yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir... VENT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand the nannies on this board who seem to have an issue with having an employer and that a job means following the employer's wishes.

Seriously, it is her child and she has the absolute right to have preferences on how to care for that child and expect the nanny to follow her directions.

That doesn't give her an excuse to be rude, but nearly all the responses on this thread make no mention of that. This is just another MB bashing thread merely because she has directions she expects her employee to follow.

I don't get it and reading the hatred you all have for MBs, I wonder why you bother to be in the childcare field. You all sound absolutely horrid.

OP here. I have no issue whatsoever with "following the employer's issues". I have an issue with being asked my opinion/advice on something and then MB directly contradicting me. Let me give you and example - and this is basically word-for-word:

MB: "Larla [her Facebook friend with a severe eating disorder] switched her daughter to nonfat milk. Do you think that is something we should do with Baby [who is 20 months old]?

Me: No. The American Pediatric Association recommends keeping a baby on whole milk for the first two years. And so many of the vitamins in milk are fat-soluable so Baby won't get those nutrients with nonfat milk.

MB: I'm going to try it anyway.

Of course she has the right to do whatever she thinks is best for her baby - so why bother to ask me?! If feels very dismissive to be actively asked your opinion - and then discard it with no reason given except that it is what you want to do. This has been happening with virtually everything lately. If you feel this is the correct way to handle an employee then you and I simply need to agree to disagree.


And to the PP who thinks I am only in it for the "fun stuff"... That is simply nonsense. I care for him every single day to the very best of my ability. Because of my experience and education, as well as my gentle consistency, my charge sleeps, eats, behaves and learns well for the entire time I am with him. I know what I am doing and I love doing it. I don't consider story time or classes "fun stuff" but I am happy to do it as those classes are in my charge's best interest.


And to those who think that loving my charge isn't enough of a reason to stay... That is my only reason. I cannot defend or explain it beyond my devotion to him and his well-being. Of course he will love his next nanny and of course I will love my next charge. But right now staying with this charge feels like the right thing to do for me.


This was clearly labeled as a VENT.

OUr 20 month old was off the charts in height and weight so our pedestrian told us to switch to 2%. Not non fat. Babies need fat, just tell your MB to look into it. Brain development. Our child needed more of her calories and nutrition for proteins and veg, not milk fat. Plus we gave her the milk halfway through her meal so she ate a more well balanced diet. We did not want to turn into one of those convenience families where drinking milk was the quick and easy meal all the time.

[Anonymous]

Your bosses are always nitpicking it looks like.

I would be so frustrated. Be careful....The day WILL come when they will have reached their threshold with you and you will explode over something so small.

It is tough in nanny jobs when to take full direction as well as how to take full initiative. I struggle with this a lot in my nanny jobs. Where is the line drawn??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your bosses are always nitpicking it looks like.

I would be so frustrated. Be careful....[b][b][b][b]The day WILL come when they will have reached their threshold with you[/b][/b][/b][/b] and you will explode over something so small.

It is tough in nanny jobs when to take full direction as well as how to take full initiative. I struggle with this a lot in my nanny jobs. Where is the line drawn??

this is true, they will reach their saturation point of frustration with something and you will be packing your bags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my new mantra. I am tired of every tiny decision I make regarding my charge being questioned and contradicted. From now on I will have no opinion or advice when asked - "whatever you feel is best" is my new response to anything and everything MB asks. If she feels that my charge should never touch a leaf or blade of grass due to the potentially toxic pesticides which are banned in our area - fine. His feet and hands will never leave the stroller again. If she feels that non-fat milk is the best choice for a 20 month old baby - fine. No more discussion from me.

I will continue to do the very best I can for my charge within his mother's guidelines. I am done receiving constant criticism when the choice is left to me and I always seem to make the wrong choice in her eyes. (If I make him broccoli, MB tells me it should have been green beans. If I make him green beans, MB tells me it should have been broccoli.)

