Help me figure out if this au pair is being mistreated
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Anonymous
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I was an an au pair 20 years ago, Had an awful family for 5 weeks and then rematched and got a great family here in DC. The awful family went through another au pair before they actually did any serious investigating and told them they were not suitable for the program,
fast Forward 20 years, I am a Mom and have a group of Mom friends. One of them doesnt work but has 2 young kids ( 2 and 6 mos) so has an au pair. She is through Cultural Care au pair. Hours are one issue I see, Because the Mom is home she will give her off the time the kids nap, getting her to work more hours in a day. Is that allowed? I know youre allowed to split the day for school but for naps? She also has her working every weekend ( both days) and gives her a day and a half off mid week. She only gets one weekend off a month. IM pretty sure this is allowed but doesnt seem fair and in the spirit of the program if she is not off when her friends are. This parents are going away for a weekend at the end of Nov and leaving the kids with the au pair for 2 days/2nights. Is this allowed? She has her own bathroom but cant leave anything in it as its also the guest bathroom, not even her shower stuff. Are au pairs that live away from a metro supposed to have access to a car when theyre off? This family live nowhere near a metro/bus. They took 4 mos to get a 3rd car so the au pair didnt have one when she was off because one of the parents had it. Im in a tough place because I feel for this girl who is super nice, but I am 'friends' with the Mom. |
Anonymous
As long as it leaves a "meaningful" break this is allowed. Each agency seems to have their own rules about duration when it comes to time off being considered a real break. If the kids are napping for multiple hours AND the au pair is allowed to leave the house then yes, Mom can do that. 30 minute naps and AP needs to stay home because Mom needs her if the kids wake up would most likely not be okay with the agency. A split schedule is not only allowed for school but for any reason. She could just as well ask her au pair to work from 9 - 11 am and then from 3 pm to 11 pm if that is what she wanted. Unfortunately, the flexible program rules offer many ways for "abuse".
As you said, allowed. Fair or not doesn't really matter. Is it "nice", especially if Mom is home with her and the kids? Probably not. But that's how the rules are.
No. She cannot work more than 10 hrs / day. She cannot be alone with the children from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. What they can do is have granny (or whoever) stay for the weekend and have the AP work her regular hours those days for support.
Again, not nice but...
No. There is no rule that any family, metro access or not, has to provide the au pair with access to a car. They have to make sure she can take her classes and attend her meetings but that's it.
What you can do is tell mom of your own experiences as an au pair and hope she gets it. As she is mostly sticking to the rules the agency and government have set and provided... she doesn't have to change anything (besides leaving AP alone with the kids for a weekend). |
Anonymous
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Thanks for breaking it down for me 04:46
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Anonymous
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She is through Cultural Care au pair. Hours are one issue Q1: I see, Because the Mom is home she will give her off the time the kids nap, getting her to work more hours in a day. Is that allowed? I know youre allowed to split the day for school but for naps?
A1: If the nap times vary from day to day and the naps are not at least two hours long, then it's against the rules to count that as off the clock. If the AP is effectively "on call" in case the baby wakes up early, that's also not off the clock. Q2: She also has her working every weekend ( both days) and gives her a day and a half off mid week. She only gets one weekend off a month. IM pretty sure this is allowed but doesnt seem fair and in the spirit of the program if she is not off when her friends are. A2: 1.5 days off per week + one full weekend off per month is within the CCAP guidelines. Q3: This parents are going away for a weekend at the end of Nov and leaving the kids with the au pair for 2 days/2nights. Is this allowed? A3: No. If the LCC finds out about that, it's grounds for being removed from the program. Q4: She has her own bathroom but cant leave anything in it as its also the guest bathroom, not even her shower stuff. A4: Super weird, but not against any rules I know of, probably because it never occurred to anyone that there needs to be a rule about that. Q5: Are au pairs that live away from a metro supposed to have access to a car when theyre off? A5: It is common practice for the AP to have car access, but some APs don't drive and some HFs don't feel comfortable letting their APs drive, so you end up with situations in which the AP needs rides from her friends to go out, or rides from the HF. What you describe is a crappy situation. Some of it is not allowed, but a lot of it is allowed. However, the AP doesn't have to stick with this family. |
Anonymous
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I don't think this AP has a great gig, but she is not mistreated.
