with the agency that sponsored her.

If the host family switches agencies mid-year during rematch, then you forfeit the program fee and still have to pay the prorated remaining program fee on the new AP you take on. That's a lot of money to waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have to stay in the same agency to rematch?

Yes.
The familes can switch agencies, the au pair has to stay with the agency that sponsored her.

If the host family switches agencies mid-year during rematch, then you forfeit the program fee and still have to pay the prorated remaining program fee on the new AP you take on. That's a lot of money to waste.

Agreed. To be more specific, you pay about $8,000 upfront for the year - you pay for an annual contract, not necessarily for the au pair you have. So if your au pair goes into rematch anytime before that year is up, sure you can switch if you want, but you are out thousands of dollars and then would have to spend another $8,000 to the new agency. So it's not so easy as just switching.

[Anonymous]

While I agree with the need for greater transparency, the trouble with this is that it is nearly impossible in many instances to clearly and objectively establish who the 'initiator' of a transition was. While the exit interview form should ask this, there are situations where either family or au pair could make a situation or environment almost untenable, triggering the other party to request transition. For the same reason most agencies have refund policies that do not allow for full refunds, even if your au pair leaves suddenly or 'without cause,' neither the agency or anyone else can really make that call as to who is 'at fault.' There are usually layers

With reporting of transition rates outright, there are a range of variables I would want to account for--length of time in the home, whether mediation was conducted, length of time and success rate of outgoing HF, tenure of LC, etc--that bigger picture outside family and au pair recruitment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each agency should be required to disclose what percentage of attempted rematches are successful for the au pairs. Many get sent home after the allowable 14 days.

I'm a host mom (not an AP program naysayer), but I think this is a really good idea.

I wish AP companies were forced to report:
1) how many rematches were initiated by their APs
2) how many rematches were initiated by the HFs
3) (how many were "mutual")
4) and how many rematches were successful.

I think this would shed a lot of light on which agencies really are doing their jobs well. I've been a HM for 8 years now. I've mostly had good experiences (2 rematches), but I think both the good matches and the bad matches are primarily a product of whether both parties have similar, reasonable expectations about what the program is or isn't.

If you saw an Agency with a high number of rematches, to me, that indicates that the agency is not doing a good job of educating the participants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each agency should be required to disclose what percentage of attempted rematches are successful for the au pairs. Many get sent home after the allowable 14 days.

I'm a host mom (not an AP program naysayer), but I think this is a really good idea.

I wish AP companies were forced to report:
1) how many rematches were initiated by their APs
2) how many rematches were initiated by the HFs
3) (how many were "mutual")
4) and how many rematches were successful.

I think this would shed a lot of light on which agencies really are doing their jobs well. I've been a HM for 8 years now. I've mostly had good experiences (2 rematches), but I think both the good matches and the bad matches are primarily a product of whether both parties have similar, reasonable expectations about what the program is or isn't.

If you saw an Agency with a high number of rematches, to me, that indicates that the agency is not doing a good job of educating the participants.

Exactly. Why aren't agencies disclosing their rate of:

1. Failed matches
2. Attempted rematches
3. Successful rematches

There's nothing complicated here. In fact, I'm certain each agency must keep these statistics, however private it may be. This would be the only way the owners could evaluate the competence of the matchmakers.
Also, where is the data on the exit interviews of the au pairs? Is this kept private as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have to stay in the same agency to rematch?

Yes.
The familes can switch agencies, the au pair has to stay with the agency that sponsored her.

If the host family switches agencies mid-year during rematch, then you forfeit the program fee and still have to pay the prorated remaining program fee on the new AP you take on. That's a lot of money to waste.

Most agencies would put the remaining funds on hold/credit and you could go back to them later and use them. So, in theory, you could have the situation that you didn't completely lose them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have to stay in the same agency to rematch?

Yes.
The familes can switch agencies, the au pair has to stay with the agency that sponsored her.

If the host family switches agencies mid-year during rematch, then you forfeit the program fee and still have to pay the prorated remaining program fee on the new AP you take on. That's a lot of money to waste.

Most agencies would put the remaining funds on hold/credit and you could go back to them later and use them. So, in theory, you could have the situation that you didn't completely lose them.

Seems shady.

[Anonymous]

She's being mistreated. I'm a HM. She should rematch. HFs would just love a girl that could tolerate a situation like this because it means that the little things in normal families won't bother her, she isn't entitled, and she would be very thankful to be treated well by a normal family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have to stay in the same agency to rematch?

Yes.
The familes can switch agencies, the au pair has to stay with the agency that sponsored her.

If the host family switches agencies mid-year during rematch, then you forfeit the program fee and still have to pay the prorated remaining program fee on the new AP you take on. That's a lot of money to waste.

PP.
Yes, it's a lot of money to waste but it IS possible for families to switch agencies mid-year. The question was not if it was sensible to do so. Additionaly, I read the "them" in the question to mean "the au pair" and in that case the answer would be yes, they have to stay in the same agency period

[I have read once that an au pair managed to switch agencies during her year but still think that was a rumor plus the sponsoring agency would have to agree to let her go and I would think that the agencies have some rules about that]

[Anonymous]

You should help her rematch. Perhaps you can help her without the mom finding out. You could call the agency anonymously to report what you posted, then the agency can rematch so the aupair can find a better place and not use the host family again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should help her rematch. Perhaps you can help her without the mom finding out. You could call the agency anonymously to report what you posted, then the agency can rematch so the aupair can find a better place and not use the host family again.

But as nearly everyone said above, while this isn't a great gig, it also isn't one that is against the rules (aside from the weekend away, and it doesn't sound as though OP even knows for sure that the grandparents aren't coming or that the AP isn't getting extra money - which isn't something we would do but lots of people on this site do and don't consider themselves horrible HPs). Agencies do not simply remove APs without cause nor do they kick HFs out just because a former AP thinks but isn't sure that her friend might be not very hospitable to her AP.

Op, have you even talked to the AP to know whether she is unhappy or are you just projecting onto her from your own impressions? Could it be possible, for example, that the AP is a slob so the HM asked her to take "her things" out of the bathroom each day but the HM meant dirty underwear and blobby toothpaste residue rather than her shampoo and her toothbrush? Do you know for sure that your impressions are really what is going on and not just your read on the situation skewed by your own funny feeling about having switched from being an AP to being friends with HMs?

[Anonymous]

Is she still suffering in that awful situation?

[Anonymous]

OP here again, She is not happy but thinks this is just the way it has to be.
For the weekend away they have agreed ( after a hissy fit from the Mom) to pay her time and a half based on her au pair hourly rate, for the hours over her regular hours.
She has less than 6 months left so doesnt think anyone will want her as a rematch.
I am going to call the agency after she has left so that she doesnt get into trouble for speaking to me.