I have been my charge's nanny since he was born. Everyone tells me how wonderful I am with him - his "Parent & Me" teacher, the librarians at the children's library, the "Music Together" teacher, neighbors who see us out and about -- but all I ever hear from MB is what she thinks I am doing wrong. My weekend nanny job made me realize how bad the MB/DB of my weekday job are.

I stay in this job ONLY because I love my charge and am not happy with any thought of leaving him.

Vent over. Thank you.

I certainly don't want to hand hold my nanny through things, so I'd get sick of that fast.
I noticed you praise yourself and give examples only of fun stuff like outings and playing. What about the equally important things such as nutrition, meal planning, cleaning up habits, nap time discipline, and potty training? Nannying is more than guzzling up play classes, and you have to be good at it all to do well.

You see going to library story time with a room full of two and three year olds "fun stuff"?! LOL You need to get out more, PP. Clearly you have never been to one or a Music Together Class or Parent & Me with a two-year-old. You're an ass, PP, and offer no help to OP whatsoever. Do you seriously think that a nanny who is reprimanded for serving broccoli over green beans is going to get any say whatsoever in potty training, meal planning, nap time discipline, etc.?

Folks, now here is someone you should have watching your children 9 hours a day. What a role model indeed.

LOL God, PP you really are an ass! But thanks so much for my first good laugh of the day!

no, no thank YOU for serving up some choice DCUM nanny curses and diction and then getting called out on it. anytime, anytime! LOL LOL LOL #$@&

NP and MB here - and you are an ass, PP. There - some mommy curses for you, Ass*ole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand the nannies on this board who seem to have an issue with having an employer and that a job means following the employer's wishes.

Seriously, it is her child and she has the absolute right to have preferences on how to care for that child and expect the nanny to follow her directions.

That doesn't give her an excuse to be rude, but nearly all the responses on this thread make no mention of that. This is just another MB bashing thread merely because she has directions she expects her employee to follow.

I don't get it and reading the hatred you all have for MBs, I wonder why you bother to be in the childcare field. You all sound absolutely horrid.

OP here. I have no issue whatsoever with "following the employer's issues". I have an issue with being asked my opinion/advice on something and then MB directly contradicting me. Let me give you and example - and this is basically word-for-word:

MB: "Larla [her Facebook friend with a severe eating disorder] switched her daughter to nonfat milk. Do you think that is something we should do with Baby [who is 20 months old]?

Me: No. The American Pediatric Association recommends keeping a baby on whole milk for the first two years. And so many of the vitamins in milk are fat-soluable so Baby won't get those nutrients with nonfat milk.

MB: I'm going to try it anyway.

Of course she has the right to do whatever she thinks is best for her baby - so why bother to ask me?! If feels very dismissive to be actively asked your opinion - and then discard it with no reason given except that it is what you want to do. This has been happening with virtually everything lately. If you feel this is the correct way to handle an employee then you and I simply need to agree to disagree.


And to the PP who thinks I am only in it for the "fun stuff"... That is simply nonsense. I care for him every single day to the very best of my ability. Because of my experience and education, as well as my gentle consistency, my charge sleeps, eats, behaves and learns well for the entire time I am with him. I know what I am doing and I love doing it. I don't consider story time or classes "fun stuff" but I am happy to do it as those classes are in my charge's best interest.


And to those who think that loving my charge isn't enough of a reason to stay... That is my only reason. I cannot defend or explain it beyond my devotion to him and his well-being. Of course he will love his next nanny and of course I will love my next charge. But right now staying with this charge feels like the right thing to do for me.


This was clearly labeled as a VENT.

I'm the PP you're quoting here. This was my only post on this thread, so the other responses tacked on are not me and I think there are definitely some trolling posters here. Also, you're right. This is clearly a vent and you absolutely have the right to vent, even if me, and others, think the vent is based on incorrect assumptions.