I think that aside from the full weekend in November (for which she might be paid extra, we don't know), there is nothing illegal in this schedule. It's just a sucky schedule... But not the first time I hear of similar schedule with stay at home mom. Some seem to want to keep as many hours as possible for the weekend. As long as the host family was forthcoming about the schedule details, AP holds responsibility for accepting her own situation. |
Anonymous
| Op here , she gets one hour off when kids are sleeping not two... |
Anonymous
Seems like a horrible situation she's in. She can't go anywhere in an hour. I feel sorry for her. |
Anonymous
For CCAP, a break must be at least two hours. Is the AP required to stay home or nearby for the nap, in case the baby wakes up? That's not a real break. The defining feature of being off duty is that you're free to do something else and go somewhere else. |
Anonymous
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This is OP, Im not sure but I assume she is free to go somewhere for that hour. The Mom doesnt work so im guessing she comes up for the early afternoon and 'takes over' for that portion.
Today specifically She told me she had an hour off so I assume this is every day she works. It seems wrong to me, because they really she is getting an 11 hour day out of her. And she never gets any on the clock down time, which sucks when you have 2 little kids awake for your whole day. She is exhausted. |
Anonymous
Sounds like abuse. It's awful. |
Anonymous
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Technically all these things are allowed but this mom is a pia. This is how I get great rematch aupairs. After being with crazy mom. They come live with reasonable mom/family and they are so happy.
I know it's petty, but the bathroom thing. That is just wrong The weekend thing too. The family needs to disclose hour expectations. If they did and now she is upset I guess that was a bad decision. If the family didn't I would complain Aupairs like all weekends free. Or at least the majority free. Like a sat morning is ok so soccer is done but then they have rest of weekend |
Anonymous
Have her check her au pair handbook that the agency should have provided to her (not her host family's handbook, if one was provided) for the lenght of breaks. If 20:05 is right in that CC requires a break to be at least two hours then the ap's one hour off should not be considered a break and she should not be working 11 hour days. If the au pair handbook doesn't say anything about breaks, have her contact her LCC. Even if she is free to leave the house during that hour there isn't really anything you can "do" in an hour - walk to the gym, train for 15 minutes, shower and walk back home? Run to the store, grab a coffee and run back home? An hour break with a SAHM is ridiculous. No, with two young kids you don't really get any down time during the day. The only down time usually is when they nap but if she isn't on the clock for nap time... but of course most host families would like their au pair to do something sensible in their "down time" (kids' laundry, unload the dishwasher etc.) and even if they didn't you'd possibly have lunch. Being an au pair in a family with infants and toddlers is exhausting, that part is normal. As is being exhausted after being around little children for 10 hrs a day (especially if that's not something she is used to). The host family is really, really stretching the rules. It's as 06:24 says... mom is a pia, the bathroom arrangements are petty, and this is how you make your au pair unhappy and willing to go into rematch (or home) rather than stay with you. Yes, what they do is mostly within the rules but it's not a pleasant arrangement for the au pair. |
Anonymous
| The girls are afraid to complain and get sent home. |
Anonymous
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One question and/or addendum --
I thought it was a "rule" (not just a nicety) that all au pairs have to have at least one full weekend off per month. (It seems the situation described by OP is in violation of this if she is working every weekend). Anyone know for sure? I'm pretty sure I've been told that is the rule from both agencies I've been with (APIA and AuPair Care) |
Anonymous
| OP here, She does get 1 weekend off per month but thats it, The other weekends she works Sat and Sun during the day. |