You have a point when you wonder why bother asking your opinion if she isn't going to take it. That is frustrating. It also happens every day in every job and that's what it means to have a boss. Your problem is that you're getting yourself all worked up because you are certain you're smarter than your boss...and the reality is, it doesn't matter. She's still the boss and has the final say and you either have to find a way to live with that or move on.

My boss asks my opinion on work matters a dozen times a day. Sometimes, she does as I suggest, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes, I'm certain that I have more knowledge and experience in the subject and I get silently annoyed when she doesn't listen to me. I love my job, I'm very proud of the work I do, and when I think she is creating more work or going in the wrong direction, it is annoying. But that's the working world and I just need to deal with it...or get a new job. Like you, I don't want a new job. Sometimes, when I'm very lucky and the boss sees the problem in ignoring my advice, I get an apology or acknowledgement. Sometimes, not.

The nanny field really isn't any different than other fields. It feels different because you love your charge. I get that. I may love my job, but my job isn't caring for a great kid.

I was a little harsh with you in my first post and I'm sorry. I get frustrated by threads that seem so hateful towards MBs and so ignorant about what it means to have a boss. Bosses can be frustrating, absolutely. But they are usually not horrible people and when I read threads bashing MBs as terrible people, it's really unfair.

You are correct that we may need to simply agree to disagree that it's ok to ask an employee's opinion and not take it. My point is that it doesn't matter if it's ok, it is what it is.

Honestly, I hope your situation gets better and that you can find reasons to stay in a job you apparently love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand the nannies on this board who seem to have an issue with having an employer and that a job means following the employer's wishes.

Seriously, it is her child and she has the absolute right to have preferences on how to care for that child and expect the nanny to follow her directions.

That doesn't give her an excuse to be rude, but nearly all the responses on this thread make no mention of that. This is just another MB bashing thread merely because she has directions she expects her employee to follow.

I don't get it and reading the hatred you all have for MBs, I wonder why you bother to be in the childcare field. You all sound absolutely horrid.

OP here. I have no issue whatsoever with "following the employer's issues". I have an issue with being asked my opinion/advice on something and then MB directly contradicting me. Let me give you and example - and this is basically word-for-word:

MB: "Larla [her Facebook friend with a severe eating disorder] switched her daughter to nonfat milk. Do you think that is something we should do with Baby [who is 20 months old]?

Me: No. The American Pediatric Association recommends keeping a baby on whole milk for the first two years. And so many of the vitamins in milk are fat-soluable so Baby won't get those nutrients with nonfat milk.

MB: I'm going to try it anyway.

Of course she has the right to do whatever she thinks is best for her baby - so why bother to ask me?! If feels very dismissive to be actively asked your opinion - and then discard it with no reason given except that it is what you want to do. This has been happening with virtually everything lately. If you feel this is the correct way to handle an employee then you and I simply need to agree to disagree.


And to the PP who thinks I am only in it for the "fun stuff"... That is simply nonsense. I care for him every single day to the very best of my ability. Because of my experience and education, as well as my gentle consistency, my charge sleeps, eats, behaves and learns well for the entire time I am with him. I know what I am doing and I love doing it. I don't consider story time or classes "fun stuff" but I am happy to do it as those classes are in my charge's best interest.


And to those who think that loving my charge isn't enough of a reason to stay... That is my only reason. I cannot defend or explain it beyond my devotion to him and his well-being. Of course he will love his next nanny and of course I will love my next charge. But right now staying with this charge feels like the right thing to do for me.


This was clearly labeled as a VENT.

I'm the PP you're quoting here. This was my only post on this thread, so the other responses tacked on are not me and I think there are definitely some trolling posters here. Also, you're right. This is clearly a vent and you absolutely have the right to vent, even if me, and others, think the vent is based on incorrect assumptions.

You have a point when you wonder why bother asking your opinion if she isn't going to take it. That is frustrating. It also happens every day in every job and that's what it means to have a boss. Your problem is that you're getting yourself all worked up because you are certain you're smarter than your boss...and the reality is, it doesn't matter. She's still the boss and has the final say and you either have to find a way to live with that or move on.

My boss asks my opinion on work matters a dozen times a day. Sometimes, she does as I suggest, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes, I'm certain that I have more knowledge and experience in the subject and I get silently annoyed when she doesn't listen to me. I love my job, I'm very proud of the work I do, and when I think she is creating more work or going in the wrong direction, it is annoying. But that's the working world and I just need to deal with it...or get a new job. Like you, I don't want a new job. Sometimes, when I'm very lucky and the boss sees the problem in ignoring my advice, I get an apology or acknowledgement. Sometimes, not.

The nanny field really isn't any different than other fields. It feels different because you love your charge. I get that. I may love my job, but my job isn't caring for a great kid.

I was a little harsh with you in my first post and I'm sorry. I get frustrated by threads that seem so hateful towards MBs and so ignorant about what it means to have a boss. Bosses can be frustrating, absolutely. But they are usually not horrible people and when I read threads bashing MBs as terrible people, it's really unfair.

You are correct that we may need to simply agree to disagree that it's ok to ask an employee's opinion and not take it. My point is that it doesn't matter if it's ok, it is what it is.

Honestly, I hope your situation gets better and that you can find reasons to stay in a job you apparently love.

OP here and THANK YOU SO MUCH, PP. For your apology and your advice. I have never read an apology - ever - on DCUM and am very, very impressed and grateful Thank you.

My MB is tough - there is no getting around that - but it my choice to stay in this job and I have to find a way to make it work. What I was venting about is the fact that she actively seeks my advice/opinion only to turn around and discount it without reason. I have to learn to simple let it go.

Again, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand the nannies on this board who seem to have an issue with having an employer and that a job means following the employer's wishes.

Seriously, it is her child and she has the absolute right to have preferences on how to care for that child and expect the nanny to follow her directions.

That doesn't give her an excuse to be rude, but nearly all the responses on this thread make no mention of that. This is just another MB bashing thread merely because she has directions she expects her employee to follow.

I don't get it and reading the hatred you all have for MBs, I wonder why you bother to be in the childcare field. You all sound absolutely horrid.

OP here. I have no issue whatsoever with "following the employer's issues". I have an issue with being asked my opinion/advice on something and then MB directly contradicting me. Let me give you and example - and this is basically word-for-word:

MB: "Larla [her Facebook friend with a severe eating disorder] switched her daughter to nonfat milk. Do you think that is something we should do with Baby [who is 20 months old]?

Me: No. The American Pediatric Association recommends keeping a baby on whole milk for the first two years. And so many of the vitamins in milk are fat-soluable so Baby won't get those nutrients with nonfat milk.

MB: I'm going to try it anyway.

Of course she has the right to do whatever she thinks is best for her baby - so why bother to ask me?! If feels very dismissive to be actively asked your opinion - and then discard it with no reason given except that it is what you want to do. This has been happening with virtually everything lately. If you feel this is the correct way to handle an employee then you and I simply need to agree to disagree.


And to the PP who thinks I am only in it for the "fun stuff"... That is simply nonsense. I care for him every single day to the very best of my ability. Because of my experience and education, as well as my gentle consistency, my charge sleeps, eats, behaves and learns well for the entire time I am with him. I know what I am doing and I love doing it. I don't consider story time or classes "fun stuff" but I am happy to do it as those classes are in my charge's best interest.


And to those who think that loving my charge isn't enough of a reason to stay... That is my only reason. I cannot defend or explain it beyond my devotion to him and his well-being. Of course he will love his next nanny and of course I will love my next charge. But right now staying with this charge feels like the right thing to do for me.


This was clearly labeled as a VENT.

I'm the PP you're quoting here. This was my only post on this thread, so the other responses tacked on are not me and I think there are definitely some trolling posters here. Also, you're right. This is clearly a vent and you absolutely have the right to vent, even if me, and others, think the vent is based on incorrect assumptions.

You have a point when you wonder why bother asking your opinion if she isn't going to take it. That is frustrating. It also happens every day in every job and that's what it means to have a boss. Your problem is that you're getting yourself all worked up because you are certain you're smarter than your boss...and the reality is, it doesn't matter. She's still the boss and has the final say and you either have to find a way to live with that or move on.

My boss asks my opinion on work matters a dozen times a day. Sometimes, she does as I suggest, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes, I'm certain that I have more knowledge and experience in the subject and I get silently annoyed when she doesn't listen to me. I love my job, I'm very proud of the work I do, and when I think she is creating more work or going in the wrong direction, it is annoying. But that's the working world and I just need to deal with it...or get a new job. Like you, I don't want a new job. Sometimes, when I'm very lucky and the boss sees the problem in ignoring my advice, I get an apology or acknowledgement. Sometimes, not.

The nanny field really isn't any different than other fields. It feels different because you love your charge. I get that. I may love my job, but my job isn't caring for a great kid.

I was a little harsh with you in my first post and I'm sorry. I get frustrated by threads that seem so hateful towards MBs and so ignorant about what it means to have a boss. Bosses can be frustrating, absolutely. But they are usually not horrible people and when I read threads bashing MBs as terrible people, it's really unfair.

You are correct that we may need to simply agree to disagree that it's ok to ask an employee's opinion and not take it. My point is that it doesn't matter if it's ok, it is what it is.

Honestly, I hope your situation gets better and that you can find reasons to stay in a job you apparently love.

NP here. PP, I agree with OP that this post/apology is really great. So, I'm not trying to argue here, but just explain where there are a couple differences between the nanny world and the general working world, as I think it's a beneficial discussion for both nannies and MBs to have. Please tell me if you disagree with my impressions.

1- When a nanny is hired, especially by new parents, it is generally true that the parents want an "expert", someone who will know why whole milk is beneficial and skin milk is detrimental. In the general working world, while this is sometimes true, it is more often the case that the boss is seen as having more experience and more expertise than the employee. Again, this may or may not apply to you in particular, but generally I would say this is the way things are viewed. So, it makes sense that nannies would be more frustrated by the type of behavior about which OP is venting.

2- When a nanny is asked her opinion on some issue related to her charge, it is often a matter of serious consideration- such as the milk issue, which affects the child's overall health, development, and well-being. It is not usually about things that are just a bit more time-consuming or annoying, such as which way to walk to the school or whether to roast or steam the broccoli. (When those issues are brought up, most nannies don't mind terribly- it is more akin to the examples you gave. Now, when these things are being constantly brought up, then nannies will generally start to feel micromanaged, and it can turn into a bigger issue.)

So, when the boss then goes and does the opposite of the nanny's recommendation, it is not just an irritation. It is difficult on many fronts to watch your employer not only disregard your opinion, but disregard the apparent reason they hired you, as well as to make a bad choice that negatively impacts the well-being of their child, a child whom the nanny also loves, and a child the nanny spends her days actively seeking to benefit.

Again, I hope this is seen in the spirit intended: discussion and mutual benefit. I know it is easy to sound harsh or argumentative online (and especially on DCUM)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand the nannies on this board who seem to have an issue with having an employer and that a job means following the employer's wishes.

Seriously, it is her child and she has the absolute right to have preferences on how to care for that child and expect the nanny to follow her directions.

That doesn't give her an excuse to be rude, but nearly all the responses on this thread make no mention of that. This is just another MB bashing thread merely because she has directions she expects her employee to follow.

I don't get it and reading the hatred you all have for MBs, I wonder why you bother to be in the childcare field. You all sound absolutely horrid.

OP here. I have no issue whatsoever with "following the employer's issues". I have an issue with being asked my opinion/advice on something and then MB directly contradicting me. Let me give you and example - and this is basically word-for-word:

MB: "Larla [her Facebook friend with a severe eating disorder] switched her daughter to nonfat milk. Do you think that is something we should do with Baby [who is 20 months old]?

Me: No. The American Pediatric Association recommends keeping a baby on whole milk for the first two years. And so many of the vitamins in milk are fat-soluable so Baby won't get those nutrients with nonfat milk.

MB: I'm going to try it anyway.

Of course she has the right to do whatever she thinks is best for her baby - so why bother to ask me?! If feels very dismissive to be actively asked your opinion - and then discard it with no reason given except that it is what you want to do. This has been happening with virtually everything lately. If you feel this is the correct way to handle an employee then you and I simply need to agree to disagree.


And to the PP who thinks I am only in it for the "fun stuff"... That is simply nonsense. I care for him every single day to the very best of my ability. Because of my experience and education, as well as my gentle consistency, my charge sleeps, eats, behaves and learns well for the entire time I am with him. I know what I am doing and I love doing it. I don't consider story time or classes "fun stuff" but I am happy to do it as those classes are in my charge's best interest.


And to those who think that loving my charge isn't enough of a reason to stay... That is my only reason. I cannot defend or explain it beyond my devotion to him and his well-being. Of course he will love his next nanny and of course I will love my next charge. But right now staying with this charge feels like the right thing to do for me.


This was clearly labeled as a VENT.

I'm the PP you're quoting here. This was my only post on this thread, so the other responses tacked on are not me and I think there are definitely some trolling posters here. Also, you're right. This is clearly a vent and you absolutely have the right to vent, even if me, and others, think the vent is based on incorrect assumptions.

You have a point when you wonder why bother asking your opinion if she isn't going to take it. That is frustrating. It also happens every day in every job and that's what it means to have a boss. Your problem is that you're getting yourself all worked up because you are certain you're smarter than your boss...and the reality is, it doesn't matter. She's still the boss and has the final say and you either have to find a way to live with that or move on.

My boss asks my opinion on work matters a dozen times a day. Sometimes, she does as I suggest, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes, I'm certain that I have more knowledge and experience in the subject and I get silently annoyed when she doesn't listen to me. I love my job, I'm very proud of the work I do, and when I think she is creating more work or going in the wrong direction, it is annoying. But that's the working world and I just need to deal with it...or get a new job. Like you, I don't want a new job. Sometimes, when I'm very lucky and the boss sees the problem in ignoring my advice, I get an apology or acknowledgement. Sometimes, not.

The nanny field really isn't any different than other fields. It feels different because you love your charge. I get that. I may love my job, but my job isn't caring for a great kid.

I was a little harsh with you in my first post and I'm sorry. I get frustrated by threads that seem so hateful towards MBs and so ignorant about what it means to have a boss. Bosses can be frustrating, absolutely. But they are usually not horrible people and when I read threads bashing MBs as terrible people, it's really unfair.

You are correct that we may need to simply agree to disagree that it's ok to ask an employee's opinion and not take it. My point is that it doesn't matter if it's ok, it is what it is.

Honestly, I hope your situation gets better and that you can find reasons to stay in a job you apparently love.

OP here and THANK YOU SO MUCH, PP. For your apology and your advice. I have never read an apology - ever - on DCUM and am very, very impressed and grateful Thank you.

My MB is tough - there is no getting around that - but it my choice to stay in this job and I have to find a way to make it work. What I was venting about is the fact that she actively seeks my advice/opinion only to turn around and discount it without reason. I have to learn to simple let it go.

Again, thank you.

This is the first apology I've seen on DCUM from a parent, to a nanny. To the MB, I applaud you. I recently had to leave a situation which in my mother's words, we were simply "diametrically opposed". Without a doubt, I loved that baby, but it was a terrible, terrible, fit. Prior to this, I'd never left a job, but my stress level has improved drastically.